My feed

to access all these features

Join the discussion and meet other Mumsnetters on our free online chat forum.


Would you relocate under the circumstances?

9 replies

ScorchedGrass · 08/07/2023 19:46

Hello, I'd like to hear if anyone could give their POV on relocation.

I am on my own with 2 sons, 8&12, and a dog. I am looking to buy a house, I have a mortgage in principle and broker/solicitors. I started my application on Wednesday and have been quoted at 5.93%, £2.71 for every £1 borrowed.

The last 6 years have been incredibly difficult, my youngest has had many issues at his school which has led to a CAHMS referral, but he is very clever, funny and lovely in smaller situations and is getting on fine recently. In the past parents have spoken about me in the group chat, messaged me directly and put in a police complaint. I have never responded to the messages, because they have already created their narrative about us and I know its not true, although its really painful to be shunned and ashamed, its a small village. My son doesn't like the school, which is classed as the best in the county, and would happily move. My eldest son has never had any trouble at school, has 2 best friends who are lovely and lots of other friends, and a football club he loves (although they are doing trails over the next few weeks so his place is not guaranteed). I don't really have any friends in the local area, I feel a lot of shame given what's happened in the past. We are currently living in a family members house, my LL told me she was selling after 9 years in that house, despite what went on, the house was perfect for us and we are heartbroken. I am commuting nearly 15 hours a week to get the boys to school and back, I am regularly developing rashes, getting bugs, not sleeping. I am finding our situation very stressful.

I have an accepted formal offer on a 4 bedroom fixer Upper at the top of my budget in a village I have no affliation with, but boys could stay at their current school, the garden is huge. Every room needs attention and the facias need replaced, but its livable.I have gone along with the process, but I cannot get rid of a niggle that it isn't right. It's not my forever home, but then I guess it doesn't need to be.

Part of me wants to leave where we are, start afresh in the Borders, where I can get more for less money, and I love being in the countryside. I want to leave my job and start somwehere else. My youngest would be very pleased, but my eldest wouldn't talk to me again and I really just want them to be happy. My eldest is the most settled. I worried about money and I don't want to end up in a large home I can't afford in a state I don't like I can't afford. I want to be able to live and take us for days out.

I don't know if I'm just trying to run away, in the hope our life Will improve. Just any advice would be hugely appreciated.

OP posts:
dontgobaconmyheart · 08/07/2023 19:54

I think the only advice I'd offer is that I'd always avoid borrowing at the top end of things if you don't desperately need as it doesn't leave any buffer.

I would also get a full structural survey on the house and make further decisions based on that. If it's been neglected or not updated in some time it is unlikely that the required works will be simply decorative.

Things sound like they've been difficult OP but ultimately only you can know what feels right for you and your family and what compromise will have the least negative impact. IMO gut feelings are there for a reason but I'm sure others would disagree with that and take a different stance.

SirChenjins · 08/07/2023 20:03

I would be very wary of moving far at the point where your eldest is settled (and possibly about to go to high school?), especially when there’s obviously been a lot of upheaval for him over the last few years. I’d also not want to take on a doer upper at the upper end of my borrowing limit with all the financial worry and time commitments that would bring.

When you say the Borders, is that the Scottish/English borders? If so, which side?

ScorchedGrass · 08/07/2023 20:08

The house is crosswall gable construction, so nonstandard. No structural works were carried out by current owner according to the home survey.

In Scotland you get a home report, a surveyor comes round to look at the property, just general visual checks are done. The facias have wet rot, there is some cracking to the brick extension, flooring is grubby. I guess this is why I could afford a 4 bedroom in the area.

I am not allowed to go back and view the property now, I think I can a week before missives have taken place but that's it.

Thats it, I don't know if the guy feeling / apprehension is normal when signing up to decades of debt, in a home I know isn't my first choice, or if its genuine and a reason behind it. We've had a tough time and I think if things had been better in the local community I perhaps wouldn't have this niggle.

OP posts:
SirChenjins · 08/07/2023 20:11

You can get a full structural survey done here - I’d be doing that before putting any offer in and finding I’m lumbered with something that will ruin me financially.

ScorchedGrass · 08/07/2023 20:13

My eldest will be going into his second year of HS after summer. I can't afford much in his area, there was a 3 bedroom house I really liked and had good feeling about, but its going to closing date so I would imagine I'd be outbid. I could afford some the work needed on the 4 bedroom house, but some of the interior would be a long time waiting.

It would be the Scottish Borders. I just want to move in, and put my feet up. I want to remove at least some of our stress and time constraints, not add to it with extra expense and less time.

OP posts:
SirChenjins · 08/07/2023 20:41

I can completely understand about wanting to start again but be careful - depending on where you are, the Borders can be very insular and if you’re moving your eldest after he’s settled in high school without a really sound reason then you’re asking him to turn his life around again on your whim.

Get the full structural survey and see what it comes back with.

HugoDarracott · 08/07/2023 20:48

I think you need to be in a position where you can focus on your children and you. I think a house that needs work will take up time and money better spent elsewhere. I appreciate you need to move but I would think a three bedroomed modern house that just needs a bit of paint to make yours would be better for all of you. Do what is right for you.

ScorchedGrass · 08/07/2023 21:16

@HugoDarracott yes thats exactly what we need, to be able for me to just focus on them (and work).

Youre right, I can't uproot eldest on a whim, and at the moment, I guess it is that, there isn't a solid reason, other than, we got more for less money. There are a couple of beautiful houses I would love to live in. Here, I am paying more for less, but then the schools can stay.

It's just a feeling that won't go.

OP posts:
ScorchedGrass · 08/07/2023 21:19

Thank you @SirChenjins for your point, it's a good one. I know the borders somewhat and I agree, I just love the idea of actually being able to become involved with the local community and start again, if we stay there's so much happened with my youngest, and I feel ashamed (not of him, more of me), so I can't involved. We weren't able to go to last year's Halloween or Christmas parties for example, we could, but I didn't want to In case a parent approached me.

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.