I feel so lost

[FloydWasACat]

DH became tetraplegic just over 2 years ago.

Our lives have changed so much, we have 2 DC (7 and 13).

He can't feed himself, we have carers in every day for 13 hours. He has a catheter and needs bowel care every morning.

My life feels broken. I don't know what I want from this post but I just feel so fucking lonely. I miss my husband.

That's an awful hand to be dealt. For both of you. I'm so sorry that's happened.

If venting here isn't enough, it's probably an idea to get some therapy. The readjustments you've had to make must be enormous.

I'm so sad for you and your DH. It puts all other concerns and troubles in life into perspective. I'm sure you just being there for your DH will be a massive comfort for him, that's the most important thing to remember when you're struggling with the reality of it all.

Oh my word, how could you not feel lost? You are probably only now processing the deep shock of the changes. I bet you were worried about your DH and your children first, understandably and naturally.

I wonder is there any support network for partners in your situation? Because often talking to others dealing with similar things helps us feel less isolated.

Do you have much support?

I'm so sorry. I don't have any words to make it any better.

That's such a huge change to cope with. A rough hand indeed. Do you have any connection with other carers? That can help so much, to talk to people who are going through similar. I hope you manage to find some time to yourself.

Thank you all, I will reply soon but ATM I am just crying. I just tried to get into bed next to him just to have some contact but the bloody bars of the bed were digging into my back!

A longer term aim could be to get a bigger bed so you can lie with him - that feels so important. I’m so sorry you’re going through this and would echo those who suggested therapy/counselling for your needs. So much energy and time is probably being given to your poor husbands needs but you need to look after yourself too. Does your GP offer counselling? Low cost (if that’s an issue) therapy can be found where therapists are training (but still very experienced).

My sisters husband has MS and although not the same he cannot walk and she is his carer as well as working full time . He won't allow carers yet 🙄

It's such a sad life , I don't know how she copes 😢.. can you search out a support group for similar spouses?

That sounds so hard. How is your relationship with your husband? How is he coping with it? Has it negatively affected your emotional connection?
Can you find time to do something for yourself a couple of times a week to see friends or forge new ones?

My heart goes out to you and your family. What a terribly tragic loss for you all. I am a support worker and have worked with a tetraplegic for a few years. It's an incredibly hard situation for you all, you are grieving your old life and your husband's mobility and that's okay. Be kind to yourself.
You are allowed to be sad and you're allowed to be angry, and resentful. I would suggest some form of therapy to help you process your feelings and maybe include your husband in the therapy sessions after a while to have some couples therapy as I'm sure he will be needing help to process this all too!