Not seen FIL for over five years

[DyslexicPoster]

I don't know what to think any more. I have in the past wanted to try to keep in contact with dhs family for the sake of my kids but my in laws are disinterested and crap.

We used to be close to dh uncle pre covid but haven't seen him for even longer - maybe 6 years. I keep asking dh to arrange something before one of them dies etc as both are getting old now.

But recently my mum has died and it's made me rethink that these people haven't sought us out. Dh says his dad keeps on putting him off ( asked to go up and see him with the kids in Jan and fil said let do Easter, which has also now passed because the bunnies would be out, wtf?)

I suddenly think that when you get to four plus years of not seeing family, what's the point? Covid certainly hasn't helped and probably gave a lot of people permission to give up contact.

But ultimately it feels like it's too long now and too weird. Neither of them reaches out to see us, we have reached out to them . Uncle has said to meeting up, fil only seems to want to see dh and the older kids.

I don't see why you need to make an absolute decision on this. Could you take a step back from the feelings surrounding the situation and be a bit more easygoing about seeing them, and look at it that if you see them, you see them, and if you don't, you don't, and not worry so much about timescales or whether it's a slight that they haven't visited lately?
There are loads of people from my life who I haven't seen for five years or more but who I wouldn't go out of my way not to bother with just because of that.

I would be wondering what is putting your father in law off seeing you all. Is the proposal to all go and stay with him in his house? Would that be too full on, or is the house in a state, or has he got a new partner he hasn't mentioned?

Also I must say I would not let 4 years pass without seeing my parents, so why has your husband not just gone up there? It doesn't have to be a big deal, he could just book a hotel and then say "I'm in town this Saturday, let's go for lunch."

Certainly it isn't your responsibility but it sounds like a situation where all the men in a family are a bit shit at holding things together and so it doesn't happen.

We stay in a hotel when we see fil, would not fit in his house. Fil sees dh every year, just not as a family. He divorced dhs mum when dh was 8 and remarried and step mil has never had kids so I feel that's a big factor.

As dh sees his dad I don't think he sees it as being as weird as from my prospective. He sees him so he probably doesn't feel not seeing the two younger kids for so long is weird. He saw the two teens probably about 19 months ago. It's the 8 and 11 year old he hasn't seen in years. Or me. But it's probably at that point it's too awkward now for me.

Yes definitely a case of shit men not communicating well. But then it can't be that important either to them?

Uncle and aunt are god parents to all of my kids too. They couldn't pick them out in a line up now.