How to enjoy my life as it is when I know it's all going to change and become unaffordable

[bankofnone]

I have a nice life, a nice house, money for some luxuries but realistically no way of earning more than I do, huge looming increases with mortgage/outgoings, 3 tiny children with years of paid childcare ahead. We won't be able to afford our mortgage if interest rates stay as they are or increase further which is likely. I don't have the money to save now to help towards any of it because of maternity pay. My husband earns relatively well (£55k) but our current outgoings aren't sustainable. We will likely be downsizing in the not-too-distant future.

I'm finding it really hard to enjoy life and get out of the constant anxious state I'm in about how everything is going to change. How do I enjoy it knowing it could all be gone?

It won't 'all' be gone. You're looking at things in a very black and white manner. You need to determine what costs are going to change (and when) then look for solutions. The outcome of something (anything) doesn't depend on how much you worry about it, so cut yourself some slack.
It's worth speaking to your mortgage provider about short term solutions (because rates will go down again) that might prevent you from having to sell.
Good luck with everything, and take care.

You're putting yourself as a victim here that things just happen to. Actually you have more control over your own fate if you're proactive rather than reactive. Maybe that means something as simple as downsizing sooner so you can save now or going back to work sooner or even just doing the figures so you know and can change things rather than just worrying, potentially unnecessarily.

I agree with you OP. I get what you are saying. The good times are over. I am currently remortgaging and have had to extend the term to bring it down to a manageable level which means I will be looking at working into my seventies. My home is tired. My kitchen needs a refurb and I need new carpets, my lounge carpet is pretty threadbare. So, I can manage with day to day stuff but have nothing for big expenses. I'm in a one bed flat, nowhere to downsize here.

Husband who is earning, 3 kids, hey there OP a home is the people being healthy inside it not the size of the walls.

Enjoy the summer there is a solution out there you just might have to approach the problem solving more creatively as a team

How much is your mortgage?

If you don’t work atm could that change?

Planning, sit down and plan/prepare to downsize in all ways.
Take control don’t wait to be victimized.
we will sell at this point, move to XYZ, cut back on childcare by doing ABC.
decrease expenses by doing this, secure our position by doing whatever.
This is where having a good partner and working together will be instrumental.
Write it down, make sure each option is researched and realistic.

Will you be in a better position once you go back to work? If you have 3 DC needing childcare at the same time, would a nanny cost less than nursery? Unless you have twins/triplets, the older one(s) should be starting school, so costs might drop.

You say you can't earn more, but is there no chance of a promotion/pay rise or new job? Can either of you do over time/bank shifts/a few hours extra in a second job in the evenings/weekends?

The other thing to look at is a thorough review of your finances to see what you can get cheaper and also ideas for increasing your income - eg help with childcare costs. A few small changes could add up to a noticeable difference.

Have a look at:

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/money-help/

But maybe downsizing, or moving to a cheaper area, or one where your travel costs are reduced, eg if you can drop a car and walk/cycle to work might be the answer, it all depends on how big the gap is.

I have a £25k admin job but I'm pro rata so because working more would be unaffordable with childcare, so I only take home £12k. My husband earns £55k. Our mortgage is for £240,000. I guess there the problem lies! We went too big didn't we.

I should add we have no debt apart from mortgage, we do pay out on a car and could cut back there. But it's crazy to me how we're going from living comfortably to not being able to afford our house. What is happening

Anything can happen - you or dh could get pay rises, you might end up working more, childcare costs will reduce as your dc start going to school, you could find a more flexible job or additional work you could do from home, or you might have to downgrade.

What's the point of worrying about it needlessly?

Look at all your outgoings and cut down what you can.
Find all the free things to do with your family, put them into your calendar so you have things to look forward to, meet up with friends and family for some of these free (or cheap) things, get out and enjoy yourself.

Thanks. It's really affecting me I just keep looking at my house and thinking this is so picture perfect, idyllic family home and I'm going to lose it. I know I'm likely catastrophisjng but I'm so worried.

You need to make an actual plan, OP. When does your current fix run out, what are your new payments likely to be (can you extend your term at all?), how much can you save just by cutting back a bit and what is the resulting shortfall. It sounds like you only need to make it through the next 2-5 years until your children begin getting free hours and starting school which will free up some money and possibly allow you to pick up a few more hours

To be fair we earn significantly more than that and have a slightly smaller mortgage and it's tight with childcare. The childcare is the issue really, you might be able to make it work if you can go interest only or extend the term until that's over. How old are your kids?