Found hateful poem from childhood

[Vintefl]

I'm clearing through old things today and managed to find the key to my 'Book of secrets' from when I was a girl 25 years ago.

There was a poem in there written to my future self. It's basically pure self loathing. I was 12. I call myself a devil in a flaming red suit, a bitch while mentioning that my little brothers on the other hand were 'helpful' and 'cute'.

I wrote a note to my future self to say don't ever throw this away.

It's a sad read. I really hated myself and I think I did a bit of self harm at that age too. As an adult now I just want to go back in time to help that lost girl. My parents at the time weren't very emotionally mature or in tune with me so my self esteem was rock bottom well into adulthood until I took the reigns and sorted myself out.

Not sure whether to keep the poem or destroy it now...

You have helped that little girl already. Maybe you could write a reply to your past self with lots of positive things about yourself now.

How terribly sad, so sorry to read this. I will say that things we said/felt/did as teenagers probably only reflects the way we felt right there in that moment, everything is much more dramatic as a hormonal adolescent and doesn’t necessarily reflect on the overall. Maybe you were having a bad day, felt guilty about having done something mean or someone had said something cruel to you. Briefly reflect, then move on and congratulate yourself for where you are now and what you’ve achieved despite any adversity in your background and upbringing. Throw it away.

I feel very sad for that 12 year old girl. She sounds very familiar to me.

I too think that writing a reply could be really healing for you.

Thanks for your replies. I think I will write down something positive to respond and put those inner child feelings to rest

Good idea, i was just going to say that too

12 is an age of emotional turmoil. I probably felt similar.
Never told my parents though. They would probably have told me to stop being silly x