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Original poster

OH has no friends

12 replies

taratatata · 08/07/2023 18:16

We’re trying to plan out our wedding and who we want to invite to the evening reception. I only have a few friends but he only has one close friend who lives in another country, he would regard him as a best friend. He used to live overseas and has only been in the UK several years. This + quite a small family of origin makes him feel quite embarrassed about having the celebration party when it’s going to mainly be people that know me. He is overthinking I think as he plays a sport and often they will sit round and have a few pints after a game, but he is worried to invite those guys in case they don’t actually like him or know him well enough and think an invite is weird. We are mainly inviting my big family, some of his family, a few neighbours and about 5 friends of mine and their plus ones. He only has his one best friend to invite and his girlfriend.

I think we’ll make more friends through circumstances changing ie when we have a baby or if he moves departments at work but it’s making him not look forward to the reception which is a bit rubbish. Does anyone have any advice? I’m feeling impatient and frustrated with him which I know isn’t fair but it has actually left me wondering as I’ve never stopped to think, I don’t know why he hasn’t developed more close friendships!

OP posts:

DustyLee123 · 08/07/2023 18:19

It should be everyone coming to celebrate your wedding, not his side and yours.

Original poster

taratatata · 08/07/2023 18:20

DustyLee123 · 08/07/2023 18:19

It should be everyone coming to celebrate your wedding, not his side and yours.

That’s what I’ve tried to say but I think he just feels conscious and worried that he doesn’t have a lot of people around him. I think quality vs quantity though.

OP posts:

DustyLee123 · 08/07/2023 18:21

I made the mistake of inviting people to make up the numbers compared to DH’s big family. Don’t do it, it just costs more.

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Weddings

Original poster

taratatata · 08/07/2023 18:32

DustyLee123 · 08/07/2023 18:21

I made the mistake of inviting people to make up the numbers compared to DH’s big family. Don’t do it, it just costs more.

True… although more the merrier? Surely not everyone will turn up

OP posts:

DustyLee123 · 08/07/2023 18:34

They did !

TammyJones · 08/07/2023 20:32

Invite his sports friends
They'll either come - or not.
Bet they will
But either way, congrats, have a lovely time

Seatbealter292 · 08/07/2023 20:37

I've never paid any attention to who's been invited from either side at any wedding I've ever been to, you're just there to enjoy the day. I think he's being a bit paranoid about it.

During the service just have someone at the end of the isle telling people they can sit anywhere. That's the only bit that could look imbalanced.

BBYBjorn · 08/07/2023 20:39

What about colleagues he gets along with? I think the sports friends sounds fine to come, they are friends of his, albeit not super close

I can definitely see why he feels uncomfortable about it. Unfortunately you telling him not to worry isn't going to stop him from worrying

Devonshiregal · 08/07/2023 21:12

Think lots of men are like this. Sweeping statement but it seems like men are good at easy socialising - small talk etc - but not so good at forming strong bonds…maybe they are more nervous about being open with their feelings so the bond never really strengthens. When women click they tend to be quite confident at making clear ‘we are friends’, whereas men are like ooh we’re colleagues/acquaintances and find it awkward to push it past that point.

But really in regards to the wedding, unless all your people know each other, then they won’t KNOW who each other know. Iyswim. If I’m at a wedding I mingle a bit, might ask who they know. If I spoke to four different people and they all knew the bride I would just think I’d happened to meet people who were connected through the bride. Wouldn’t think oohh the husband must have no friends.

but don’t make him feel bad about it. Just try and normalise it cos no doubt he feels sad about it. Really won’t help you pointing it out. Could you just keep your wedding smaller? If your family is big anyway? Why do you need neighbours there?

onefinemess · 08/07/2023 22:33

You think you're going to make friends after you've had a baby?

Just have the party, people will be way too obsessed about their own situation to even notice who's there.

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 09/07/2023 00:47

Haha iv had to chuckle at the making friends through having babies... OP you need to know that having young children can be very isolating.

skilikeagirl · 09/07/2023 01:03

@IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls that’s a pity. I made loads of friends through having babies and then kids at school (and my husband gets along with the dads too). It’s not isolating for everyone.
back on topic, I don’t think it’s that unusual for men. Often their friendships can drift when they have moved around as women are better at maintaining links. Encourage him to invite sports friends and any work colleagues if he works and just reassure him with his family will be there it will be fine. Not sure there’s a lot more you can do but put a brave face on!

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