Talk me down - I want to quit but I know it's the wrong decision

[ThePuffinMan]

Been up for the last two hours stressing so apologies if my post makes no sense.

I returned to work just over two months ago after being a SAHM for almost a decade. I'm hating it. Not working in general, I think just the actual role/place.

It's a job within the Civil Service, good location, wfh 3 days and on paper flexible with p/t hours and training opportunities.

Now the bad, there has been almost no induction specific to the role. I've asked but the department is so chaotic it's just not happening. I've pushed back but it just seems to be part of the culture, you get the odd teams call with someone to show you how to do something (briefly and poorly) and that's it. It's vastly understaffed with lots of agency workers. I think the worst thing for me is because everyone works from home so much, when I go into the office I don't know anyone, it's hotdesking and I feel like a tit wandering round trying to find a desk. I know that sounds pathetic but it's horrible. Although there's lots of agency staff, everytime I speak to someone they've usually been CS for at least 5yrs+ and don't seem to understand what it's like coming into the dept.

It is flexible to a certain extent but because I have to allocate work (morning) and report on it (late afternoon) it's not really for my specific role. I think, while I would still have issues, if I was child free and full time I could through myself into it and it'd be ok but being p/t makes it more difficult.

I could just quit, we're not desperate for the money, but I feel like it was hard to get started with this (just general anxiety after being out of the workplace for so long). I can't transfer within the CS as there's a stipulation in my dept that you have to complete 18months service.

Also the main thing is, I found it hard to provide references, my previous employers couldn't be used because it had been such a long time and I basically have no friends. I did manage to use a couple of my DCs friends parents as refs but it was embarrassing having to ask and I don't want to do it again.

What would you do in my position? Quit and find something else, then stress about references? Stay and keep trying even though it's impacting on my MH.

@whatsmynameaga1n yes, I can imagine if it's anything like this!

Sat on a call this morning and only caught about 15% of what was going on.

I don't think I have the tenacity to stick it out. I know I should for various reasons but I don't think I can. There are so many shared excel files/reports flying around and I'm not catching on to any of them.

Tbh, I don't even think I could stay in this dept if I dropped a grade, it's so convoluted. We work across gov so literally deal with almost every dept which makes it worse I think.

I would give it a minimum of 6 months. If you quit now you'll likely always wonder if you jumped too early. 6 months will give you a better idea of whether you're starting to settle into it or it's really not for you and at least you'll know you made a proper go of it.

Well done for getting the job! It is getting harder and harder to get a foot in the door of the civil service. I've got a friends in it who say that there are 100s of applicants for roles now - its a secure job with good flexibility. The interviews can be hard so again, well done.

Now use those skills you displayed at interview. You sound lacking in confidence. How can you boost this?

One practical thing you can do this week is have some induction chats with collegues - its obvious from your post nobody else is going to coordinate these- you are going to have to take control.

If it was me i would schedule 3 or 4 30 mins Teams chats with collegues this week. Call them induction chats and pop them in their diaries. I would also schedule a meeting with my manager towards the end of the week to talk about induction issues.

Stick with it - lots of jobs are hard at the beginning. I've gone onto new jobs with a new company as the manager of a team - inside I've felt out of my depth its doubly hard when you have to direct the work of others and you are frantically working out what on earth is going on!

Op. You sound just like me last year. After 10 years as sahm I went back to work..local government...training was awful..by agency staff a lot. I felt like quitting too..also background in private sector. Things have got better..my confidence has come back a bit and I feel more comfortable in the role. Like you my world had shrunk and I now value getting out in the world once again. If you can stick at it..it will get better.

I really think you should stick it out--two months is nothing in terms of a new job. I suspect you'd not gain confidence from giving it up and I'd be worried that ' it's too much' is a self fulfilling prophecy. After a lot of time in effect being your own boss it can be really hard to go back at the start and everyone can feel as though they know more than you do. Having said that, you seem fairly determined not to be persuaded out of your plan to quit. Why bother about references if you're going to give up what sounds like a really good job anyway? Perhaps if you can afford it go back to being at home. It wouldn't be my choice from what you describe of your sense of being diminished, but on the other hand there's a part of me thinking about all the people who would LOVE your job instead and perhaps they need a chance!

I really sympathise.

Tell yourself you have to do a year - you’ve done 2 months, only 10 to go! I used to put a countdown in my calendar when I felt awful about new jobs - by the time it counted down I usually felt okay about the job.

Then remind yourself it’s okay to inch along sometimes rather than striding. And that being new is deeply uncomfortable but will get better with every week.

@cunningartificer if I left this job I would try and find another, maybe CS is just not for me. The reference thing is that if I leave I need to figure out who I could use as references again as I don't really like asking people and certainly wouldn't want to ask the same people almost straight away that already gave me one.

I'm not so worried about not finding another job, we don't need the second salary and I live in a city so a decent amount going on. Interviews don't really bother me. I just don't know if I did move if I might kick myself because of certain CS benefits.

It's difficult because sometimes I can reason with myself that I can only do, what I can do. Other times I find myself awake at 5am with chest pains from anxiety.

It seems to me that you find the actual work too difficult without someone holding your hand and showing you a few times, how to do the job. No criticism, training has changed dramatically since Covid

If that's the case, then look around the CS for something simpler, where you wont find the work so challenging so Teams/Zoom training will be easier to grasp because the work itself is easier

I really don't think you've given it long enough, after a long time out of the game. I agree with what past posters have said in that your should take your time to get used to the demands of the new and don't be shy about asking. I wonder if you also have a slight sense of fear in that you're worried you're not up to the job? So many women imagine everyone else is doing better than them when actually you may be coping fine for where you are now and in a year will look back at your learning curve with pride! After all you got the highly competitive job in the first place...