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Original poster

If you lent someone your holiday apartment for a week would you expect a token thank you gift?

76 replies

absmckabsbba · 18/07/2023 14:46

My cousin and her partner and his two teenage children have asked to use our apartment in Cornwall for a few days in September. Would you expect them to pay or at least contribute towards their utility bills while they are there?

OP posts:
ArcticSkewer · 18/07/2023 15:32

I wouldn't expect either. Definitely not a gift - it's irritating to think people spend hard earned money on stuff like that. I offer freely, not for gifts. Find that a bit needy.

But if I was regularly letting it out and lumbered with large utilities bills because of that, sure, i might ask for a contribution.

Also, if you can't afford it otherwise you should definitely ask.

Milk2SugarsAndAShotOfYourFinestValium · 18/07/2023 15:32

Well, you can't ask for a gift before they've stayed. So if not getting a gift os going to be upsetting, just charge them a super nominal amount that covers everything and be VERY clear about expectations on how things will be left.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 18/07/2023 15:36

I'd just say "happy to let it out at cost, no problem! Cleaner is £50 and we usually see about £5 a day gas/elec/water spend, so for the weekend it'd be £60/week it's £85, let me know what dates you fancy"

If you still have actual costs (over and above the loss of income from letting it full price), then you shouldn't feel bad asking for whatever would cover that.

I get a reduced rate ar a friend's cottage, covering cleaner and elec, and I launder the bed linen on the last morning too.

Oceanus · 18/07/2023 15:36

If they asked for it, i.e., you didn't offer, then a fee is better. If you ask for a fee you might not get a gift though. If you don't ask for a fee you might not get a gift anyway! Are you really good friends with your cousin or more like acquaintances? With the COL it's more than fair to get something out of it otherwise you'll be essentially sponsoring 4 people and the moment you walk into that flat, unless it looks pristine, you might get a sour taste in your mouth. At the end of the day, for me, it would depend on how close you are to this cousin and their family. If it's a two-way friendship with give and take,, maybe I wouldn't ask for anything, but it doesn't sound that you have that or you wouldn't be here, so a small fee's the way to go.

Sarvanga38 · 18/07/2023 15:36

Be very clear before you agree to let them use the apartment (or now, if that ship has sailed) that you will require them to pay £x for the cleaning and utilities. Don't bank on them offering/agreeing later.

Hopefully most people would be decent and cover it, then top up with a gift - but there are a lot of cheeky gits in this world, so be clear to start.

Divebar2021 · 18/07/2023 15:36

I used my cousins cottage for a week and she asked for a contribution towards the utilities and I sent her £100 but it is not rented out otherwise - just used in the family. I was also contemplating visiting my brother / SILs flat in a ski town but because it’s rented out through Air b n b would have paid £300 for a week to cover the management fees and professional cleaning. I would be very happy with that given they are potentially losing a weeks rent.

Hibiscrubbed · 18/07/2023 15:37

I’d say no based entirely on their attitude that they should be allowed it for free because you have no mortgage. Entitled twats.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 18/07/2023 15:37

So you usually rent it out or does it sit their empty?
If it usually sits then empty I'd say yes but please can you change the sheets and pay £x towards utilities and pay £x for the cleaner after you go.

RTHJ14 · 18/07/2023 15:39

We ask people to cover the cleaning/changeover costs but nothing else.

TheModHatter · 18/07/2023 15:41

Your cousin’s partners kids are quite a stretch as ‘family’ IMO.

The potential for wear and tear is quite high.

You definitely should not be out of pocket. Are they naturally decent and generous and likely to leave you a case of wine?

Or are they CF who will think you can afford it so why shouldn’t they make use of it?

Lavenderandbrown · 18/07/2023 15:58

Holiday home sharing is a very slippery slope. People will ask and they will ask again in the future so in MN language start as you plan to continue. I absolutely do not want appreciation gifts. No wine food or “objects”. We have a mates rate plan and we stick to it for EVERY person asking. It’s objective and free of favoritism and doesn’t leave anyone deciding how to thank us for the home use. It’s not free to build or decorate or clean or heat or maintain and it’s not free to use. Haven’t had a single asker back off because of the mates rates…they know what it looks like and they know it’s far cheaper than any other lodging.

Catspyjamas17 · 18/07/2023 16:05

Christ, if they were there for weeks, maybe, but a few days?

No, I wouldn't ask them to contribute, but I'd expect them to bring their own bed linen and towels, and to clean it and leave it the way they found it. Same as when we use our in-laws place (which is not a holiday let).

If it is a holiday let I'd charge them but mates rates.

ReviewingTheSituation · 18/07/2023 16:15

We stayed at a friend's holiday house recently (with them - there were 3 couples in total). She was adamant that there was no 'hire' fee, but she was very transparent that there was the cost of the cleaner/linen change and also a small charge towards upkeep/maintenance. Whether you own outright or not, there are always costs involved (utilities) and wear & tear too.

I'd definitely ask them to make a contribution, and tell them how much. At the very least cover your costs (cleaning, utilities etc), but also a bit on top of that. They will still be getting an absolute bargain vs what they would have to pay to hire a place at the going rate.

ivykaty44 · 18/07/2023 16:18

We use an holiday home that belongs to family - the rates are £20 per night to cover utilities and tax. Its a very clear charging arrangement for everyone and it makes life easy as I know what I need to pay and then leave a bottle of brandy when I leave as a gesture to say thanks for the mates rates

StylishM · 18/07/2023 16:20

'Hi cousin, have checked the calendar and those dates are free, so you're welcome to stay. Due to the massive costs in utilities this year, we are asking anyone who uses the property to pay £15 per night towards costs. It's so expensive to run and we'd hate to have to sell it!' Or along these lines

tiggergoesbounce · 18/07/2023 16:25

I would have made this clear before agreeing to let them stay in it. Its just so awkward when people day yes use my holiday home, them moan people didnt give them money.
Be clear from the start to stop the awkwardness.

I wouldnt charge for someone to stay but would say "£80" utilities.

DPotter · 18/07/2023 16:30

First of all - what are the chances of a late booking ? If reasonably high - say they can have it, if not booked 3 weeks ahead.

Second - yes they should pay towards that covers utilities, laundry and cleaning costs. And tell that's what it's for. If they try to negotiate down, offering to clean, refuse saying don't want to stress them out with cleaning on their holiday. basically it's non negotiable.

Friends just offered us her house in UK for £35 per night, which seems reasonable to me

Campervangirl · 18/07/2023 16:31

I'm borrowing my nephews house in Greece for a week, he isn't charging me but I'm going to give him something (money) towards my stay as I'll be saving about £800 not having to pay for accommodation.
I'll also buy him and his dw a present.
As I'm going near the end of the season I'll also give the place a serious clean before I leave so that when they fly over to close the house down for the winter there won't be too much to do.
I don't understand people who think they can borrow holiday homes and not pay.
I'm actually looking for a place in the same area and I'm dreading the inevitable "can I stay at your place"

Ladyofthelake53 · 18/07/2023 16:37

Youve been kind enough to let them stay there tne least they could do is small contribution and something to say thank you

ReadingSoManyThreads · 18/07/2023 16:42

@absmckabsbba you need to be very clear with how much you expect them to pay. Just mentioning in passing about contributing could mean they leave you a fiver. How much is the cleaner? I'd be giving them a set figure to make sure you are not out of pocket e.g. "yes of course you can use it for those three days, we just need the cost of cleaning and utilities to be covered, so that'll be £75 please, here are our bank details, please send it through before your stay as we have to pay the cleaner in advance, thanks x"

Don't give anyone the opportunity to take the piss.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 18/07/2023 16:44

As for a thank you gift, to be honest, I'd rather a sum of money to cover costs than a bottle of wine (I don't drink), or box of chocolates (I'm trying to lose weight)! I guess if it was me, I'd happily pay for your costs to be covered and maybe a £20 voucher for somewhere you use perhaps.

AIBUNoNoNo · 18/07/2023 16:51

In our case @Campervangirl it's because it was a visit that came out of a casual chat and then a repeated offer 'you must come and stay, you'll love it'
The couple are older than us and have more property and probably money. £ per night or money for charging devices would be pretty meaningless. Just being really straight forward is always best - a friend used to ask directly for £50 and three bottles of good wine!

Years ago a relative loaned us their holiday home, it was very kindly but honestly by the time we'd got there, compromised on dates, compromised on the style of holiday, sorted out catering and cleaned the place it wasn't quite the holiday I planned. I'm still very grateful but if she'd wanted at the last minute £35 per night on top that would have taken it out of the good deed zone and into a business arrangement and we probably would have thought twice.

Shinyandnew1 · 18/07/2023 16:57

They might give you a token gift, they might not. If they gave you a bottle of Prosecco and a box of after eights, would that make you happy? That’s a pretty token gift.

Personally, I’d have told them when they asked, what I wanted. If you/DH is happy for them to stay, I’d say-‘yep, please leave it clean and strip the beds and we ask a contribution of £20 a night towards bills and maintenance’.

If they are piss-takers who think you should give them a free holiday because your DH got an inheritance, then I’d say no, they can’t stay. You know them.

ohtowinthelottery · 18/07/2023 17:07

Friends of ours have a holiday home which they let other friends and relatives use when they are not there. They charge £10 per person per night towards utilities, you take your own bedding and you leave the place as you found it.
Just because you don't have a mortgage doesn't mean you should be out of pocket. They should pay for utilities at least. I would only make an exception if you've said they can have it because they've had a particularly difficult time and you want to treat them (which I'd politely make clear as part of the offer) otherwise they're going to come to you for a free holiday every year and maybe more than once a year.

Bewilderedandhurt · 18/07/2023 17:12

Even if there is no mortgage there are running costs, property maintenance, council tax, and utilities.
It would be good etiquette to offer some money to pay your way amd show some gratitude.
My relatives have a family flat rate of £15pp per night to avoid any ambiguity. If people don't like it then they can try and find somewhere cheaper, generally the rates are £1k+ p/wk. in the area for similar places