Teenagers, ageing parents and menopause

[everythingisgoingup]

I have teenagers (aged 18 and 15) and ageing parents and I am exhausted!

All the mental drama of teens and the beginning of requests from my parents

I am an only child and just as the kids are becoming more independent, my parents are filling the gap 😱

I know that there have been threads before but I just want out, I want a life.

I feel like I am stuck in the expectation of others to be the carer☹️

I am starting to 'nag' (ask for help) but no-one is listening.

Selfish parents and selfish teens 😡

Anyone else?

I do help her. Only so much you can do. Husb says we our own family too.

I’ve thrown up some
strict boundaries on the parents. It’s necessary because there is emotional baggage there.

It’s also possible because there is money available to solve most of the problems. Don’t fall into the trap of letting them refuse to take advantage of things like grocery delivery and the wonder that is online shopping in general. If your parents are just starting to feel the effects of age, they are likely similar in age to mine and are sufficiently tech savvy to do things online, especially if you help get them set up and keep an eye on things. Just because they always have done things one way doesn’t mean you have to do those tasks that way for them.

Boundaries are key, thanks everyone 😊

My parents ring more now than they did when the kids were younger and talk about themselves ☹️

Just worried for the future as my teens are emotionally quite demanding 🥹

Just keep coming back and posting on here, so many of us in the same or similar position who can support you.

Go get some blood tests.

? ArthurPoppy sorry I don't understand!

dreamonlucid
Good idea 😊

Op I read your update my parents did very little for me and later my DC. I was the eldest and most capable in the family, my DB has health issues and Dsis has always been the fun one, feckless one and baby of the family. When sis had DN she replaced Dsis as the golden child myself and children were relegated to last place behind my DB’s dog!! Like you they very rarely visited me I did all the running and made phone calls (its like totally one sided). I did a lot for my dad but he died. Now my Dsis and DN are trying to out do one another (no doubt for the will as mum is 81) by visiting my mum 4 or 5 times a week (which is ridiculous, its hard work).

I have two teens one home from Uni for summer and DH isn’t well. For my own sanity I let Dsis and DN crack on. I visit my mum once a week and phone or text most days to see how she is and I will be there if she needs me (but no doubt I would get the call last). My mum is healthy for her age and lives independently. She is lonely but refuses to help herself socially. I will be lucky if she phones me once a week and lucky if she mentions my DC but always bigs up DN and Dsis and how often they have visited and what they have done for her etc. NO YOU ARE NOT BEING UNREASONABLE OP. Do what you can and are comfortable doing but don’t knock your pan in some people will ring you dry.

@ssd this was me! And yes the Elderly Parents section has helped me a lot over the years.

I’m peri-menopausal with teens and deceased parents.

I know it is tough, OP, having elderly parents to care for - and I didn’t have to cope with dementia thankfully. But what I wouldn't give for a call from my mum moaning she couldn’t work the Tv remote again and her emails “won’t send” and could I pop over and show her again, oh and sort out the house insurance and where can she buy proper knickers as M&S don’t make them properly any more. I would love to need a day off work to hold her hand at another bad-news medical appointment and then comfort her with a big hug afterwards. I would take all those exhausting annoying upsetting days all over again, just to have my mum back to chat to for the in-between times when we could still share tea and crumpets in my kitchen with my kids.

maybe I just need some ADs or something!