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Original poster

Can you quit your job two weeks before a divorce hearing?

26 replies

Pleasegotobed · 18/07/2023 12:39

My STBXH has quit his job at his family company two weeks before our final court hearing in a fortnight.

His job is currently advertised at double the salary he is now apparently earning. The salary he was earning was already low for his skills tbh. He's more than halved his income.

Can he do this?! I'm in shock. Does anyone have any experience.. please tell me it will be okay.. this is the latest installment in a long list of bad behaviour but its a new low tbh.

OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 18/07/2023 12:45

Unfortunately its a common strategy for abusive men; in your shoes I would move forwards as if he intends to refuse to pay any child support, and adjust your budget.
Try to remember that it should help your case if you are divorcing him for unreasonable behaviour. The court will have seen it all before.

Marblessolveeverything · 18/07/2023 12:47

I'd watch if he suddenly becomes self employed and engages as a consultant to them. - This used to be advised by solicitors back in the day when I was a legal PA!

AndyMcFlurry · 18/07/2023 12:54

Yes he can. My friends ex has quit his £140,000 job in his family business and is now apparently a consultant . His consultancy company pays him a salary of less than £7 a week but pays dividends of £12,000 a month to his new partner and her children.

All so he doesn’t have to pay any child support for his 3 kids or spousal maintenance 😡

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Original poster
Pleasegotobed · 18/07/2023 12:58

But surely its like deprivation of assets?! We are in final hearing so the judge decides the settlement (he has absolutely refused to settle - even though we offered exactly what the FDR judge suggested) so I guess I just have to pray they see through it

OP posts:
Hibiscrubbed · 18/07/2023 15:20

Some men deserve to be strung up. Imagine, just imagine, constructing an elaborate web of lies to make sure you children go without.

It is utterly shameful.

EvilElsa · 18/07/2023 16:12

Hibiscrubbed · 18/07/2023 15:20

Some men deserve to be strung up. Imagine, just imagine, constructing an elaborate web of lies to make sure you children go without.

It is utterly shameful.

This.
I don't know how they live with themselves to be honest. I certainly don't know how they can look their children in the eye. Scum.

SlipperyLizard · 18/07/2023 16:16

My dad did this, many years ago. He said he’d lost his job but who knows the truth, it was certainly convenient timing.

He didn’t tell my mum, only revealed it at the maintenance hearing (she was asking for an increase). She was left with a massive legal bill.

yogasaurus · 18/07/2023 16:20

It’s not a deprivation of assets. There’s nothing to stop him taking any job he wants/not working at all, unfortunately. DF’s exDH did this; the judge said he could not believe that the amount he had declared was all he was able to earn (self-employed) but also that he was powerless to do anything further, so the settlement was decided on his new tiny wage

rwalker · 18/07/2023 16:33

All to common just like the woman on another tread who’s solicitor advised her not to get a job till after divorce so she could claim a bigger share than her husband

castlesandsand · 18/07/2023 16:43

And they wonder why the birth rate is in decline.

yogasaurus · 18/07/2023 16:47

If it pertains to spousal, I’m a bit shocked that the OP is shocked. Do people really think that exes will happily pay them maintenance (not the kids)?

Naive, at best. There’s always going to be a large chance they wriggle out of it if they can. As PP above says, there is lots of advice given on how to reduce this.

AndyMcFlurry · 19/07/2023 09:02

yogasaurus · 18/07/2023 16:47

If it pertains to spousal, I’m a bit shocked that the OP is shocked. Do people really think that exes will happily pay them maintenance (not the kids)?

Naive, at best. There’s always going to be a large chance they wriggle out of it if they can. As PP above says, there is lots of advice given on how to reduce this.

The thing is, these men were often the ones begging their wives to go part time or even give up work and become a SAHM, so that the fathers didn’t have to do any childcare , housework or wifework.

You see it all the time here - men who “ don’t believe in paid childcare” , who want their wives to do it for free, who insist that it’s best for the children that only their mother cares for them etc .

Those who guilt trip their wives “ Why have children in the first place I’d you are going to farm them out to strangers “.

The men who completely refuse to do any childcare or housework when their partner goes back to work after maternity leave , so that she almost has a breakdown working over 100 hours a week and trying to do everything to his high standards .

These men were happy for her to lose her career and pension so that they could concentrate on their own, getting promotions and stashing away big pensions. So the law quite rightly recognises that his income was a joint effort, not his alone . It’s only fair that they both benefit from their joint labour.

BarbaraofSeville · 19/07/2023 09:08

What's the betting that 'there are no suitable applications' for the vacancy and he's back doing the job for a complex arrangement of NMW plus share options in a few weeks' time?

BarbaraofSeville · 19/07/2023 09:10

EvilElsa · 18/07/2023 16:12

This.
I don't know how they live with themselves to be honest. I certainly don't know how they can look their children in the eye. Scum.

Show quote history

And in this case, it looks like the children's grandparents/aunties and uncles etc are also going along with it.

AndyMcFlurry · 19/07/2023 09:59

BarbaraofSeville · 19/07/2023 09:10

And in this case, it looks like the children's grandparents/aunties and uncles etc are also going along with it.

Show quote history

I know, there’s so much internalised misogyny. You see it all the time here - women defending their brother / son/ new partners right to not support or parent his child/ ren because he has now changed his mind about wanting them.

They all believe that it’s someone else’s job to pay for and raise their kids. The state, the tax payer, the workhouse - who knows. Just anyone except their father.

It’s shocking how much these people hate children and support the right of men to abandon them.

Original poster
Pleasegotobed · 22/03/2024 21:46

I just thought I’d update this post in case anyone else is ever in this situation and finds this post - we had our judgement last week. He got 8% of total assets, the judge basically said he was a huge liar and got big penalities for conduct / non disclosure.

Thank god!! Thanks to everyone who supported me when I was terrified 😘

OP posts:
Crowgirl · 22/03/2024 22:13

So pleased for you!

rainydaysaway · 22/03/2024 22:19

Good to know judges really can see through these people!

AndyMcFlurry · 23/03/2024 13:01

That’s a good result for you and your children @Pleasegotobed . Congratulations.

Pottyforpots · 02/11/2024 08:01

I just wanted to check this outcome was in the UK as I’m going through the same thing and it’s giving me hope!! @Pleasegotobed

fernsandlilies · 02/11/2024 08:06

Hi @Pottyforpots
Have a look at s25 Matrimonial Causes Act
The court has to take into account the earning capacity of each party.
So if I were you I’d take along a copy of the job advertisement showing the new salary- that’s your ex’s earning capacity.
he will have shot himself in the foot.

Pottyforpots · 02/11/2024 08:17

Unfortunately, it’s a family business, so I don’t think there will be an advert - probably just filled by word of mouth for a short period of time! @fernsandlilies. Will check out that legal clause though - thank you 😊

Original poster
Pleasegotobed · 05/11/2024 13:38

Pottyforpots · 02/11/2024 08:01

I just wanted to check this outcome was in the UK as I’m going through the same thing and it’s giving me hope!! @Pleasegotobed

Edited

Hi, yes it was in the UK 🙂

Do you have a good legal team?

OP posts:
Pottyforpots · 05/11/2024 15:45

@Pleasegotobed I’m hoping I do!! She is a senior associate solicitor. Is there a way to tell if they are good? Never been through this before!

Original poster
Pleasegotobed · 05/11/2024 17:15

I’m honestly not sure! Mine seemed to know what they were talking about so I just kept going and followed their advice to the letter. In general I think the judges see right through it - they have seen it all before and they get a good sense of the people involved from the documents. The actual judgement was lovely. My ex had written all this awful stuff about me in his closing submissions about how I was so unreasonable and therefore should get nothing and the judge said that on the contrary he thought my conduct had been commendable and in these cases people often don’t behave well.

My top tips:

  • be reasonable! Right to the end, don’t throw mud, don’t make personal comments, write as neutrally and factually as you can
  • if he suggests properties for you go and see them. The judge highlighted how strong this made my evidence that they were unsuitable and it means you can factually point out why they aren’t. They do care about stuff like - my children play piano and we need space to take it with us. There isn’t room in the living room for us all to sit together. They’ve had a bedroom each and that needs to continue. Etc.
  • don’t fight - it has to be clear that it’s coming from him. Make open offers to settle (fair ones), don’t get caught up on small stuff
OP posts:
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