Cash wedding gift when you're only invited the evening do

RebelR · 2023-07-17T12:14:03+00:00

I'm not offended to have only been invited to the evening, I didn't really expect to be invited at all. I'm not especially close to the couple and suspect I've been in invited to make the members up so the dance floor is respectably filled 😆 That fine, I like a party and there will be lots of people I know there to make it a fun night. However, I'm expecting maybe a few nibbles or a buffet and to buy my own drinks (although this hasn't been confirmed in the invitation). With the invitation there was a poem (better than most) about presence/presents but they would like cash towards the honeymoon. If I'm honest I'm a bit surprised at the expectations of a gift from evening guests, although I probably would have taken something. A photo frame is my go too. How much cash do you take to something. like that and what do you do with it when you arrive?

Karrpt · 17/07/2023 13:24

They'll have one of those shitty cardboard wishing wells for you to post the card (and money) into.

£20 is more than enough. Or just wrap the photo frame you wanted to get and stick it next to said shit wishing well

cocksstrideintheevening · 17/07/2023 13:25

I'd get a nice bottle of something in that situation.

drpet49 · 17/07/2023 13:27

£20

Campervangirl · 17/07/2023 13:52

Karrpt · 17/07/2023 13:24

They'll have one of those shitty cardboard wishing wells for you to post the card (and money) into.

£20 is more than enough. Or just wrap the photo frame you wanted to get and stick it next to said shit wishing well

Oi, those wishing wells aren't shit, I want one 😂

BarbaraofSeville · 17/07/2023 14:18

A gift isn't compulsory. If you feel that an evening only invite isn't worthy of a gift, don't take one.

What they're saying is 'we know you feel obliged to give us a gift, but really, you don't have to, but if you are one of those people 'who couldn't possibly turn up empty handed' then what we really would like is a contribution towards our honeymoon, as we have more than enough to think about at the moment than to come up with a list of appropriate wedding presents for you to choose from when we've lived together for X years and don't need anything. We also don't want any Mr & Mrs crap or other tat like photo frames, looking at you @RebelR although we know you're going to buy us one anyway to show your disapproval of us asking for money even though it's easier for you to give money and less wasteful because if you do give us a photo frame we'll never use it because we don't need it and it will sit in a drawer for a few years until we get round to taking it to the charity shop, but at least it gave you the chance to make your point'.

I think that covers everything.

StopFeckingFaffing · 17/07/2023 14:24

I would probably go with £20-25

Chenford · 17/07/2023 14:29

BarbaraofSeville · 17/07/2023 14:18

A gift isn't compulsory. If you feel that an evening only invite isn't worthy of a gift, don't take one.

What they're saying is 'we know you feel obliged to give us a gift, but really, you don't have to, but if you are one of those people 'who couldn't possibly turn up empty handed' then what we really would like is a contribution towards our honeymoon, as we have more than enough to think about at the moment than to come up with a list of appropriate wedding presents for you to choose from when we've lived together for X years and don't need anything. We also don't want any Mr & Mrs crap or other tat like photo frames, looking at you @RebelR although we know you're going to buy us one anyway to show your disapproval of us asking for money even though it's easier for you to give money and less wasteful because if you do give us a photo frame we'll never use it because we don't need it and it will sit in a drawer for a few years until we get round to taking it to the charity shop, but at least it gave you the chance to make your point'.

I think that covers everything.

Nailed it.

JingsMahBucket · 17/07/2023 14:56

@BarbaraofSeville Brava! 👏👏👏

@RebelR just give them £25 or £50 and call it done.

3peassuit · 17/07/2023 14:58

£20-50 or a decent bottle of wine would be fine.

krafttcheesy · 17/07/2023 14:59

In my head I'd consider the gift to essentially be payment for my night out. So food and entertainment and free drinks I'd give £50. No free drinks I'd give £30.

TerribleSandwich · 17/07/2023 15:05

If they’ve been so annoying as to write your presence is enough, then let them feel #blessed with your company.

It usually just means they want your cash to pay towards their wedding/honeymoon but don’t want to look like they’re asking for that.

CC4712 · 17/07/2023 15:09

Surely those cringey poems and wishing wells stopped 20yrs ago???

For tackiness of that alone, I'd give £20, or the photo frame and card. Especially as you aren't that close.

Original poster

RebelR · 17/07/2023 15:13

TerribleSandwich · 17/07/2023 15:05

If they’ve been so annoying as to write your presence is enough, then let them feel #blessed with your company.

It usually just means they want your cash to pay towards their wedding/honeymoon but don’t want to look like they’re asking for that.

Their problem doesn't really say presence is "enough" more presence is the most important thing...

OP posts:

Original poster

RebelR · 17/07/2023 15:13

Their problem doesn't really say presence is "enough" more presence is the most important thing...

Show quote history

Their poem 😆

OP posts:

readbooksdrinktea · 17/07/2023 15:15

I'd give no more than £20 in that situation.

THisbackwithavengeance · 17/07/2023 15:24

We went to an evening do and didn't take a gift. Nothing was said about cash or otherwise on the invite. Couple were on their second and third marriage respectively, both comfortable/well off with a beautiful home so we assumed they didn't need anything and £20 in a card would be a pointless gesture.

Original poster

RebelR · 17/07/2023 15:25

THisbackwithavengeance · 17/07/2023 15:24

We went to an evening do and didn't take a gift. Nothing was said about cash or otherwise on the invite. Couple were on their second and third marriage respectively, both comfortable/well off with a beautiful home so we assumed they didn't need anything and £20 in a card would be a pointless gesture.

Yes, I think that's how I feel. £20/30 seems a bit pointless. More seems too much

OP posts:

Chickenpie35 · 17/07/2023 15:26

Wow. Some of you are horrid.

Take what you want why are you bothered? You want to take a photo frame take a photo frame?!

Karrpt · 17/07/2023 16:04

"Oi, those wishing wells aren't shit, I want one 😂"

Soz @Campervangirl come back when you've tried to build the fucking thing and you'll agree with me then. Shittest bridesmaid job I've ever had 😂

mindutopia · 17/07/2023 16:04

I'd always bring a gift to a wedding, a bit like how you'd always give a gift if invited to someone's birthday. It's not about how much money they spend on you. As an evening guest, I've given a card and a small cash gift (£20).

Bobbybobbins · 17/07/2023 16:35

My go to is a bottle of fizz for evening do gift.

Happilyobtuse · 04/01/2024 21:20

I think I would take a card and gift envelope with me, and based on whether the food and drink was included I would decide how much to give. Asian wedding receptions are grand and usually everything is paid for by the host, for those I usually give between £50 and £100 depending on how close I am to the person whose wedding it is.

whatausername · 04/01/2024 22:04

They can afford to host you or they can't. A bottle of plonk is ample and has the merit of being consumable.

Edit: although nothing would also be acceptable especially since you are an evening guest. Your presence is the most important thing... ;-)

Cash wedding gift when you're only invited the evening do

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