Anxiety and toddler illness

[YukoandHiro]

Despite years of therapy on and off I struggle so much with health anxiety with my kids (and a bit with myself, but less so as I can be my own advocate iykwim). This stems from having had my eldest DD's serious condition misdiagnosed for the first six months of her life and constantly having my instincts ignored. So now my instinct is always to assume the worst and that I must be right.

Anyway, fevers are the damned worst. I get so anxious when my children have them even though they are natural.

My 2yo has a fever, complained of a headache yesterday and vomited once in the night so of course my brain is immediately straight to meningitis. I'm thinking of getting her checked out this morning but I can't decide if I'm over reacting. Her fever comes down with meds, no rash, no confusion. She's tired/lower energy because shes I'll but not floppy/lethargic.

But yet I'm probably still going to spend all morning in a walk in centre just to put my mind at rest

Not sure what I'm asking really. How do you manage your anxiety if you face it too? How do you identify your maternal instincts from your catastrophising inner voice?

Thanks, that's immensely helpful right now. Really kind of you.

Kids do get lethargic with fevers. Keep an eye on them for anything that concerns you and if you are concerned do phone 111 or take them to A&E.

A fever initially isn't something to worry about and the vomiting could be from the fever itself, keep them cool with limited clothing and alternate calpol and nurofen to keep the fever down.

I feel this way too @YukoandHiro and sometimes it absolutely cripples me. I can be fine for ages (as long as they are well, basically) then I'll be triggered by something- a story on Children In Need, a Facebook story about a child with a life-ending illness and I start seeing symptoms in the children, or worrying that a bruise is a sign of something dreadful. I also go into a Google rabbit-hole, so really have to stop myself from doing any internet searching of symptoms.

I also hate fevers and I'm obsessive about taking their temperatures. Same as you, my brain always jumps to meningitis. I don't trust my own instincts sometimes because I know I'm anxious, but then I worry that I will miss something crucial.

I always take them to the GP/out of hours to be checked but sometimes if I'm not sure I have some trusted friends who I explain the symptoms and they say if they would take them in or not. But if my instinct is screaming I do take them. Most of the time if I've done this there has been something to be treated, like an ear infection, tonsillitis or hand, foot and mouth that also turned out to be a herpes/cold sore issue that needed antibiotics.

Sending ❤️, it's very hard. I'm hoping it gets easier as they get older and can explain how they feel more clearly.

Your child sounds like they’ve got a normal toddler bug. They’ll be much happier being at home with cuddles not dragged to sit in some awful waiting room for no particular reason.

Hope you get some help for yourself x

I have health anxiety too which I’m getting help with. All I could suggest is to try and remember to use the practices the therapist recommended, I know it’s hard to remember when you’re caught up in it all. Also ignore awful comments from people who don’t understand!!

I know this deep down and yet I also always have this nagging "what if I'm missing something?" feeling which means I am just a basket case until I get them seen by a dr or whatever.
I know from my therapy that sometimes just sitting with the discomfort is important but what it's your child's health it's so hard.
I will observe her this morning and see how she is. She's slept since she was sick at 4am so maybe she'll be feeling better

Vile little troll.

OP, I understand. My little boy had a traumatic leg amputation back in 2022. I have very bad health anxiety regarding him and it's something I am working on too. No advice as such but you're not alone in this.

Thank you, it's so nice to hear from someone who totally understands.
It's like I have two parts of my brain, the rational side (which is the "real" me) and then the hyper emotional side that just loses perspective, but obvious when children are involved the emotions are so heightened anyway.

I know it does get easier. I also have a 6 year old who I find the anxiety is much less with because she can tell me how she's feeling. She has had a lot of time in hospital when younger with viral induced wheeze among other things, so it's not like I expect her to just be easy from here on, but she can tell me exactly what's going on. I find reading toddlers quite hard sometimes!

Thanks everyone who left kind messages. She's responding well to calpol so I've calmed myself down this morning. Everything is so much worse in the middle of the night.

So sorry to hear about your son @toddlermom99 - it really shakes you when something massive medical happens doesn't it. With my daughter it shook my confidence that if the very worst were to happen that I'd be listened to and that help would be there

Sounds like you are handling it well @YukoandHiro so give yourself some credit here.
The headache and vomiting alone might be a worry for brain tumour, but the fact they have a fever then sort of cancels that out as it is highly unlikely a tumour would cause a fever. Instead a far more likely chain is- infection-headache and fever-vomiting… a tumour wouldn’t respond to calpol etc.
So as I say, you sound like you’re handling it just fine and I hope your wee one perks up again soon as I am sure she will. And if she doesn’t there is no harm at all in having her seen as she’s too young to know if a headache and an earache are the same thing etc. So if her symptoms continue or worsen it is absolutely okay to have her checked out.

Wouldn't more illnesses be picked up in the waiting rooms?

@WandaWonder I mean, I suppose that's a side consideration when your brain is telling you you've got three hours to get help or it could be game over. I realise this is totally irrational. The sheer responsibility for scanning symptoms accurately and knowing when and when not to call in the experts is overwhelming if you suffer from any anxiety around this. Doesn't help that both my Dds have existing conditions.