Sense check..

[CandyLeBonBon]

I feel like I'm having some sort of breakdown.

I crumbled at work today and spent the afternoon in the loos crying my eyes out. I do a creative job and work very hard and my two male colleagues kind of hijacked my project and I just went to pieces and got really upset.

I'm normally very resilient and a 'get on with it' sort but I have multiple plates to juggle ( raising three teens/young adults alone, eldest son (21) asd and is a complex character, youngest (14) just pulled out of school due to bullying so now home educated until I can get her somewhere else, I have my own mental health diagnoses which work know about, as well as a painful physical condition that I fight every day. I think I'm still traumatised from my son trying to hang himself in November last year, and don't think I e processed it properly yet, plus there's historic csa in my own past, and I'm a dv/abuse survivor.)

I work really hard and thought I was good at my job but this 'stepping on toes' behaviour has been creeping in more and more (don't think it's malicious), and I've lost a bit of confidence as a result, and today everything just went 'pop' and now I just can't stop crying.

I feel so unprofessional, but I feel so odd in myself - Like I'm out of my body or a bit drunk (but I'm not) - and I feel like everything is happening to an alternate me rather than the real me iyswim

It's hard to explain. My dp has been lovely but he's gone home now (we don't live together) and I suppose I wanted to reach out a bit in case anyone has any words of wisdom?

Bump

Oh lovely. You’ve had a lot going on and it’s not surprising you’ve got to the stage where a little upset has tipped you over the edge.
Maybe it would be worth referring for some talking therapy to help you process your son trying to hang himself, I can’t imagine how to even begin to deal with the emotional turmoil of all that, never mind adding all the other stuff you have going on.
Today is a new day, I hope it’s a better one

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/talking-therapies-medicine-treatments/talking-therapies-and-counselling/nhs-talking-therapies/

Thanks @WhyDoesChocolateTasteSoGood
Something just went 'pop' yesterday. I'm now covered in hives, haven't slept and just can't face it.

The 'job hijacking' thing was the last straw I think. I worked really hard to bring my project to life and they just took over and it just tipped me over the edge. I have self referred for time to talk. Thankyou for the links. I just didn't have the energy to look myself.

You are struggling under a very heavy emotional load. I think your colleagues are sending it and taking advantage. So now, here is another battle- fighting to keep yoyr place at work. I would say something anout it “I was disappointed that you and x took credit for the project when I did x,y and z on it alone. Can you explain why this happened?” I wouldn’t pretend I hadn’t noticed and sweep it under the carpet. Cc the boss in too