How can I find a little more joy in my life?

[RosieLeaLovesTea]

Hi all
i work full time in a public sector role. It’s high stress and hard. due to budget overspend. I work for a council that is teetering on financial knife edge.

I have 2 DCs 9 and almost 7.

I am doing a part time masters. I am finishing my research dissertation. I have written 9500 words. Only 3500 to go. I get up at 5 am and so a bit every morning before the kids get up. I am almost done with it.

had a tough day today and feel a bit tearful. I am feeling really tired and stressed. So looking for tips on how I can find a little bit more joy each day to take care of me!

we are going to a festival at the of July.

we want to book a trip to Paris in august. May have left it a bit late.

hoping to go to New York next May to celebrate a special wedding anniversary.

the problem is I am eating too much chocolate and junk food from feeling stressed!

One of my joy fixes is Gizmo the Grey shorts on YouTube- however low I am, that bird will crack me up 😆

Also, I do online karaoke once DC are in bed/out sometimes which feels like socialising but from the comfort of my pjs

Gratitude journals can help too

You have a lot on your plate! Respect for juggling so many plates.

I find joy in walking in my local woods, time on my local beach, strength training and seeing one of my girlfriends for a coffee. These are some or the things that help fill my cup.

I work longish but flexible hours though so can schedule these in my week. Not sure what is possible for you.

I "trained myself" in gratitude some years ago and since then find a lot of contentment in life and its little pleasures.

Hope you find joy too, and some time for yourself.

you have a lot going on - young family, stressful job, plus doing a Masters. The final hurdle of your Masters is always the most difficult, but don't forget how far you have come and that you are nearly done.

when i've been stressed, i try and give myself an hour 'me' time as i need to. once the children are in bed, take a bit of time to do something nice for yourself;
have a soak in the bath with some nice smellies
read a book you enjoy
watch a film or tv show
paint your toe nails
go for a walk/run
listen to some music

it needs to be guilt free time so tell yourself you are having a break. once the break is over, you'll get back to doing whatever you need to do, but for the next hour, it's 'me' time.

Bloody hell you have a lot on. Oh my goodness the relief you will feel when the dissertation is in the bag and you step on that train to Paris!

When my life has been hectic and full of things that took me away from me, I kept on an even keel by having rituals. Just little rituals to look forward to every day. For example, after lunch I would use my moka to make myself a really good cup of coffee and enjoy it with a KitKat. I wouldn't let anything interrupt that 10 minutes. It was my time, I looked forward to it and however crapola everything else was I knew it was coming. I'd weave several little things like that through my day. Lighting a candle when I cleaned my teeth - sounds pathetic now I write it, but it kind of 'stilled' me and let me breathe out.

I also want to say something really boring. You need to eat healthily, drink water, get some fresh air, stretch your legs in a park, call a friend, go to bed early. I'm probably old enough to be your mum, so please forgive me banging on about that stuff, but it really makes a difference.

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. It will pass and you'll be left with a huge amount of pride that you got through it and thrived.

Imagine you & I are sitting down for lunch together, one year from today. What would you tell me, if I asked what you'd been up to for this last year?

It would be amazing to hear all about your wonderful adventures in Paris & New York. You would show me a photo of you in your cap & gown, at your graduation ceremony. You would tell me how bloody hard it was getting up to write those words at 5am everyday, especially after a crappy day at work, but you would also tell me how proud you are of yourself for doing this. As a result, you've landing an amazing job that has let you escape the drudgery & pressure of the public sector. Now you have got some physical & mental energy back, you've got back into exercising & as you're more active, the odd chocolate bar isn't having any effect on your weight. You've got your sparkle back and you're loving life again.
We only come this way once @RosieLeaLovesTea, so make the plans, do the things & enjoy every minute. You've got lots to look forward to.

@Whatliesbeneath707 thank you! I needed to hear that. Nice to think how much better life can be again. The magic wand method. Are you a counsellor or therapist? 😌

Thank you to all who have replied. The gratitude journal is definitely one I can start. Sometimes I do get some joy just from smelling freshly cut grass and watching a butterfly flutter past.
A lovely smelling candle is always a treat.
I also enjoy a lovely straws berry or fruit cider on a hot day.
p

I agree with adding in little things in your day. So I bought a lovely mug for my morning coffee and make a proper cup to enjoy.

Take time to get outdoors. Even if it's a few.minutes at lunchtime. A coffee outdoors at 5am would be so peaceful!! Sort of adding on special things to stuff you already do.

A walk to listen to some music or a podcast helps me feel like I've had me time.

And like a pp said - think about the relief you will have when the dissertation is all done. How proud you will feel!

I am so putting a candle in the bathroom so I can brush my teeth with a nice smell 😊

You're doing amazingly. It's OK to feel tired and stressed and preoccupied when you are finishing a degree. I've never met anyone who doesn't. Your joy will return when that pressure is off.

I believe in trying to find joy in tiny things and then putting lots of them into every day so that they sort of join together like a quilt. Nice coffee, lovely music, walk in nature, watching comedy sketches in lunch break, giggle with DC before bed, scented bubblebath, 5 mins yoga and gratitude journalling. None of these take long but they stack up if you do them daily.

One way is to give yourself time to appreciate simple pleasures like making a really good cup of tea or coffee, then drinking it in the garden. Or putting food out for wildlife and then watching them come and feed.

Increase joy by putting on your favourite upbeat music first thing in the morning, while you make dinner. I listen to podcasts while doing housework. I take a break from work and pick an inspiring Ted Talk or read a poem.

Try and get a half hour walk in nature every day.

When I had PND I was worried it would affect DC so I made a rule that I would make DC laugh four times a day. I did it by playing with them or putting on silly voices. The sound of your own children's laughter is a massive injection of joy.

@DaisyThistle What a wonderful and unselfish idea to make your DC laugh. I bet you have such warm memories of those precious moments together even though it was probably a really difficult spell in your life.

I find little things like spraying myself with good perfume, reading a book that's a good yarn but not 'too' demanding (I like Lisa Jewell thrillers for this) , buy yourself some flowers,

I love this thread!
I love the idea of daily gratitude
And making DC laugh. I try and do this too.

I feel my most content when reading to them but they're at an age where they aren't that interested but I find my ways!

Playing Snakes and Ladders with them is so funny. I've recently started buying practical jokes from eBay. Which gives us all a laugh (DH too)

Basically life is too short to be serious....

I have suffered from a huge breakdown and required valium to break up my lengthy panic attacks. I still get anxiety at 3pm everyday for whatever reason so I need to force myself to switch off and laugh.

We used to go to the beach everyday so we're going to try doing this again. And the forest.

I'm also frantically job hunting which doesn't help

Sending you love OP

Ime pots, seeds and compost!
Recommended the same to a friend with a brain injury and can't get out and do much... Her mornings now start off with a cheery hello to her peas!!
Ime you won't be disappointed..

Thank you. I've done the odd thing in life that other people might admire but what I'm proudest of is shielding DC from my lowest moods.

I do have lovely memories. I remember feeling really seriously depressed and yet pretending to think one of their tiny coats was my coat and trying to put it on to go out for a walk. They were falling over with laughter.

It's years ago now and I remember them rolling on the floor giggling more clearly than the low feeling underneath.

@Whatliesbeneath707 thank you! I needed to hear that. Nice to think how much better life can be again. The magic wand method. Are you a counsellor or therapist? 😌

Yes, if only we could fast forward to see how it all pans out 😊 No, I'm not a counsellor but I do work in a related field. I do enjoy this sort of thing & I have done some work on it (for myself).

I would say journalling is definitely worth a go. It often gives some wise insights but it's also lovely to look back on.

I'm rubbish at art but I love sketching and water colours, so I often get the paints out and lose myself for an hour. I really am rubbish but it doesn't matter because it's relaxing, doesn't take any effort, as cheap as you make it (I sometimes use the kids' paints) and doesn't take much space or cause disruption to others. I follow sketch daily on Instagram for ideas. Could you try such a hobby?

Create some rituals eg

Warm drink in the morning in peace before everyone else gets up

Listen to music whilst cooking dinner

Before bed - Light candles and do some Meditation, Gratitude diary and Reading. Join a live weekly yin yoga class after kids have gone to bed

Always having a trip to look forward to is great, there is nothing like a change of scenery to lift your mood

Schedule in a monthly date night and do something fun

Also having a hobby you love - perhaps join a class, running club, grow some veg, paint, bake, hike, anything really….