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Neighbour making noise on purpose

10 replies

Cakepyramids · 05/07/2023 18:30

I live in a semi detached with poor soundproofing. My direct neighbour covers childcare for her daughter and home schools the grandchildren age 6/7 and 4 several times a week.
There never seems to be much home schooling going on as they stomp and run around the house all day. I hear balls being thrown at our shared wall for an hour at a time. I’ve had banging on walls overnight too and toys being thrown at my windows.
Im on maternity leave currently and wasn’t aware of how much I could hear until I started being home more. I put it down to poor parenting and unruly children at first, (no wish to offend) as they never seem to leave the house, not even to use the garden or to go to the park. Also that perhaps the woman wasn’t aware of how the noise carries so I ignored it hoping it would die down.
The noise begins at 6.30 and doesn’t stop until 7.30 when they’re taken home. They sleepover on occasional weekends and the noise is never ending so I stay with family on those weekends now.
I started getting myself prepped to have a polite word soon, as I’m due a baby soon and would like to have some rest without constant banging.
Then to throw a spanner in the works as I went to my car this afternoon the eldest child was standing near it watching me. He said hello so I said hello back. Neighbour nowhere in sight. He then asked if I had a baby in my tummy so I said yes and asked if he was having fun with his ball (it was bouncing against the shared wall just beforehand) he said no but nanny tells me I have to be noisy. I asked why and he said she doesn’t like you. So I said bye and went back inside as I didn’t feel comfortable talking to a young child while the responsible adult was inside the house. (Front door was open and it’s a small safe cul de sac).
Im now pretty upset and angry to find it’s on purpose. We’ve have no issues or falling out with this neighbour at all so I’m not sure why she would tell a young child she doesn’t like me and to then encourage them to be malicious.
I know some will say a newborn will cause a disturbance to her life, but not over the sound of these children. It’s unbearable and stressful. I already looked into reporting her and the local council will not consider complaints about children full stop. It means I will have to spend my leave and my baby’s early days/weeks tucked in the spare room to avoid the noise.
Do I confront her? I think if she knew it bothered me it would get worse as she clearly has it in for me. I just don’t know what to do. Her and her family have brand new cars and don’t work, I’m a young single mum (to be) renting my aunts house cheaply. Maybe she just looks down on me. Short of moving while heavily pregnant is there any advice that can make it more bearable?

OP posts:
HaveYouHeardOfARoadAtlas · 05/07/2023 18:39

I agree, that for now don’t let her know it’s bothering you. Maybe she will get bored. Can you try and “befriend” her a bit? Going out your way to be pleasant/chat when you see her?

WonderfulUsername · 05/07/2023 18:45

Why did you automatically believe the kid?

Tell gran what he said as she could quite possibly be mortified!

Motnight · 05/07/2023 18:57

If the sound proofing is poor, once you have a baby your neighbour will be having to deal with your noise.

Though asking your grandchild to deliberately make noise is bonkers if true.

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Zepherine · 05/07/2023 19:01

You said the grandmother is covering child care for her daughter. Is she working? Could you speak to her? It doesn’t have to be confrontational but I wonder if she knows what is going on when she isn’t there.

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 05/07/2023 19:10

@Motnight Not necessarily. We had a twatty neighbour who used to do the same. She didn't even notice I'd had the baby and had never heard any crying etc as her own noise was so bad.
The kids next door told me they'd been told they had to hate me and shout swear words.

She did up the noise level even more once she knew about the baby though 🙄.

OP I sympathise. Trying to speak with these sorts of people only tends to make it worse I'm afraid.

Quveas · 05/07/2023 19:12

You had me until you dredged up the brand new cars and not being in work. Sounds like you deserve each other.

MargaretThursday · 05/07/2023 19:25

You're never going to be able to make an uncooperative child to keep on throwing a ball at the wall for hours on end because you don't like the people next door. They'll soon be back and whinging round you that they've done it and they're bored.

NikaWalk · 01/10/2023 06:46

Are you sure he said that; or is that how you have construed the situation to be?
Children don't usually get bound in up irrational requests from their parents, grandparents.
If she has asked him to deliberately bounce the ball for her benefit and not for his, for sure he'll retaliate eventually against her.
Keep him onside, without being over the top, so he holds nothing against you at all; in time he'll turn on twisted gran and your victory will be sweet.
I've had similar with neighbour who played similar game with her teens, eventually teens get bored of the game and mum's left in the cold.
Unsure why this woman would hold anything against you other than she possibly leads fairly small life herself and is loathe to say the word - jealous towards your fuller life with baby to be, partner, career.
Nightmare to live alongside as she'll have plenty of time on her hands to stir stuff up for you; also some kind of narcissism that they actually don't like to be ignored.
Honestly tactical minefield but best advice is ignore noise as if you've not noticed, half deaf or not bothered, they'll get bored of it soon enough and will only continue if they know its getting rise from you.
Other ways to gently decompress the situation and take wind out of her sails is from time to time say you've been gifted with something you know they'll like from food to toys to clothing - doesn't fit you so on would they like it; very hard to hate a gift horse ; - good luck

Nica07 · 01/10/2023 07:20

Sounds that they are protecting themselves - homeschooling when they're not. Doubt they look down on you for being single mum as such - more that they judge you to being one of their own and show little respect for it.
Don't confront her directly as that shows she's getting to you and you've noticed them and her; just pay blind eye to it all and try to invest in your own life much as possible so theirs become less and less relevant.
If she's elderly there will come a time she'll be too old to cope with the houseful, plus the children grow quickly and will be looking at other ways to spend their time with gran. Children are difficult to manipulate for long to do things against their will - bouncing balls so on and if she's twisted them to do so, they'll quickly twist back and turn their backs on her and her games.

FlopsSake · 01/10/2023 09:20

I wonder if she is home schooling? Is there anyone you can anonymously report her to? Ofsted type organisation for home schooling. Surely someone checks up on these kids?! I would have thought Gran would be struggling to cope with all these kids daily. They sound like theyre climbing the walls if they do not ever go into the back garden/out of the house (poor kids)

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