I am a good friend; not by my own admission, my friends tell me I am. I’m a good listener. I give advice but I don’t interfere. I check in on people. I offer to help and so on.
I don’t have any close friends, it’s a few different good friends. We occasionally go out for meals but would never travel together sort of friends.
The problem is, I’m beginning to become resentful at the lack of reciprocation or care. A few of us have some big things going on in our lives.
Friend A’s marriage broke down. I was there for her and confided that DH and I had a rough patch. I consoled her and obviously kept her business to myself. OTOH, she had announced all of the things I had told her, to all of her friends , who I was also acquainted with. I only found out when these friends of hers brought it up with me in conversation.
Friend B is going through a hard time. Again, I’ve been there, commuting two hour round trips to help her with things. Sorting out major things for her. It is always me travelling to her and has been for the last few years. She never offers to visit. It is also always me initiating conversations and checking up on her . She’ll then ask how I am.
It’s been a few weeks since I saw her, so I asked if she wanted to meet up for lunch and I suggested a place half way for us both. She took a while to respond and eventually said she’s not in the right frame of mind to meet up. I understood and left it at that. I’ve since found out she’s been out with others in the week I suggested we meet up. It’s clear she just didn’t want to. However, she’ll then make comments that I don’t visit enough.
Friend C. It’s always me texting asking how they are. They are busy but they just seem to have lost interest.
Friend D. Lovely but very self absorbed. She will leave general chit chat messages on read but will reply eventually, when she needs help with something I am knowledgeable about. She makes noises about meeting for lunch but it never materialises.
I am chronically ill. My time is precious to me because I am permanently exhausted. I have 3 children, of which two have SN, both are high needs. My eldest DC plays sport at a high level and is at practice every week night; she relies on DH and I to take her. DH works. I’m a SAHM due to my own and DC care needs. I do however, have a 1.5hr daily commute to take DC2 for therapies.
I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and in burn out for a while, but none of my friends know. They have not asked either. I have treatment for my illness next week, which will leave me housebound for at least a week. Not one person has offered any sort of help or support.
The last straw is Friend B having declined my offer to meet for lunch due to poor mental health (all fine), but then her mentioning to me she’s been out socially elsewhere. She is the type of person who will complain if you don’t make an effort, but it’s never good enough when you do.
I’m so hurt and annoyed. Should I just sod it all and quietly retreat?