How nice would it be

[Greenel82]

To stay the night on your own in a hotel? Maybe just me but I’m fantasising about it right now. On my own, with a book, snacks and maybe a small bottle of wine. Heaven. I’m a sahm mum to a 6 year old with an attitude problem, and a non verbal 2 year old who doesn’t understand anything I say. I know that’s not his fault but it’s draining the life out of me. Oh and also a partner who goes out of the house twice a week after work for a few hours doing a hobby, then all day everyday Saturday too. 2 year old has just had a full on meltdown after literally trashing the living room and 6 year old is mithering me and moaning about nothing. Partner left the house at 10 and won’t be back until around 6/7. When he gets back, I’m seriously considering telling him that I’ve booked a travel lodge so cya tomorrow😁 I know I sound like a mean mum, I’m really not, they’re my world and I love them to bits but god I’d love several hours to myself!

If you can afford it then do it. I know lots who do this regularly. Get online now and book it and get your bag ready.

Have you told your partner that leaving you to solo parent for 50% of the weekend, every weekend, is draining you?

Do you get any time to do ‘you stuff’ in the week? Can the 2 year old do nursery so you can do something in the week whilst the 6yo is in school, for example?

As for the hotel thing, YANBU. If you can afford it, do it. Presumably this thrice weekly hobby of your DP’s isn’t free either?

@AndrexPuppy I tell him all the time but it just ends up in an argument. And no I don’t get any time to myself. I’m going to start looking into nursery’s for him soon before I go insane

It sounds awful, tbh @Greenel82. What a knob your DP is for not engaging with you on the conversation. It’s very unfair of him to disappear for that long. Even if he didn’t give a shit about leaving you to do the lion’s share of the parenting grunt work, you’d hope he’d give a shit about missing time with his young children.

Does he ask your permission to do his hobby at the weekend? If he doesn't that means that you don't need to ask his permission to book a hotel for the night.

If he refuses then you need to consider why he can have a life away from the family and not you. Is that the relationship you want? (Or the one you want to model to your children?)

A night in a hotel once it twice a month can be your hobby.

Book it and enjoy it xx

@NerrSnerr Nope, never asks. He thinks what he’s doing is fair and if I try to talk to him about it, it just ends up in an argument and shuts the conversation down. I’m not controlling, I’d never tell him what he can and can’t do but there’s having a hobby then there’s taking the piss (which is what he’s doing)

You have some choices to make then OP. You tell him you're booking a hotel and just go however he reacts or you just put up with it.

You're in a really vulnerable position if you're not married and you're a SAHP. If you can get nursery sorted I'd start looking for work so you can get out of this awful relationship.

I don't think you even need to book a hotel.

Just pack up your book tomorrow, and leave the house once you've woken up to just spend the day on your own.
Up to you what you do - go to a beach, go to a museum, sit in a park, walk up a mountain, visit a friend, treat yourself to lunch / coffee / afternoon tea. A combination of several of these.
The point is - you walk away and he deals with the dc all day on his own.

Then do it again a couple of evenings a week.
Then do it again the following Sunday.

Then have a conversation about it.

@UsingChangeofName Good ideas! I’m definitely going to do something. Whether it’s staying in a hotel or doing something you suggested. I think I need to start putting myself first now for once. I’m under an insane amount of pressure, I’ve never struggled so much in my life and he’s just not interested as long as he’s doing what he wants