5 year old behaviour

[Livelifelover]

Hello. I have a usually well behaved 5 year old. Yesterday his dad picked him up and told me he'd bitten another child. I was mortified. His dad had reprimanded him and that's that. The child's mum who I know phoned me and told me. I said I was aware and his dad has dealt with it and apologised. The mum went on to say my child had bitten through 3 layers of clothing and left a purple mark. She also said some other kids scratched him and left marks. I apologised profusely and said my son has been dealt with. After the phone call she messaged me to ask what his dad had said. It was 10pm so i didn't respond. This morning she messaged me again. I responded saying his dad has spoken to him and let the school deal with it if needed. Did I do the right thing?!?

Yes you told her it's been dealt with I don't know what else she wants you to do though it sounds a nasty bite. It might be worth speaking to your son though to find out the story as if other kids also scratched this child and it's out of character for your child maybe he was antaganosing them.

The only reason I am suggesting to speak to him is a few years ago when my son was 5 he was backed into a corner and attacked by 4 boys of about 9. I actually witnessed this and tried to get into the soft play area to stop them but couldn't as my baby was in a baby carrier. He was absolutely terrified of them as they were screaming in his face, hitting, punching him and being absolutely vile bullies. He bit one of them to get away from them. His mother then came up and had a go at me and I pointed out what her son and his friends were doing. Off course she denied this as "her boy and his friends would not do that". Though her and her friends had totally ignored them the whole time at soft play so clearly had no idea what they were doing. I was called a chav etc but a lady behind me who I didn't know pointed out there kids were bullying my child and we're far older and there behaviour was appalling. The owner then pointed out those boys were always bullying kids in the soft play when they came so what the mother thought had happened transpired because of the sons bullying another child.

It might be nothing like that and your child did behave badly so if that's the case I would be telling them they can't go the place it happened again because of there behaviour.

I doubt it was an attack. More like a game gone wrong tbh. I don't know what she wants me to do! My son isn't perfect but he's not an animal.

Picked him up from school? I thought party or soft play at first.
I’m sure the other Mum is upset but you will be too especially if this is completely out of character. Not good to be messaging late when you had already apologised.
School will only address this if it happened in school.
I’d be wondering what the trigger was and trying to put some calming strategies in place for your son in case he feels it might happen again, clenching and unclenching his fists or counting to 10 in his head.
Is the boy who was hurt vulnerable in some way or have additional needs? Just wondering with others hurting him too? If it has happened before in other situations or with others that explains Mum looking for answers as you would even if it was a one off.

IMO You've reassured her you have told your son off for his actions and apologised. What was said and if any punishments follow have absolutely nothing to do with her. What happens if you tell her and she disagrees with how you handled it. Would she expect you to drag it out even more and discipline him in a way she approved?
He has been told off. You've apologised. I think it should be dropped now.

There is nothing more to be done. You’ve dealt with it. If she keeps contacting you, either just repeat what you’ve already said, or just ignore.

You have my sympathy; I had a biter. Fortunately it was always family members who were the victims (which was bad enough!), but I lived in fear of him doing it to another child. It’s very stressful. It was a phase and he grew out of it quite quickly, fortunately.

I thought he'd grew out of it at about 3. He used to do it to family member ie me but even then only about 5 times if that.

It still might be worth trying to find out as even if it's a game gone wrong it could be something quite innocent like coping a video game one of the kids has seen.

There isn't anything else you can send I am not sure what the mums expects either.

Just say. I don't know what his dad has said to him. I was told it was dealt with. But feel free to ask his dad on next pick up what he said to ds.

She's still texting me asking if I've spoken to his dad!

You need to reply back saying, 'as said before, I'm very sorry your son was hurt and it has been dealt with, his dad has spoken to him. I will not be providing you the specific details of what was said as that is our family business.'

I would ignore her now. That's nuts to keep messaging you.

What does she expect his dad to do that you haven't? Maybe she lives in a 1950's house where dad comes home and is told of the bad behaviour during the day and gets his slipper out?

Block her number. I know it's bad for her child they were bitten but her harassing you by text won't achieve anything . I can understand she is anxious but she can talk to the school if she wants more help.

No more contact thank god. I do wonder if she's a cf as she does ask me to drop and pick her child off at school sometimes 🤔