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How to help friend cut ties and move on

2 replies

Anothernewnamee · 07/07/2023 19:29

One of my best friend’s split up with her long term boyfriend in January 2022. She was very close to his family and good friends with his sister. Her nieces were very young at the time (under 2) so although I assumed she’d stay friends with their mum (ex’s sister) I didn’t think she would continue the same auntie relationship, especially when the kids wouldn’t know any better as they grew up.

She still picks them up to take them on days out etc and it’s one of their birthday’s next weekend so she’s going to the family bbq in ex SIL’s garden. She still buys his family Christmas gifts (they get her them too) and other than the fact she’s not with him anymore, you wouldn’t actually know they’d split up. He got a new job in New York last month and doesn’t live locally now anyway so hasn’t really been here much since. She has no contact with him but hasn’t ever attempted to move on since.

I just get the feeling she’s still clinging onto this connection with his family in the hope it eventually leads to them getting back together but I fear it’s probably doing the opposite. Some of his family and most likely her ex BF will find it a bit odd that shes mingling with all the family at a small family bbq. I just cringe a bit for her but feel I can’t tell her without hurting her feelings 🤦🏻‍♀️ Do I try to say something or just let her continue? I don’t want to be a bad friend by doing nothing when it’s gone on this long and only seems to be getting more intense but at the same time think itl be a shoot the messenger situation if I say anything!

OP posts:
Coronationstation · 07/07/2023 19:31

Not your family, not your relationships, stay out of it.

NannyGythaOgg · 07/07/2023 20:17

I am still friends with some of my ex husbands family.
We split up in 1985.
I went skiing with one of his sisters in 1989 (whilst the children were with him)
I went to Benidorm on holiday with a different sister in 2009.

Most of them came to my daughters 19th in 1996.
He came to my sister's funeral in 1991and my Dad's funeral in 2007

What is wrong in staying friendly with people you were once close to.

It may or may not be unhealthy but unless she is asking for your advice I would suggest you butt out.

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