Living with anxiety and acceptance

[Poohstorybook]

Not sure where to post this.

I am 50 and have severe anxiety (trauma related). I'm waiting to receive some treatment after such a long time (I've finally got a diagnosis). There is also the possibility I may be ND (also waiting for an assessment). I'm hoping after assessment that I might be able to take some sort of medication be it anti-depressants or something else.

I have struggled over the years with work in particular (not currently working). I have dc, two of whom are relatively young so have dedicated my time and attention toward them. In a good financial situation thanks to dhs income. I worked throughout my 20's and 30's and have ongoing pension contributions. Not worried about future pension wise.

Anxiety has limited the job roles I've been able to cope with (likely capable of much more good education etc.) but realise now, I have been prone to triggers all along hence limited job roles in the past.

I think I may have to come to the terms that this is it. The perimenopause has just made things a lot worse (in spite of HRT). My dignity is the worse thing to be affected. I also find myself isolated. I'm considering volunteering but again these are likely to be low key roles and likely won't feel enough. I'm not ready for early retirement but this is how it feels. I struggle with human interaction particularly with things like office politics. There has been certain negative dynamics in some of the social groups I've joined (and left) too.

Currently, all I seem to want to do is spend time in nature, get a dog and pursue creative stuff to an extent. This feels like I've written myself off in effect and I have to somehow come to terms with it. The isolation of it all and the lack of contribution is the worse thing (one of my values appears to be contribution). I struggle to commit to things and struggle with regularity - prefering to attend things on a monthly basis (this is likely the struggle I have with relationships). I think if I could help others in some way, I could help myself but this seems to much a stretch at the moment.

Is anyone else living with something that is life limiting or impacts there life to a great extent.? How do you/did you come to terms with it? It's not to say I won't keep trying but I'm getting weary of the struggle now and afraid treatment won't work. And yes, struggling with low mood.

Why don't you take a year to concentrate on the young kids, learn new tasty, healthy recipes, go out in nature when you feel like it/can and do more of your creative pursuits instead of worrying you are supposed to be doing something else?

Perhaps do a couple of summer camping weekends, you don't need all the stuff if you haven't got you can do the glamping thing to start with. Take your sketchpad or knitting or whatever it is you want to do.

Just pause basically for a year.
Take stock of just where you are.

Thanks for your response frozendaisy. Yes, in effect that is what I've been doing. I've been exploring hobbies/interests. DC's are at school so not super small.

It's just hit me...this might not get better. Socially, I do get on okay with people when I actually see them...it just seems that I am withdrawn and struggling to commit to much...what makes it a bit more difficult is that my main interests are fairly insular. People can trigger me but I usually feel better after a bit of company. I can't live disconnected because we need people don't we. I worry about being an older person who lives on their own and doesn't see people for days.

Wish I liked cooking a bit more but suppose that could change. I do like camping though and have a trip planned.