Do I have autism or something else?

[Simplestead]

I had ALIW syndrome as a child. Only just discovered it was actually a thing. It disappeared in my teens. I also suffer from generalized anxiety & depression and I spend a ridiculous amount of time daydreaming. I recently came off Sertraline because it made me emotionless. I've started talking to myself (in my head and out loud) which I did before the Sertraline.

Do you think it's all related? Or am I just a nut job 😔

I did an online test for autism and it suggested I had mild autism. I'm not convinced. I very good a reading people's mood etc

ALIW is Alice in Wonderland Syndrome

Which autism traits do you feel you have?
Could you afford to be privately assessed to rule it out?

I haven't heard of ALIW does it manifest similarly to a dysphoria? Wondering what your symptoms were. Alot in media about girls in school identifying as cats and not being believed. I have worked with many ASD children and identifying as a cat is quite well known on the demand avoidant profile, seems to be a tool for managing stress. What are your other symptoms? Perceiving yourself to be smaller than you are could be a trauma response, trying to minimise your presence.

your symptoms are probably related, but I wouldn't leap to the idea that it is autism

do you have a psychiatrist? if not, can you get referred to one?

The Alice in Wonderland Syndrome is where the size of things is distorted. Normally occurs just before sleep. I used to lie in bed and look at my hand and it seemed huge. Also bits of the room would come towards me. It can be related to seizures/epilepsy but I've never had one.

I talk to myself - or, more correctly, to nobody in particular. It's surprisingly normal. A lot of us feel more grounded or 'in touch with things' when we use our voices. When I have a pet, it gets the benefit of my musings & observations 😂

I've actually been diagnosed (twice!) as not 'mad', in the sense that I don't have a personality disorder or other reality-distorting syndrome. I do have depression and am medicated. I had dysmorphic anorexia in my teens. It's likely that I have some autism-related condition, but am not going to bother seeking diagnosis as I can muddle through.

Do you think your depression might be colouring your view of yourself as somehow faulty? Are there specific things that suggest autism to you?

Any childhood trauma? There is crossover with presentation of autism. I thought I might be on the spectrum but the more training I have had on ACEs, the more the penny has dropped for me.

I had this as a child, when I had a fever.

I used to have AiWLS too. It was really bad as a kid/teen. I would sometimes scream out because it was making me feel so claustrophobic (a far away wall would be in my face).

Have you explored the possibility of childhood trauma?

My DH had AIWL syndrome as a kid. I don't think there's any relation to asd, depression etc, is there? He also only recently found out it was a real thing! One of my DCs seems to experience it too.

Definitely look into the trauma thing. Nothing about what you've said suggests neurodivergence. Autism is a developmental condition. It may present like trauma but you can end up suffering from trauma due to it. You don't get autism because you had trauma if that makes sense.

But autism in women is not as clear cut as not being able to read people moods. Do some proper research into what it is and how it presents and don't get caught up i the stereotypes. Eg I make eye contact so I can't be autistic or I don't make eye contact so I must be- it's much more nuanced that than. Of course there are some which will fit with stereotypes but autistic women's are all different.

I have aiws but I think it’s neurologicallly more related to seizures and migraines but not asd or nd. Although not much is known about it.
how emotionally stable are you? You can do online tests which are actually pretty good and based on Dsm criteria.
when you say talk to yourself, I think everyone does that. Unless the content is more unusual, paranoid, overly negative or more fantastical?

I had this as a child, when I had a fever.

Me too! Only once or twice, I remember it clearly and I'm 53.

You haven't said anything that indicates autism here. Have you missed it out deliberately?

What makes you think you could be autistic? Have you looked at the diagnostic criteria to see if you would 'fit' them?

I don’t know what it is, but I relate to everything you’ve said apart from the talking out loud. Also I did have epilepsy when younger, but the ALIW thing (never knew there was a term for it!) was never related to a seizure. I never really thought much of it. My anxiety seemed to magically go when I had children for some reason, I hope it never comes back. Sorry not much help, but would be interested to know what it is! I sometimes wonder if I’m on the spectrum, perhaps ADHD, or maybe neither