What do you do with 8 and 9 year old on weekends?

[PittedPrune]

When they were younger we were always out: country parks, every national trust and park in like 20 mile radius, beach, bike rides at local park, the odd glamping long weekend, visit cousins, every single museum in London.

Lately my 9 year old in particular gets very moody, complains and whinges at EVERYTHING. Sometimes we go for a walk and he just ruins it all with the sarcastic/snide remarks, bickering with sibling and utter lack of enthusiasm. He has always been grumpy but now it is hard to force him to do things he doesnt want to. He is fine if at friends' parties or playing computer games/reading. He likes sports, but that is not family time, more like chauffeur and laundry service (ferry him to cricket/football training and matches).

The kids seem to like stuff that cost - nice pub meal, go kart, go ape, escape room but these things are bloody expensive and I reserve them for birthday treats.

The only thing we do now is swimming and that is all of 1 hour a weekend.

Both of mine seem to hate seaside and nature walks (wierd, but believe me the amount of stick i get when we do). They're not even interested in playgrounds now.

What do others do? Perhaps I'm struggling a bit at having a grumpy almost teenager so soon. Or growing kids who have different interests to DH and me. They're too young to be left alone for me to do my own thing too.

Saturday - cricket match for DS1 (DS2 has to come watch as DH is working…there are a small pack of younger siblings aged 7-9 there). In the winter I’d try to get them out and if not get a jigsaw or a game out. Lunch. Afternoon homework and then DH will be home.
Sunday - collapse, complaining is met with the offer of a long walk with me, sometimes taken up. Sunday lunch to break up the day.

They average an hour on the Switch a day at the weekend. Cartoons in the morning before 9 o’clock.

Feel guilty as I am so busy catching up with housework and home management ☹️

Mine are busy with activities most of Saturday and Sunday mornings. Then we see family, go for walks, film night ECTs.

Sometimes we go for a walk and he just ruins it all with the sarcastic/snide remarks, bickering with sibling and utter lack of enthusiasm.
I have one of these. I treat it as bad behaviour and either say it shows that someone needs an early night or just do a screen ban for the rest of the day/weekend or go home without e.g. and ice cream.
Although I must admit, last time we went on a walk she smuggled out her headphones and phone and spent the time listening to an audio book. Most peaceful walk I've had in a long time!

He has always been grumpy but now it is hard to force him to do things he doesnt want to. I allow one refusal but never two in a row. So if she refuses to go somewhere one weekend, then whatever the activity, she has to join in the following day or weekend.

I have an 11 yo ds who is at the age where he’s less keen on doing the easy/free stuff! Sone cheapish things we have done in the last year (seaside ones are on hol as we don’t live near the sea):

window shopping round primark
go for a mcflurry
kfc (not super cheap but not too much!)
free museums
bike rides or take bikes on a walk
walk to a stream where they can play/make a dam etc
crabbing/fishing at the seaside
rock pooling
finding rocks and cracking them open with a hammer to see if there are fossils inside (need safety glasses!)
fire pit and cook food on it at home (he enjoys the responsibility of chopping ir finding kindling, lighting it and tending to it)
cheap early morning “movies for juniors” at cinema
playing pool if you have somewhere local that has pool tables rather than going in a pub!
getting paid for gardening

She was dragged on walks and I ignored the whinging! They soon learn that moaning doesn't work so at 11yrs old she has just accepted it.
The weekend rule in our house is that she has to do at least 1 outdoor + fresh air activity per day and I then don't mind her slobbing around for the rest of the day. So Saturday is horse riding + Pony Club. Sunday is dog walking for 1-2 hours.
We then do 1 weekend a month of "going somewhere" ie National Trust, trampolining, bowling etc but these things have to be earned and are easily lost as they cost money.

My 8 year old is getting very picky about stuff too. He has sport both morning and often a party or playdate later, but sometimes I want to do something I actually enjoy, and he can no longer automatically be fobbed off with whatever children my friends bring. We still do stuff but sometimes I have to grit my teeth and accept that he has to be polite but he doesn't have to enjoy himself, even if his lack of enthusiasm somewhat spoils things for me.

Tomorrow is a school strike day and I will be taking him for a lovely walk along the Thames in the sunshine, over to Battersea park, and to look around the power station development. He will suck the enjoyment out of it by repeatedly asking if it is time to go home so he can play Pokémon Scarlet. Every time he does this I will remember doing the same walk joyfully when he was a 3 year old on a balance bike, and sigh.

Very similar. Mine will ask to play fortnite and if I take it away for unacceptable behaviour he'll happily read books instead. I can't take away books! In fact he asked me why can't he be "grounded like his friends" as that sounds like bliss.

With family he doesn't play with his slightly older cousins any more. To be fair I can't force him to like people. He's not rude, just not engaged.

Im kinda glad im not entirely alone.

His cricket matches are weekday evenings so perhaps I should consider he is genuinely tired at weekends. but then we don't get to do anything fun as we can't leave him alone at home (yet).

he'll happily read books instead.

Oh that's not so bad! Mine will just flop upside down and make mouth noises between mournful sighs, so I'd say you're winning there.

I can't remember exactly as it was a few years ago, but I think I just accepted that it was what it was, they didn't want to do that stuff any more. And that's fine. It isn't fun for anyone if people are forced to do something they don't want to do, so why would you? They did their sports- football matches/swim clubs/dance and they played with their friends. I just started getting on with my own things. Everyone was happy.

Mine are into music so we go to concerts a lot as there are a lot of concerts aimed at their age group (often classical). They do a circus class at weekends, we swim as a family, and we go to theatre shows (not all West End stuff, often smaller places like Unicorn and Artsdepot do good shows). They do a fair bit of playing, musicianship classes and performances at weekends.

They like trying out different sports - it's nice to do a short course in some things even if we know they won't commit to it. E.g climbing, ice skating, skateboarding. We've done some indoor skiing although that needed a short break near a snow centre.

We do stuff like Go Ape, escape rooms, Hobbledown, some touristy stuff and theme parks throughout the year, as I figure they're only young once and will soon get bored of it.

When they have a school topic we like to do a visit to somewhere relevant. E.g we took a trip to Leicester for the space museum, St Albans for Romans etc.

My kids would never voluntarily go for a 'walk', but they love geocaching which is basically the same as going for a walk...

The problem is an 8 year old can't just be left while I go out and get on with my life.

And honestly at 8 I don't want him to just settle into playing football and Nintendo within a half mile radius of home, eating the same food in the same restaurant, which he would happily do. I want him to see what else is out there, even if he decides against all of it.

If he's into books - take him on a charity shop/independent book shop rummage, then find a nice cafe for a coffee and enjoy your book's/people watching together? Waterstones with a costa if you don't have independent book shops locally.

Get them to write and record a radio play? Get everyone involved with doing the voices and then play it for everyone to listen to at tea time on Sunday?

My 9yo plays with friends that live on our street, is that an option?

They will call on each other and play in either our or their house for hours, switching location every now and then.

We:

Go shopping (charity shops mainly)
Watch films together - my daughter has seen a lot of what I consider "classic" films together
Cook/bake together
Dog walks
Allotment
Cinema sometimes, but that's expensive
Fairground if there is one local, or the arcades, but ditto, expensive!

You can't make them enjoy stuff tho!

To be honest, when I was that age my mom wasn't doing stuff with me 24/7. I was largely left to my own devices, or playing with friends. And she wasn't a bad mom, not at all, that was just how it was.

Don't put yourself under pressure to create "family time" all the time. It isn't necessary and will make you feel like a failure.....

My 9 year old is obsessed with fishing,

So Saturday will be badminton club, followed by fishing for pike on our local canal in the morning. In the afternoon we will go to another canal and practise a different style of fishing to prepare for an upcoming competition.

On Sunday he has a swimming lesson, then we'll have a family outing to a local town for a mooch, tea and (hopefully) cake.

I'm sure there will be much fishing based discussion and moaning about needing more pocket money thrown in

Their interests do get more expensive as they get older. You look back fondly on the days when a walk where they find a stick and a conker was enough to delight them!

If you can afford the more expensive days out then I would include a few more of those, just birthdays is a bit mean. You can then use these days to bribe them for better behaviour on the other days. I'd agree one activity a month, their choice (go karts/escape room etc), but they only get that if they behave when it's your turn to choose the activity.

I'd also let them choose to stay home and read for some of the time, with the agreement that you can then choose the next day/weeks activity. I find if they feel the arrangement is fair i.e. everyone gets a turn to choose they're a lot better at going along with it. Also, if they know what's coming up i.e. go karts are on the horizon we just need to tow the line on this day at a NT property.

I want him to see what else is out there, even if he decides against all of it. He has decided against most of it. Younger one is becoming the same. Just a year ago we'd go for bike rides, look for interesting stones/bugs, wade into river with a fishing net. Now, whinge whinge whinge "can we go home now?"

Gardening: none likes it. I pay my younger to do weeding sometimes but she won't do more than 20 minutes

Shopping/bookstore/cafe/eating out: DH and kids hate this. Within half an hour, and even with enticement of ice cream, cake, McD "can we go home now? I want to eat at home". I'm the only "urban" person.

Cinema/film/TV: we don't enjoy the same stuff at the moment. Everybody watches on tablet separately. We also don't watch the telly (no restrictions, just, nobody turns it on)

Walk/dog: my 9yo said he'd move out if I get a dog. I'm getting one on his 18th birthday

theme parks, National trust, excursion places: 9yo always going "stupid house/garden, oh more trees, why are we here" he also gets car sick. Hates crowds (musuems). Like my grumpy 85 year old dad but only 9

They never mind being at home, we have a trampoline and good sized garden. They like gaming, baking, crafts, chess, board games. I do some of these but get cabin fever.

Now thinking about it, DH and I are working mostly sedentary during the week while they have sports and active stuff all week. Come weekend we want different things.

I think fishing, pool table and badminton will be worth trying. Thanks for the suggestions.

It sounds like they do keep themselves occupied at home with a range of interests from what you say - the fact that they like boardgames, reading, baking, crafts, trampolining in the garden..... I work with kids around this age and I would say yours have a broader range of interests than many!

They just don't massively like going out. As long as that doesn't become a pathological refusal to ever go out, I wouldn't sweat it to be honest.

As you say, they are tired from the week. I do try to put very little pressure on my daughter to do anything much at weekends - we keep them really chilled. Because she works hard at school, and does various activities too in the week, and frankly she is exhausted!

Today, we went out for breakfast and to the allotment for a couple of hours, but rest of the day will be spent in, watching DVDs, gaming, cooking, reading, chilling.......

Also think about it - if your kids weren't content at home and wanted to be out all the time it might be even more stressful for you!

"Family time" is a modern invention. When I was 9 I either had to trail round after my parents if they were shopping or whatever, or I was in my room reading, which I loved. Even better was that from about that age I was allowed to catch the bus into town on my own to go to the library.
All meals were as a family, but do kids really need lots of things organising for them? It sounds a bit grim & regimented. Just let them chill out on their own!

I think gaming is perhaps the problem, once they discover gaming they often feel like everything else is boring in comparison. We allow tv for our 4 kids but no gaming and don’t tend to get complaints about going out & doing things on weekends