DD (14) missing again - need a handhold

[ninja]

3rd time in the last week I've had to call the police

Usually she's been out with friends and not come back. This time she's picked a fight and jumped out of the window and run - so she's alone and angry. She has ASD and no concept of risk and pushes every boundary.

I'm just so tired - I've spent the last 18 months fighting to keep her in education, to try and keep her safe. She says it's all my fault.

Her dad is the golden person but she refuses to stay at his. All demand here are low she has a charmed life in many ways and while I understand that her anxiety must be high and the uncertainly about schools is hard she won't accept any help she just goes out every night and tries to demand more and more money and things

Most of all I'm worried that a vulnerable 14 year old is out there alone not able to find a way to come home because that would be backing down with 1% of battery left in her phone

I'm so sorry. I cannot imagine the worry you are going through. I don't suppose it's possible she's hiding at a friend's house?

Also, there are proms and after-parties going on all over atm. My DD is at one now in a local country park. With any luck, your DD has found one and is surrounded by other teens. If you have anyone available it might be an idea to check local teen hangouts.

Just me so I'm waiting at home - I think the police will come round at some point.

It's a village so unlikely to be proms - she might have hopped on a bus. She has no money and I can't think who she could go to at 12.30am.

She did phone to say she wasn't coming back and she sounded like she was by the side of a road

It's been such a shot year and normally I'm quite calm even though I'm really worried - but this time, maybe because she's saying it's all my fault, I'm a mess and of course second guessing myself

I've walked around for 30 minutes and driven around for 30 minutes - I've checked her dad's house. Just don't know what to do

I don't know how much more of this I can take

It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault. She's a teenager. Her hormones are all over the place.

When I had problems with my youngest after her dad died my mum reminded me that you often lash out at those who are closest to you when you're in pain because you instinctively know that they will always love you, no matter how shitty you treat them.

I hope she's found very, very soon. You sound understandably shattered, OP. Are you getting any support for yourself?

It's not your fault, you know that in your heart. You sound like a great mum. It's a thing teenagers say, just like when they are toddlers and they hold in their tantrums for mum after nursery - all her frustration and anger is being directed at you. I'm sure you know this anyway. But don't blame yourself. I hope she comes home soon we'll be here waiting with you.

The best thing you can do is wait at home if the police are out looking for her.

Is there any way you can find her through her phone (like find my iPhone etc)?

She's safe - she phoned me and finally let me collect her. She was at McDonald's (which was closed) a few miles away

Thanks for the kind words.

Her behaviour is escalating (her new friend has been doing this for a year).

She hates me at the moment because 10 days ago she told me she'd taken an overdose - and I called an ambulance, they arrived 18 hours later (by which point I suspected that she hadn't). Insisted she should go to hospital to be checked out, she absconded and the police had to be called and in the end they had to drag her into the ambulance. They'd asked me to stay out of the way because she was being aggressive to me. She's understandably traumatised by it but is blaming me (and her dad isn't helping by telling her he thinks I didn't act well). It was horrible being told she could have internal organs damage and so many people - it was scary for all of us.

I'm so relieved for you, OP. I'm sure you're already seeking support for DD but please, please find some for yourself too.

Thinking of you tonight

Also, she doesn't hate you. You are her safe space, that's why she can act out for you. She doesn't need to put on a brave face for you.

But I know from experience it is hard being the safe space. You deserve support too.

Thank you - we have early help coming round this morning and the missing person team this afternoon. I just wish she'd access some help.