Move House or get over it?

[Led921900]

I don’t feel very settled where I am and have been here 8 years. We have three kids and the oldest is 5. I’ve made Mum friends here but no ride or die friends.

I’ve been thinking about leaving London and moving back up North to live near my sister as we get on really well. It would be tricky with work but possibly something could be agreed.

But am I just lonely and a bit depressed? I don’t know if moving would be a silver bullet and just hope it’d make me happier. In our downtime I feel a bit bored and sad. We have the odd play date but that’s more a rotation of school/nursery mums. And I can see my sister on holidays etc. It’s a big decision as it would be a change of lifestyle to go from city to more country (though commutable to Liverpool and beyond).
I’d like to feel settled and not have to sort out a big change but I just don’t?

Come back up north, you know it’s better 🤣

I think it's all sorts of variables that are affecting your feelings.

London is a tough place to be financially which means people have less time available and are often shattered and frustrated.

The last few years have made it a much harder place to live.

I'd go if I were you. After eight years you've had the best of London, have sampled a lot, and it's time for a change.

I’ve been in London 15 years in total but in this house and started a family for the last 8 years. You’re right though, I’ve not got a lot of opportunity to earn more and we’re non a 3 bed semi with an old car!
my daughter said she wanted to be a teacher and I have no idea how she would manage here on a teachers salary! All making me think about it. London seems to be for the very rich or those expecting an inheritance. The rest of us work our socks off for small houses and tiny spaces!

Mainly I think I’m a bit lonely! The good friends I’ve made live over an hour away now and have older children or none at all. So in my immediate surroundings I just have the transient friendships of other mums!

But I think I’ll miss all the buzz and convenience…. And certainly there will be an impact on my career prospects too so in that way it’s a shame!

If you’re going to do it, do it before all 3 are settled in school.

I will if I can although the local primary isn’t oversubscribed.
My daughter is going into year 1 next year, I think we need to be where we’re staying when she starts year 3 and my middle one starts reception.

I just feel bad because apart from feeling lonely we’re very settled here with good childcare, school and careers. The childcare and schooling pretty much the same up North but it’s still a lot of disruption…. job opportunities in North a bit more limited.

What if I move and regret it?! Given the cost of moving and the schools being over subscribed here we wouldn’t move back.

It gets dark earlier in winter in the north of England. Would that be something that is OK for you?

You might find those friendships with other mums don't turn out to be transient, my DCs are 17 and 19 now and I'm close friends with mums I met when they were babies. But others have moved here and slotted right in no bother at all, primary school is definitely the right time to do it if you are going to. Are you single or with the DCs dad? What does he think (in either case).

I’m with DC’s Dad and he’s happy to move because we could get a slightly bigger house. I also think it would be good for him as Dad friends a bit rubbish organising things but he gets on with brother in law.
I think I am going to see how I feel returning to work and then if an opportunity comes to head back we’ll go.

If you can have the jobs lined up then you can probably have better quality of life up north , certainly better house or same house in nice area and family bonds are precious. It's a cliche but people are friendly and with kids in primary you should make friends easily. Keep Liverpool, Manchester or Leeds in easy distance and there will be plenty of buzz
But wouldn't move without the job . It's too risky

Yeah it is, it’s whether I can negotiate something with my current job. Or if not start a new one that’s flexible enough I can relocate but what a pain. Just seems to be too tricky. I do love the area I live now too, we’ve spent quite a bit of money doing up our house… but no family nearby has turned into a real bummer.

Seems like your heart is telling you something. If your partner is in agreement, I'd go. We all know how dangerous London is becoming for teens in every Borough. Maybe see if your house will actually sell first?

I think go as well, provided you can get the jobs worked out.

Hi I’m just wondering if you made a decision? I’m in a similar position and feel very torn. Heart vs head! Although I don’t really have a better place to move to as such (one where family is etc) I just know I don’t have many friends and feel lonely where I’ve lived for the past 10 years..

Well we have stayed. Jobs wise there wasn’t really a choice. Jobs much scarcer and pay about 20-40% less which is not reflected in the mortgage. our kids are settled into their childcare and school arrangements too so even though only primary didn’t want to disrupt that.

My loneliness was always worse on maternity leave for me, when I’m working I talk to people all day. Still miss seeing my family but I also wondered if the idea was better than the reality.
what I’ve found is if you’re around people for a hobby/event but not necessarily for the sake of friendship itself it’s much easier to top up that community feel, so any local walking/art/book/choir groups are all good if you’re feeling lonely. I guess the grass is greener where you water it.

We have just relocated back 'oop north to be near family. I can't believe the impact on our quality of life having 2 sets of grandparents on hand!

We have one set (and they’re younger than the other set by 10 years!) down here. So we’d be leaving one behind whatever we did. We see them a reasonable amount but it’s not my parents so not quite the same for me.

There’s about a two minute difference between sunset time in Liverpool and London in December. In summer, London sunset is 20 minutes earlier than Liverpool.

I feel you have made the right decision. London is tough, yes, and you have to make the effort to meet people. It takes time to make friends. But think how enriched your family’s life can be with all the world class arts, museums ,theatres etc, plus the children come into contact with such a diverse range of cultures at school. Once you leave London, it becomes very difficult to return. Make the most of it.

Liverpool contains the highest number of museums outside of London! And it’s much more accessible as it’s much less busy to visit them. So that wasn’t really a factor (though I love that about London too).

I think it would be wise to plan a trip up north and stay for as long as realistically possible (say 2-3 weeks) and see if you miss London and if you can really see yourself settling there and being happier.