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Do I have parental separation anxiety?

2 replies

Emily920 · 10/07/2023 06:39

Hi All,

ever since my daughter was born 5 years ago, I have always wondered why other parents are ok with leaving there child with other people or simply letting them Rome free on a kids park etc etc. I have always known I was a bit of a helicopter mum and never really laid back and there’s been many occasions in the last 5 years that I have broken down over it. When she started nursery, the guilt at first was overwhelming. My brother and sister in law wanted to take her to the aquarium for the day when she was 3 so I let them but I went and sat in a restaurant opposite so I knew I was close by. I have always felt as though if I take my eye off her for a single second, something bad will happen.

I have got better but recent events have resurfaced some really deep feelings. Me and her dad split up about 18 months ago. Prior to us splitting up, he used to take her to see his parents every other weekend so I was kind of used to that time away from her anyway and I trusted him with her whole heartedly so it was easier. Since then, the arrangement has changed to 50/50 so he has her on a Tuesday night and a Friday night one week then every other weekend Friday - Monday. On that weekend he has her, I keep getting really upset on the Sunday night and I can’t focus or enjoy anything. It’s like an anxiety that overtakes my whole body. I miss her so much and I feel like the worst parent in the world. I know she enjoys going to her dads but I feel like such a part time mum and it’s killing me. I have a new partner who I have been with for 7 months now so that makes it slightly easier but the guilt is always there and I really don’t know how to shake it off. Everyone around me tells me I need to chill out. The consequence of me being the way I have been the last 5 years is my daughter acts very spoilt, she has always been the centre of attention and I have been trying to work on her not being so spoilt recently and I don’t know if that’s playing a part. I’m having to actually discipline her when she kicks off because she wants something right now or comes home and the first thing she asks is “where’s my present” so because I’m trying to change my parenting style, I think that’s also making me feel extra guilty.

I feel like ever since she was born, I have lived with guilt every day. Even if it’s just because I’ve had to go to the toilet and leave her in the living room for 5 minutes 😫 I sound crazy I know but this is real life for me and I need help.

OP posts:
onthefence23 · 10/07/2023 06:41

Oh bless you I think you need to get some proper help with this it's not a normal feeling at all. Parents all have different comfort levels with leaving their child but this feels quite a bit more than that and about your whole relationship with her. Well done for recognising it needs sorting for both of you Flowers

reluctantbrit · 10/07/2023 08:16

Poor you. I say this kindly but you need to get help. It's not healthy for you and the older your child gets it will be harder for her as well.

The spoiling is one thing but at one point she will demand more independence.

Speak to your GP or a mental health nurse.

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