How to move on - MIL thinks I’m controlling…

[Spareincoming]

LT:DR My MIL thinks I’m controlling because of our family set up. I am not. How do I get over this without going NC or making it worse!

In a row with my DP about working hours and him collecting the children, my MIL repeatedly told him I was controlling; it’s really stuck in my head.

DP and I have very different lives - he works for the family business in busy periods but his Dad and brother do majority of the work and my DP’s proper job is a haulier in the same sector as the family business - the family business benefits from his business frequently.

We have 2 DC and a 3rd on the way.
I work part time in education and have a small volunteering commitment. Both are predominantly term time commitments. When I am working o drop the DC at school and the DC are at a childminder from the end of school until 5pm.

Because of DP’s jobs, and my own personality, I have always been very independent in our relationship. I deal with the day to day as well as the bigger stuff- sorting decorating or getting tradesmen in etc; DP pulls his weight with the DC when he’s around and does household chores too. Invariably he is happy for me to run the household and lately sort an extension and other renovations as he knows he can’t juggle the hours on the road and the house stuff!

Last week I had a commitment related to my volunteering that previously I’ve taken the DC along to but this year was a different set
up completely so our childminder had the DC for two full days. I don’t usually use her during holidays but she and the DC were happy to have a random two days - she has other children during the holidays and I pay a retainer for holidays.

DP had to collect the DC from the childminders on both days I was away and do supper and bath/bed time. MIL wanted him at their business both evenings to go through hauliers paperwork and he said he couldn’t. His Dad and brother were fine with this.

MIL went ballistic about me dumping the DC on him and how I’m controlling about every aspect of his life.
I’m not at all, but it’s still painfully raw to hear that’s her opinion of me.
She’s never warmed to me but I thought we muddled along ok.
I can’t go NC but need to move on and muddle along.
Any advice?

She's just upset that your DH wasn't available till do what she wanted. Personally, I'd ignore it.

Alternatively, tell your husband to address it. Ultimately, he is also a parent and has parenting responsibilities. If she is rude to your face the park it every time. Practice some responses so it comes easier in the moment.

This is one for your DH. He needs to make it clear that it's not acceptable for her to talk about you like that and actually you are as far from controlling as possible.

I agree with the PP’s, I feel that any conversation should come from your DH with this. Clearly because he’s always been around and works often for the family business she feels disgruntled that he’s prioritised you and both your DC’s instead of her. And rightly so. I would be fuming if my MIL said this about me and would expect my DH to address it and explain that your family dynamic works for everyone and you need to be ‘in control’ because of his choice of occupation. This is very different from being ‘controlling’. She just hates not having her grip on him.