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Second child

4 replies

Fickles · 18/07/2023 22:12

We have one ds (6). Absolutely love him to bits. I’m 38 and for a while now I’ve really wanted a second, but do you think the age gap is too big? Ideally we would have had another a few years after she was born but I never thought I’d want another.
Now I’m nearing 40 I feel like if we don’t have another I might regret it. Has anyone felt the same? I’m also worried about finances, still have a relatively large mortgage, would have no one to support for childcare so would need to fund nursery again etc. we have average jobs but even now sometimes I don’t have much left before payday. I’m so torn because I don’t want to regret not having another, and especially not for financial reasons, but also thinking it would only be for a brief period of a few years and that’s not really a reason not to? Also the age gap bothers me, even if I got pregnant by the end of the year my ds would be 7 by the time baby came along.

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 18/07/2023 22:15

Our age gap is 5 years and a few months.

It's big because we were young having DD and wanted to be in a better position before having another.

Issues are that they don't want to do the same things and school holidays are a pain. The eldest is independent and able to go out, while DS is too young yet to hang out with friends all the time, so he gets bored.

I wouldn't have wanted such a large age gap if things had been different.

carrotcakebae · 18/07/2023 22:16

In regards to the age gap I don't think it's an issue . I have a 7 years ago gap with my sister and yes we didn't grow up playing together and I took on an older sister role by bathing her feeding her or looking after her etc however now that she is 18 and I'm 26 we have an equal relationship and are like friends

AndTheSurveySays · 18/07/2023 22:18

If you're struggling for money it's daft to have another child. You'd be lowering the standard of living and adding stress onto your first child just for you own wants.

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Aria2015 · 18/07/2023 22:20

We have 5.5 years gap (39 when I had my second) and I have a friend with 7 years and both of us love the age gap. Oldest was at school when on maternity leave, so felt like having an only child during the day. Plus the oldest is independent so doesn't can go to the loo on their own, get a snack etc... plus be helpful - grabs some wipes / nappies. So I'd say the gap is fine. Obviously if money is going to be tight that could make things tough, but if it's something you can weather until childcare fees stop then I say go for it!

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