How did you leave an abusive relationship? It seems I'll put up with anything

[perrn]

On and off for four years, I just won't leave and I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.

Over the past four years he has:

He and his family blocked me on everything less than 24 hours after finding out I was pregnant with his child. He tried to emotionally blackmail me into a termination. Turned our friends against me.

Has called me names.

Possessive and shames me for my sexual past. He says he can only feel better about me sleeping with a certain person if he knows I regret it and feel bad about it.

Said I'm incapable of being happy.

When we weren't exclusive he slept with someone else and lied about using a condom. He gave me chlamydia and now I have pelvic inflammatory disease that could leave me infertile. I was discharged from hospital earlier, he was five minutes away from my house and I asked him to come over even for a short while and he said no, because he was tired and has work in the morning.

This list isn't exhaustive.

I clearly have some major issues, I can't figure them out. We don't live together.

How the hell do I leave? I'm deeply embarrassed to even admit to any of this. I'll put up with just about anything it seems.

Bump

Call womens aid. Leaving is hard. Very hard. Support will help you. Well done for getting this far in your journey. Keep going.

wishing you all the best

When my DS was born. That gave me the strength I needed.

Of course he punished me for it by refusing to see DS. His loss.

I wasn't allowed any contact with the outside world. I took the only chance I had had in for years (he let me take my children out alone on this one occasion) and drove to a women's refuge.

Have you tried therapy?

Doesn't your child's welfare motivate you?

I think a good place to start would be getting some therapy to help you work out why you won’t leave. You deserve to be in a loving, kind relationship and therapy might help you see that.

You need to leave ASAP. I know it's easier said than done but you can't keep putting yourself through this torture! Taking the first step is the hardest but believe in yourself- you can do anything when you put your mind to it. Sending lots of strength your way. X

From what I have seen these situations are often based on messages you picked up in childhood. You almost have to replace your foundation and move on from there. It is almost like growing up a second time but this time with better self esteem and much healthier coping mechanisms. A lot of people find therapy helps with that process. You are not alone in treating yourself in this way. The relationship also tends to become almost like an addiction of trauma bonding as in you get addicted to the hormone and emotions associated with his behaviour so physiologically you have to address that addiction too.

He doesn't have any contact with DC. He's not his father.

I miscarried my baby with him.

As you don't live with him and don't have any children with him, there is no physical "leaving" to do.... you just have to be very strong and block and delete him on everything. 💐 as I know it's hard