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Why are you materialistic?

47 replies

sugarandcream · 15/07/2023 12:27

Without a doubt, I am materialistic. Not always for bigger is better, but usually for higher quality things. I undeniably want a nice house in a posh area. I want a decent car. I want to be able to go out for dinner when I want. I like to spend 20 quid on a bottle of plonk and not think twice.

But why? some people are more materialistic than others?

For me, I grew up relatively poor. My parents didn't have much spare cash due to bad investment decisions. The house was always cold. I was shouted at if I used too much hot water. I was made to feel like I was always asking for too much if I wanted a new pair of shoes etc

OP posts:
BloodandGlitter · 15/07/2023 15:05

I can't stand the consumerist culture which in my opinion is heavily fuelled by social media, everyone wants to pretend that they're better than the next person and it always comes at the expense of the planet.
Buy into the brands if you like but all it says to me is that you're insecure in your own self so need to live through labels. You're just advertising the company for free and making incredibly rich people richer.

BloodandGlitter · 15/07/2023 15:06

I mean if you look at the thread on Temu a woman is getting ripped apart for daring to want a nice cushion for her childs room because it's on the back of child labour but apparently consumerism is absolutely fine if it's an expensive brand which also most likely use child labour.

DeNeushoornHeeftEenHoorn · 15/07/2023 15:08

I'm not materialistic as such (in the sense of accumulating branded stuff), but I will and do pay to avoid inconvenience/ discomfort and have good quality experiences. I live alone and am happy with a tiny house - but it's detached, as I hate neighbour noise. I don't like driving so don't have a car but I also hate crowded public transport, so I walk if the weather is nice or take cabs everywhere (central London). Business/ first class travel, always. I can't stand the feel of synthetic fabric so I wear silk, cotton, linen, and cashmere. I am not rich but I prioritise my comfort above everything.

Cassetta · 15/07/2023 15:09

i am the opposite. Grew up poor and now have a lot of guilt if I buy anything. But I also hate excess and waste, which I think is a good thing because I don’t have stuff for the sake of it and I’m mindful of my impact on the planet. I do love the feeling of not having to count every penny though: I can buy whatever I want, partly because I’m not poor anymore and partly because I don’t want much. I think there is a danger with materialism that you can never have enough.

UsingChangeofName · 15/07/2023 16:10

I'm with @grayhairdontcare and @Cassetta

I am the most 'comfortable' moneywise as I have ever been in my life.
I love the security of owning my own home and having some savings in the bank, but I can't bring myself to pay ££££ for things that I know I can get elsewhere for a far more reasonable price.
I really hate waste in any form. The fact I can afford to go out and buy a thousand tubes of toothpaste doesn't stop me from using all the toothpaste in the tube before starting the next one (insert shampoo in the bottle / soap / ketchup / and everything else you can think of). I'd no more spend £200 on a pair of jeans than run naked down the High Street.
Just because you have the money to do so, doesn't mean you have to do something, IMO.

vestedinterests · 15/07/2023 16:24

I am exactly like you op and my upbringing was very similar to yours which is why I think I am like that

Puzzlepart · 15/07/2023 16:36

I feel both judgy and judged when it comes to materialism.

I do not have friendships with people that I judge to be materialistic.
I think because I feel judged by them.
It’s a hangover from bullying as a child I suspect for not having nice clothes and being from a poor family.
I judge people with designer stuff as having low opinions of those without. As being less kind or caring towards them somehow.

My friendship circle contains those similar to myself with no concern for material things, not wealthy or interested in anything designer.

To my shame I was appalled recently when a friends 13 year old spent her birthday money (over £300) on the teeniest designer bag. It could fit a set of keys in and nothing else.
I calculated that £300 would feed my family for almost a month. I can’t help it, I think that way.

My childhood has definitely traumatised me and sways my thinking.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 15/07/2023 16:50

I'm not sure that wanting to go out for dinner or drinking nice wine makes you materialistic - surely they are about experiences rather than things ?

BishopRock · 15/07/2023 17:03

Oxford dictionary says materialism is:
a tendency to consider material possessions and physical comfort as more important than spiritual values.

I suppose it helped in the past for the populace to consider spirituality to be more important, that way they wouldn't complain too much about having nothing.

whumpthereitis · 15/07/2023 17:18

I like nice things, I can afford them, and I’m happy to spend my money on them. I’m not spiritual in the slightest, and I’m not an adherent to any ‘abstention is virtue, you empty materialists!’ philosophies, which just strike me as po-faced and miserable tbh. Hard pass.

Live in a way that makes you happy, who cares what anyone else thinks?

Watchagotch72 · 15/07/2023 17:28

I’m not. At all. I do not recognise or care about brands or prices. Bags are for carrying stuff. Cars are for getting from one place to another. Clothes are for covering my body comfortably. Furniture is for sitting / sleeping on.

it’s the way I was brought up. My parents are pretty well off (they weren’t always) but they treg around in patched up jumpers and gardening clothes. Their car is a beat-up Skoda estate. Their house, while large and out in the country with land, is not fancy, the furniture is well used. None of it is remotely designer.

That’s not to say we don’t have our own status symbols, in fact not being materialistic is a status symbol in itself.

countdowntonap · 15/07/2023 18:44

@Watchagotch72 not being materialistic is a status symbol in itself.
I agree! And have to admit that I find myself on that side of the reverse snobbery.

CaramelicedLatte · 15/07/2023 19:02

I didn't grow up poor. But I did become a single, teenage parent and was very, very poor then. I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. I'd never learnt to budget, pay bills, save up for anything etc. I had absolutely no financial life experience whatsoever. I made very poor decisions, and even though I'm in my 30s I still haven't financially recovered. No mortage (never had a deposit), poor credit, but this is improving. No access to low interest rates for essential borrowing.

Mostly, I felt incredibly judged as a teen parent. I wanted to provide my children with the life I'd had, but I had no means by which to do so. I had nothing in common with other teen parents, who had grown up in a different social environment. It shaped me more than my actual childhood, those early years of my eldest children.

I've since married, had two further children and due to hard work by myself and my husband, we are now financially secure. We are not rich by any means, but we are comfortable. Our bills are paid, on time, we never worry about where the next meal is coming from anymore and we never go cold at home. We have adequate clothing for all weathers. I can spend money on things that are cheaper long term, but more expensive up front. Bulk buying, getting things when they're discounted because the money is available when we need it to be. My children are all kitted out for school in September already, for instance, because I bought in the M&S discount. I buy M&S partly for the quality, and partly because I want people to know we aren't poor if they see the label at school. I used to feel like the Asda uniform we bought was judged...

I find the fact that I can now choose quality items that last a long time, instead of having to buy cheap things repeatedly (due to their crap quality) an absolute revelation. So I do choose them.

So I'm materialistic because I still bear the absolute fear that those around us all think I'm a shit parent because I was once a (financially) poor parent.

frozendaisy · 15/07/2023 21:17

I grew up in a small but packed to the rafters with livestock house, fish, chickens, dog, cat, rabbits, cocktail, so there was always something to feed or care for so I didn't notice the smallness.

Our house now is just bricks, it's the people inside who make it home. It's not big but not pokey either. Our quality of life is fine though. I only buy nice wine, we eat well and all have quality leisure time. We read, play games and have a cracking audio/visual music and films set up.

The kids are happy and healthy, our marriage is fun and easy. We have everything we want. With the exception of a pool that would be great but unlikely so can't dwell.

So not materialistic no, but we have strived for a the life that makes us all as content as can be as much of the time.

PastelFlowerJelly · 15/07/2023 21:50

A weird way of seeing it is that being (successfully) materialistic is like joining a secret club that opens doors you never imagined were possible. Your life is fun, pleasant and easier on so many levels. People know who you are before you arrive anywhere and you never have to struggle for respect or acknowledgement. Not having money is like being invisible. People don't really care who you are and everything is an uphill struggle defined by the limitations of what you can afford. Your life is difficult, stressful and you feel like capitalism is conspiring to squeeze every last bit of pleasure and hope out of your life.

Being materialistic, by definition, is chasing the ability to afford more. I'm not talking about fake materialism funded by credit cards but people who genuinely earn a lot of money, but also like to spend a lot of money. Materialism is intricately connected with people perceiving you as rich and the social connections that make up your life. Certain circles will only accept you if there are some basic signifiers such as your career, brand of car, type of house, kids in private school etc. MN loves to sneer about those people but they have fantastic lives. The "club" is guarded by a million unspoken rules and the basic requirement is a default level of materialism.

Rich people want to talk about their lives without being slammed for spending too much, carbon emissions, buying too much property etc. They will only surround themselves with people who don't judge them for it...for the simple reason nobody wants to be in the company of those who judge their lifestyle choices, whatever they are. So you need to lean into the fact that materialism is a mindset and drop your own judgement or prejudices about people who like to spend money on status symbols. If you manage to do that, and your own life matches those same standards then you're in the game.

Clutchy · 15/07/2023 21:51

I struggle with this.

I don’t know if I’d say I’m materialistic as I’m not into brands or one-upmanship but I have accumulated wealth and properties. I drive a very lovely car, live in a big beautiful house etc.

But I hate my reason for doing it. I grew up with a father who valued people by their wealth. While he was a great provider for his family, he was emotionally absent and never took an active role on our lives. He didn’t believe in education, especially not for daughters, and so my sisters and I were raised to aspire to marrying well and raising families.

I bucked that trend and happened into a career where I became very successful. I got a good education. I also married a man who was equally successful.

The only positive words I’ve ever had from my father have been around my material success. I hate myself a little for it, but I know that a lot of what I do in terms of materialism is for his approval.

BMrs · 15/07/2023 22:29

I'm not materialistic but always wanted a nice home for my family and wanted to be comfortable financially as grew up pretty poor and saw the stress it put on my parents marriage.

Live in a beautiful detached 5 bed pretty large and impressive home but I have never put pics of it on social media etc. also have a holiday home at the coast, again people don't know about it apart from close friends.

Me and DH pretty private but he has a high profile job and despite being a really down to earth couple we often get misjudged (before people meet us) as being posh, stuck up etc. which couldn't be further from the truth. I love and always will love a bargain and refuse to spend a lot of money designer things.

dorriss · 30/07/2023 12:03

so you dont care about the planet you lot and your big expensive cars. well i hope Just Stop Oil hold you up

AffIt · 30/07/2023 12:14

Interesting question.

I'm not sure if I'm materialistic per se, in that I don't have an urge to accumulate 'stuff', but the stuff I do have is always the best I can afford - I will happily pay £300 for a pair of boots, for example.

But I look after my things religiously - winter coats and boots are cleaned / go to the cobbler and are then stored for the summer, expensive wool carpets and rugs are professionally cleaned, cars are serviced and valeted regularly.

I maintain myself by paying for a personal trainer, regular appointments with a private dentist, good haircuts from a hairdresser I trust etc.

(I very much appreciate that I have the privilege to be able to do this in the first place - it's 'Vimes' Socioeconomic Theory of Boots' writ large.)

As a result, I expect to get long service out of anything I own - my favourite winter boots are 12 years old, my car is 13 years old!

I was brought up in quite a middle class household and while we didn't struggle for money, I was very much taught to appreciate the value of it.

ShoesoftheWorld · 30/07/2023 12:14

The thing about materialism is that it isn't sustainable - and that's not some kind of anti-materialistic badge-of-honour preachiness, it's fact. Sooner or later, we are going to have to change, quite fundamentally, the way we go about things as a society. There isn't enough land for everyone to have the detached house with huge plot. Having stuff sent from the other side of the world for the sake of it will have to stop, or be reined in. Materialism is also inherently selfish (not used as a value judgement but again a statement of fact) in a way we're not going to be able to afford to be in the future. We're going to have to care more about community and the more equal distribution of resources if we're going to have some sort of future.

I think it's fine to value quality or luxury (I spend loads on shoes because of difficult feet and I love my Le Creuset mugs), but we're going to have to be a lot more selective about quantity.

homeforme · 30/07/2023 12:17

I am. I have complex PTSD from neglect in childhood which I'm sure plays a part. I'm also autistic and trying to fit meant having 'things' which of course I never did until I was about 17 and had a job, so I always wanted the 'better' things. I had something to prove.

freedome · 30/07/2023 12:58

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