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Original poster

How well do you know your older teens friends parents?

20 replies

elliejjtiny · 14/07/2023 12:23

Just wondering as the subject came up recently in conversation and my mum was shocked that I don't know any of my 17 year olds friends parents. In primary school all the parents knew each other and in secondary school the head teacher was very keen on parents socialising both in person and on the parents Facebook group. There is only one secondary school in our town anyway so I've known some of the parents since baby weighing clinic etc anyway. But college is 7 miles away from us and ds's best friend lives 2 hours away. I know most of his close friends and dh is on nodding terms with some of the parents because he does pick up and drop offs (I can't drive and normally one of us has to stay at home and put the younger ones to bed when the college have events when parents come). That's it though.

Tbh although my mum knew some of my friends mums at that age it was only the 2 she happened to work with who she talked to regularly. The others she just said hi to at school concerts and parents evenings. I was at sixth form rather than college too so parents were more involved.

I was just wondering if it would be weird to try and find at least ds best friend mum on Facebook or something when I discover that mil has made contact with ds best friend mum and has arranged to go to their house (the one that's 2 hours drive away) for coffee with ds as well. I am really (and probably irrationally) cross with MIL about this, especially as she is prone to exaggerating and weird obsessive behaviour so will no doubt go on and on to everyone who will listen about how nice ds friend mum is and how they are best friends now etc. I can't say no, ds isn't going because that would be petty and ds is so excited that he gets to see his friend and meet his cat! (Ds and his friend both have SN if you hadn't guessed). I strongly suspect that MIL is autistic as she has a habit of being overly familiar with people and acting like she is best friends with people she has literally known for 5 minutes. So I know I have to be understanding while quietly seething.

OP posts:

mrsneate · 14/07/2023 12:25

My sons friends are the same boys he was in primary school so us mums are very much in contact and know each other well.

He's been with his girlfriend for nearly 2 years too and I've gotten to know her family over the years too :)

Sycamorethanever · 14/07/2023 12:28

DD 17 - I know about half of them - all the ones from primary she’s still in contact with and a few from Y7 secondary
DS 19 - I know one, he’s known him
since he was 1. Don’t know any of the parents from secondary or uni

tbh I think that’s normal. I find it a bit weird when parents are over everything when they’re this age, it’s not natural.

redskytwonight · 14/07/2023 12:29

Some of DD's friends mums I know to say hello and make small talk with.

I don't think I'd recognise any of DS's friend' parents if I bumped into them in the street.

I don't think it would have been odd for you to "Friend" the other mum on Facebook, but it's certainly out of the ordinary for MIL to have done it!

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cocksstrideintheevening · 14/07/2023 12:32

That is very strange behaviour from MIL autistic or not.

I know DDs best mate's family very well but they have been friends since reception, we socialise together and have been on holidays together.

I know a couple of the mums at secondary to say hi to but no more than that.

thaegumathteth · 14/07/2023 12:54

I know a few of ds's friends parents - the ones he went to primary with it. The rest I don't know at all.

PomTiddlyPomPom · 14/07/2023 12:56

Really weird of your MIL!!! to be honest if the grandmother of my sons friend contacted me on fb I would probably ignore them (unless for an emergency!)
I know the mothers of the friends he's had since primary school very well, I don't know any of the mothers of his friends that he made in secondary school as those friendships grew independently of me (no arranging play dates etc).
Why would I really need to know them? They tend to meet at the park or go hiking together so no sleepovers, I know my daughter's friends mothers a little better as they regularly have sleepovers but I have never been for a coffee with them!

BoohooWoohoo · 14/07/2023 12:57

thaegumathteth · 14/07/2023 12:54

I know a few of ds's friends parents - the ones he went to primary with it. The rest I don't know at all.

Same with my son.
My son would not allow me to invite myself round to his friend's mum's house. He'd be fuming. Is your son ok with his gran doing this?

DinnaeFashYersel · 14/07/2023 12:57

Mine is 15.

I know a couple of parents a little cause they've been friends since primary.

Others I have never met their parents and don't expect to.

Piscesmumma1978 · 14/07/2023 13:13

15 and 13 yo here. I only know primary school parents who are still friends. There's no standing chatting at gates so totally different.

I quite like it tbh 🤣

Original poster

elliejjtiny · 14/07/2023 15:53

Thank you everyone. @BoohooWoohoo he's just happy that he gets to spend time with his friend in the holidays, he's not bothered how it happens.

OP posts:

gingercat02 · 14/07/2023 16:04

My 15yo still has friends he has had since first school (3 tier) and I know their parents, siblings and even grandparents in a couple of cases.

His "new" high school friends (Y9 onwards) I have never met or spoken to, DH knows a couple of them as he does football and training.

I'm still mates with first and middle school parents whose kids and mine are no longer friends or even at the same school.

Dacadactyl · 14/07/2023 16:10

DD is 16 and just finished GCSEs. Any child my DD is friends with I know their parents, but not to the extent of socialising with them.

I have always insisted on having a text from parents if she's due to be going anywhere over night, so that I know where she actually is. I also make a point of asking for the parents number before DD makes sleepover plans at my house too, so that I can text the parents.

When she goes to college I might relax things a little bit, because I hope by now she knows what a sensible friend/family looks like.

However, if my child had additional needs then I would 100% want to know who the parents were.

That being said, your MIL has overstepped to a degree but I wouldn't be particualrly cross with her. Just see it as an opportunity for you to meet and get to know other people who are important to your DS.

familyissues12345 · 14/07/2023 16:10

DS1 is 19 - I meet one of his friends mum for a coffee every other month. They've been friends since primary and we still do it even though they are now away at different unis.

I'm FB friends with most of his closest friends mums, but that's about it. They are secondary and onwards friends and there was no real need for me to get to know them

MaryJean87 · 14/07/2023 16:18

I don't know any of them at all. I've never had the opportunity to meet any of them and can't see any reason to get to know them.

AnnPerkins · 14/07/2023 16:19

We're three tier here so DS went to middle school in a nearby town from year 5. There has been no associating at the school gate since summer term of year 4.

He's 14 now and since starting at upper school has made a whole new bunch of friends. We know his lower school friends and their parents well but none that he has made since.

Dacadactyl · 14/07/2023 17:36

MaryJean87 · 14/07/2023 16:18

I don't know any of them at all. I've never had the opportunity to meet any of them and can't see any reason to get to know them.

Are these secondary aged children, or older?

If I was ever dropping DD to the house of a child whose parents I didn't already know from primary, I'd go and knock on and introduce myself.

WillowtreeHouse · 14/07/2023 17:55

My DD is 17 and I don't know any of her friends parents now. Her old friends from primary, yes, but she's in 6th form now and has made some new friends. I know them, but not their parents. I think that's quite normal.

redskytwonight · 14/07/2023 18:12

Dacadactyl · 14/07/2023 17:36

Are these secondary aged children, or older?

If I was ever dropping DD to the house of a child whose parents I didn't already know from primary, I'd go and knock on and introduce myself.

Show quote history

That only works if your DC goes to their friends' houses. And if their friends' parents are in when you are there.

clipclop5 · 14/07/2023 21:18

I know the vast majority of 18 year old DD’s friends parents as she stayed on at her school sixth form with most of the same friends she made at 12/13

Original poster

elliejjtiny · 17/07/2023 12:52

Thankyou. I've met his best friend and his 2 other good friends a couple of times as they have been to our house. Dh knows them better as we have a big car so he is often called on to give them lifts places. It's good to know that MIL has overstepped and I'm not going mad. I think the main reason I'm cross is that because we have younger children with special needs (as does ds best friends mum) I often have to miss out on things that I would like to do. MIL often ends up either going and then going on about how great it was for ages or going and saying it was rubbish and I think of she didn't like it she could have babysat my dc so I could go. She has babysat my dc so I could have fun about 10 times in 17 years and it gets less often as the dc get older. Last time was in February and the time before that was pre covid. I know they don't owe us babysitting time but they look after SIL's dc all the time because they are easy and not mine because they are difficult.

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