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Original poster

Tricky situation with a friend

38 replies

Goldfoot · 07/07/2023 22:08

It's a fairly straightforward situation, but I fear will be a long story, I'll keep it as brief as I can.

Several months ago some friends planned a trip abroad to celebrate a birthday and go to a special event. I originally said I couldn't go because I couldn't get the time off work, but I've since changed my job and now I could.

Once I realised I could go, I persuaded another friend to cone with me, she's a nice friend but not really part of the original group. We'd have had to arrange separate accommodation, as theirs was full. Anyway we dithered until the special event was sold out, so that was that.

Now, one of the original group has dropped outdue to illness and they've asked me to fill the spot. I'd love to go but I feel bad for the friend who agreed to come to keep me company/share my costs, I know she'd love to go too....

WWYD?

OP posts:
DinkeyDonkey · 07/07/2023 22:11

Go with the friend who agreed to share accommodation costs with you, provided the others were happy with her going to start with.

coronafiona · 07/07/2023 22:11

Ask the other friend if she would mind and / or see if anyone on social media is selling tickets?

Original poster
Goldfoot · 07/07/2023 22:11

DinkeyDonkey · 07/07/2023 22:11

Go with the friend who agreed to share accommodation costs with you, provided the others were happy with her going to start with.

I can't, the event is full. There's one spot because someone from the original group has dropped out.

OP posts:
ElectricToothbrush · 07/07/2023 22:13

Go, and apologise and explain the situation to the friend. You're not leaving her out deliberately. There's only one space available.

Workawayxx · 07/07/2023 22:16

Go! It’s either neither of you go or you go, if she’s a good friend she will be happy for you (if a little disappointed naturally).

SauvignonBlanche · 07/07/2023 22:25

You can’t just bail out on the friend who agreed to share!

WomaninShite · 07/07/2023 22:25

Seems like you're using the new friend to cover your costs and ditching her for the old friends/event. YABU.

Parlourgames · 07/07/2023 22:28

I think your op is unclear

have you actually made any plans to go with your other friend? I mean concrete plans?

Original poster
Goldfoot · 07/07/2023 22:30

I'm not bailing out, we never booked, we left it too late to get tickets for the special event, so as it stands neither of us are going.

I've now been asked to take the place of someone who can no longer go.

OP posts:
lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 07/07/2023 22:32

It's v tricky but I would stick with your friend who agreed to go with you. I understand you wanting to go to the event but I think your friend would feel ousted and a bit used (even though I know that was never your intention) . Good friends are hard to come by. Just my opinion but am trying to look at it from my own friendship circle and how these things happen quite often.

Parlourgames · 07/07/2023 22:33

I think it’s fine but you need to communicate clearly with your friend. Explain the situation.

and of course it slightly depends how secure / confident / mature your friend is. Whether they will mind - perhaps even secretly -

what do you think?

Original poster
Goldfoot · 07/07/2023 22:33

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 07/07/2023 22:32

It's v tricky but I would stick with your friend who agreed to go with you. I understand you wanting to go to the event but I think your friend would feel ousted and a bit used (even though I know that was never your intention) . Good friends are hard to come by. Just my opinion but am trying to look at it from my own friendship circle and how these things happen quite often.

Oh no, if I had actually booked with friend, I would definitely stick with that.

We didn't arrange to go as we couldn't get tickets. Now there's one place available.

OP posts:
3luckystars · 07/07/2023 22:34

Call your friend and tell her you have been offered an opportunity to go and see what she says.

CornishTiger · 07/07/2023 22:35

Dear Friend X has asked me to go to <event > with her as Y has dropped out. How do you feel it this? I know we wanted to go together but couldn’t get tickets so wanted to check with you.

AuntieJoyce · 07/07/2023 22:36

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 07/07/2023 22:32

It's v tricky but I would stick with your friend who agreed to go with you. I understand you wanting to go to the event but I think your friend would feel ousted and a bit used (even though I know that was never your intention) . Good friends are hard to come by. Just my opinion but am trying to look at it from my own friendship circle and how these things happen quite often.

I agree with this with the caveat it wouldn’t be tricky at all. I wouldn’t leave my friend no question

Original poster
Goldfoot · 07/07/2023 22:38

AuntieJoyce · 07/07/2023 22:36

I agree with this with the caveat it wouldn’t be tricky at all. I wouldn’t leave my friend no question

Show quote history

No neither would I, but that's not what's happened.

OP posts:
AuntMarch · 07/07/2023 22:39

I took it from your OP that you aren't travelling at all with this other friend. Some of the replies you are getting seem to think you are, and you'll be leaving that friend alone while you go to the event with the original group.
All you've made clear in responses is that you couldn't get tickets so didn't book the event, still not totally clear whether you were travelling at all though?

Assuming not, I think taking the space is fine. If you had in fact arranged to travel and meet the group for the rest of the trip it would be a bit different!

Original poster
Goldfoot · 07/07/2023 22:40

AuntMarch · 07/07/2023 22:39

I took it from your OP that you aren't travelling at all with this other friend. Some of the replies you are getting seem to think you are, and you'll be leaving that friend alone while you go to the event with the original group.
All you've made clear in responses is that you couldn't get tickets so didn't book the event, still not totally clear whether you were travelling at all though?

Assuming not, I think taking the space is fine. If you had in fact arranged to travel and meet the group for the rest of the trip it would be a bit different!

As it stands neither of us are going at all.

OP posts:
Summer2424 · 07/07/2023 22:46

Hi @Goldfoot i think you should go. Your friend had to be persuaded and it took too long to decide so the tickets were all gone.
I think you should go, your friend will be fine with it, have a good time x

Boomboom22 · 07/07/2023 22:47

It's fine for you to go. Your post would have had to reads like you have booked other accommodation with your friend which you haven't.

moneymatr · 07/07/2023 22:49

Yes op not quite clear . You tried to go with other friend but event sold out so neither of you are going. You have been invited by original group due to someone dropping out. I think in this instance it's fine to go. I'd give your friend a heads up tho.

MeinKraft · 07/07/2023 22:51

I read it wrong at the start, I suspect others did too. I'd go and keep an eye for another drop out for your friend.

kweeble · 07/07/2023 22:55

As you hadn’t booked and there aren’t 2 tickets available I’d go with the original group.

TaylorSwiftFan · 08/07/2023 00:12

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 07/07/2023 22:32

It's v tricky but I would stick with your friend who agreed to go with you. I understand you wanting to go to the event but I think your friend would feel ousted and a bit used (even though I know that was never your intention) . Good friends are hard to come by. Just my opinion but am trying to look at it from my own friendship circle and how these things happen quite often.

This

FrozenGhost · 08/07/2023 09:16

I think it's fine to go. The friend isn't part of the original group so she isn't being "left out" as such.