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Considering not telling my family I'm moving house

8 replies

Maps2021 · 09/07/2023 11:44

I won't go into full details but my childhood wasn't great. There was a lot of physical abuse, emotional abuse and looking back, cohesive abuse. There was drugs and alcohol involved, I grew up poor and on benefits.

I would like to point out I'm not against anyone on benefits but I vowed to never be like my family and to never rely on benefits ever. No one in my family had any GCSEs and A-levels and as you can guess no one went to university either.

Due to my home life, it was really difficult to complete my GCSEs due but my God did I made it. I achieved 7 GCSEs and my family wasn't happy about it. I went on to do my A-levels and my family wasn't happy. As they weren't happy it they purposedly did anything they could to stop me from completing my A-levels but they failed and I passed it, even though it was more difficult due to them.

I should have said before I just wrote that paragraph that I felt I became the adult when I was about 11-years-old. They were bad with money and so we wouldn't become homeless I made sure that the one thing that would be paid on time was the rent, as well as electric so we wouldn't become homeless. I also made myself responsible for keeping the house tidy and maintaining it as if it wasn't for me the house would have been completely trashed. I would say it would have been like the filthy homes you see on TV but probably worse.

To avoid home as much as possible I would often go to the library to do school work or just sit and read to avoid coming home and I would often go to free activities for people my age in my local town to delay coming home as late as possible.

Due to the abuse I suffered for a long time I thought I couldn't be independent and would always have to rely on my family for support. Luckily, I was able to escape, only due to an unfortunate tragedy in my life. My step-grandmother passed away, she didn't have much, she knew I was being abused and tried to help me get out of the situation without success. I didn't know a will was a thing, but I found out when she died, she left me everything, it wasn't much just her retirement home and everything in that, there was also a bit of money in the bank she left.

I am young and in my early 20s, I didn't want to be stupid with all this money so I made an appointment to speak with a financial advisor, he advised me what I should do. He said I could use x amount of money to live comfortably for the next two or three years, put x amount of money in investment, and put the rest into a savings account I can't touch and use that to save for a deposit for a house in the future, which I've done.

Due to the inheritance, I left the family home, I did feel at the time that I still couldn't live without my family so I gave them my address. I regret that now, I've decided to move again and I'm considering not telling anyone - friends or family that I'm moving.

I currently live in a county and plan to move to a city in the UK where I will be attending university, I've been classed as an estranged student so I will be getting a lot of support especially to heal mentally, emotionally and physically.

I'm sorry for the long post, I just felt I had to explain my situation fully. If I move without my telling anyone could they do something, like report me as a missing persons for instance?

OP posts:
Noorandapples · 09/07/2023 12:03

Moving without telling them is a great idea. You won't be classed as a missing person because you'll be enrolled in university and your bank account will be connected to your new address and active. They might try but the police will very quickly know you aren't missing, if they get in touch with you, you can tell them you don't wish to have contact with your family and they won't pass on details, but will tell them you aren't missing.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 09/07/2023 14:05

Great idea Do it and feel free
You will still be traceable by authorities in an emergency but not them

Pyracantha1 · 09/07/2023 14:12

You sound like an incredibly brave and strong woman, who should be so proud of herself. You are under no obligation to stay in contact with your family. I would however tell someone in the family that you will be going no contact and that you are safe. That's all.

To pull yourself out of the situation you were in and to grow up so early will impact anyone. The mental baggage and the constant reminders of the life you want to leave behind will not help you. Break free and live your life the way you want to. Make new traditions and set new norms. Good luck!

bluejelly · 09/07/2023 15:08

You are incredible woman and have achieved so much already. I wouldn't tell them your new address, you don't owe them anything.

Partylife · 09/07/2023 23:47

Hi, first of all I’d like to say a massive congratulations to you for getting out of that situation. You don’t owe your family anything. Move away from them they are toxic . Make a new life for yourself…. I too had a very similar childhood. Like you I was mentally abused, beaten. Told I wasn’t wanted, constantly being told I was thick and stupid. Getting blamed for something that my sister had done. I also cleaned the house everyday. We always had different people in and out of our house. My family were vile nasty people. I remember sitting on my bed after yet another beating and thinking to myself I need to get away from here. But unlike you I wasn’t very clever at school I was one of those kids that was forgotten about. But then one night I went out, it was that night that I met my husband. We became boyfriend and girlfriend….. one day he (the boyfriend) turned up at my house! I was mortified because the house stank of dog urine and god knows what else. I was in full time work so it was touch and go if the house was cleaned or not. Anyway the bit of the house I lived in was spotless. So I bought him straight to my part of the house. Then the shouting started my step father would start yelling. My boyfriend saw what I was going through and got me out of that environment. We bought our own house and moved as far away as possible. I now work for myself I grew in confidence. I don’t let anyone walk over me now…. haven’t spoken to my family for years now and I don’t ever intend to…. Good riddance to bad trash I say.

Redglitter · 09/07/2023 23:56

If I move without my telling anyone could they do something, like report me as a missing persons for instance

They can but with your circumstances after very brief enquiries you'd be classed as low risk. If the police did contact you once they know you're safe that'll be the end of it. All they'd tell your family is you're safe & well & they have no concerns

Good luck with your new future

AssertiveGertrude · 10/07/2023 00:01

I wouldn’t tell them and one thing I have to say ‘WELL DONE’ for your hard work and perseverance and the same to the previous poster and thank god you met a decent and kind person to get you out

MummyofTw0 · 10/07/2023 00:06

Break free from them. You've done a fantastic job for yourself. You're an inspiration for working so hard to get out of this horrendous situation. Best of luck to you poster for you're future success and happiness. I really wish you the best x

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