I have siblings and parents that remain married. Their marriage wasn't perfect. My childhood wasn't perfect. Both my parents are still alive and active though fast approaching their 80's. I'm in my early 40's and as we all are, I keep developing and learning.
Throughout my life I have had close bonds and friendships. People come in and out of my life but I don't 'need' others all of the time. It's hard to explain. In my younger years I used to say I have such a close family that I don't need others. I love others. I get rewards from relationships outside my family but I've always understood that my parents and siblings love me and will be there for me.
Now, as my parents age and I know I will lose them some day or any day, I reflect on things. The absolute value in growing up as a child knowing your family has your back. Knowing there are literal people that will love you unconditionally is massive. It allows me to shrug off unpleasantness, rudeness, cruelty from the outside. Almost like and us and them kind of deal. I wonder about other people's experiences. We see and hear the damage caused by dysfunctional families and abusive early years and I think by extension I am a product of the opposite. I am soooo lucky to have that. I have sometimes felt it prevented me from making strong external bonds. Because I didn't need it enough. I didn't have to fight for relationships so I maybe didn't put it enough effort or go the extra mile which means these days I have a small non familial support network. But it's a narrow perspective and I wonder what others feel. Did having a close family benefit you or hinder you? Has it affected your other relationships?
This isn't a stealth post or look at me. It's a recognition of the value of loving stable childhood (even if there are issues etc) making a huge difference to our brains, our ability to form relationships, our confidence, our sense of 'whole'