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Original poster

Sad and jealous

14 replies

blushy21 · 05/07/2023 18:51

I don't like to think of myself as jealous but I must be and I'm angry at myself for it.

I got divorced 5 years ago, and I feel like everyone around me has moved on but I am stood still.

I'm only early 30s but I married young and had 3 children.

Any of my friends that have split up/divorced or been single in the past few years have all found someone new, moved in, got married, got engaged. But I am still on my own.

This past week one of my best friends who also got divorced a few years ago has got engaged, and I can't help feeling sad for myself even though I am happy for her. She has several children too, like me.

I feel like I must be unloveable. I have no one to love me, care for me, or protect me. People say "oh but your children love you", and I know that but it is different. I've had one relationship since my divorce, I'm quite cautious though.

I'm not ugly, I own my own house, I have a decent professional job, I think I'm a nice person, have interesting hobbies... but I see everyone around me happy.

I'm definitely happier than I was married, and I know I don't need a relationship to be happy, I quite like my own company. But I think I miss the feeling of being loved and cared about and have convinced myself there must be something very wrong with me.

OP posts:

EVHead · 05/07/2023 18:55

Do you want to meet someone? What are you doing about that? How/where did your friends meet their new person?

Original poster

blushy21 · 05/07/2023 18:58

I tried online dating, that's where I met my ex. When we broke up he told me no one would want me with three kids.

I've dated some single dads but never really clicked with anyone.

Most of my friends met their partners on OLD/through work.

OP posts:

justanothermanicmonday1 · 05/07/2023 19:02

I know how you feel OP.

I was the very last one to meet my DP and have kids: I was really lonely.

one of my friends met someone and she has three kids. They are engaged and had a baby. Your time will come.

Get your exs voice out of your head.

Remember comparison is the thief of joy.....

Interested in this thread?

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Relationship problems

Theblacksheepandme · 05/07/2023 19:08

Could any of your hobbies lead to meeting someone? Don't be listening to what your ex said. He was just being nasty.

MaryJean87 · 05/07/2023 19:12

You're not unlovable. The fact is, you shouldn't compare yourself to other people. They may seem happy and loved up now, but who knows, in the future they may be divorced/ single and you may be in a relationship. You're where you are now, but life ebbs and flows and things change all the time.

pikkumyy77 · 05/07/2023 19:14

Try to think if your ex’s comment as a curse that you took to heart. Work on increasing your personal happiness and hobbies and activities.

Original poster

blushy21 · 05/07/2023 19:23

I like that @pikkumyy77 but I feel like it must be true and my ex is right. Why would anyone want me when there are so many women without children?

I have really tried the personal happiness thing for years and thrown myself into work, hobbies, the children, doing things that make me happy... and for the most part I feel okay and then other times it just hits me so hard that I am alone.

OP posts:

Original poster

blushy21 · 05/07/2023 19:25

@Theblacksheepandme my hobbies are very female dominated, but I did recently get chatting to what I thought was a nice man.

Exchanged numbers, he seemed interesting and nice at first... next thing you know I get the dreaded d*ck pic.

OP posts:

Redlorryyellowlorryblue · 05/07/2023 19:27

You are so young! Get back on OLD. It’s a numbers game

Springbecamethesummer · 05/07/2023 19:28

I'm the opposite, no man could add anything to my life than what I've already got. He would just end up being a pain in the backside and l would go back to feeling suffocated. Every single day l celebrate myself, and my freedom. I love having my own home, my own way of doing things, peace and quiet. I don't envy others who are tethered to one another, it's not for me.
You don't need anyone else's approval but your own, who cares what your ex said, what does he know ?
Life is full of surprises you could meet someone and be stuck with them for next 50 years, how appealing is that?
In some countries young women are married off very young, no choice, they can only ever dream of your life and freedom. Maybe think about that perspective instead.

Original poster

blushy21 · 06/07/2023 10:38

Thanks all.

I'm reasonably happy with who I am I suppose. I fill my time, do things that make me feel happy where I can.

But it is relentless being a single parent.

I just see everyone around me being loved, having someone to go on holidays with, family barbecues, things like that. And just question why I'm not good enough for anyone to want to have that with.

OP posts:

Beezknees · 06/07/2023 11:50

I'm the opposite too. I bloody love being single. I don't need validation from anyone else to know I'm a great person. I have been a lone parent for 15 years (ex is not in the picture at all) I can't imagine having a man coming in and upsetting the balance. Stepfamily situations are more trouble and stress than they're worth!

There's nothing wrong with you. I don't think dating is the same as it used to be. Sad to say it feels like there are more bad men out there than good ones.

caringcarer · 06/07/2023 11:58

blushy21 · 05/07/2023 19:23

I like that @pikkumyy77 but I feel like it must be true and my ex is right. Why would anyone want me when there are so many women without children?

There are plenty of good men out there who will want a relationship with a women with children. My single son is in a relationship with a lovely lady with 2 children she had whilst very young and a grandchild one of her DD's had whilst still very young. We tease my son sometimes calling him Grampa. He laughs and says he likes the little boy. He's not keen an having children himself but gets on very well with his partners 2 DD's. His partner is happy with her children as growing up now and eldest at uni but doesn't want to have more children so both happy. There will be someone out there for you OP. It's just when you will find them. My son met his partner on Plenty of Fish.

NaeLuu · 17/02/2024 23:46

I fell like My husband and I have been drifting apart lately. I can’t express how as we still hang out together and stay as intimate as before but something’s bothering me lately.

well lately his (girl) bestfriend have been really depressed. Her boyfriend broke up with her, she had to deal with a lot of past traumas and my husband does his best to help her through that hard time. I’m always supportive of his decisions and I think he’s really nice for assisting his friends during hardship. However, Her and I have always been awkward with each other. She’s not the kind to open up easily (due to her trauma) and I don’t feel like she likes me that much. But I’ve never been jealous of their relationship and would never tell him to not be friends with her anymore. (He can be friends with whoever he wants)

But the thing is, he is ALWAYS by her side these days. I don’t feel like he even knows my whereabouts with how much time he spends with her. Always texting her (when we go out together, when we eat together, when we FaceTime each other, when we’re going to bed…) he is constantly paying attention to her.
And I really don’t want to appear as selfish you know, I mean. I know she’s sad and don’t feel well, and that he is only trying to help her.
but sincerely I feel left out…
as I can’t even know what’s happening (because it’s something they don’t wanna share and I want to respect that)
I don’t want to talk to him about that as I know it’s seems really childish. But it has been going for weeks and weeks, and I feel more and more uncomfortable with that situation.

Am I being unreasonable ?
hone I don’t really know what to do. Should I just let some time passes maybe

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