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Original poster

Feeling hopeless

11 replies

DraculasDaughter · 05/07/2023 16:43

I had an unhappy childhood with two dysfunctional parents. My dad died just before COVID hit, then my mum developed psychosis and has become very dependent on me. I've hit the menopause. I have zero libido which has ruined my relationship with DH. I'm the only breadwinner. My dog is elderly. I don't get on with my sister and I have no friends. The only good thing in my life is my son and he's now 18, has a girlfriend and spends a lot of time there. Can't really blame him. I can't see much of a future tbh. Other than my increasing sick mother, a strained marriage and utter loneliness. Sorry to depress anyone whose read this. Tbh if it wasn't for my son, I'd be taking a one way trip to Beach Head....

OP posts:
Ontobetterthings · 05/07/2023 16:44

Sorry you are feeling bad. You have been through a lot. Be kind to yourself, you are in a tough spot now. Things will improve.

Firecrest17 · 05/07/2023 16:51

Oh op, that sounds really tough. Please hang in there - 18 year olds are tricky with the fairly new need for independence but he needs you far more than you can imagine and he will continue to need you for many years yet. I know things are very bleak at the moment, and I know it’s a cliche to say that this will change, there will be better days ahead, but it’s a cliche because it’s true!

however, I appreciate you need to get through the short term and it sounds like everything is so hard. I think you’ve done the right thing reaching out here. Can you talk to a GP? Or Samaritans? I know therapy is a bit of a long haul, but it is always worth a try on the off chance you find someone who really can help.

it sounds like you need to find something you can do every week or every day if time allows that is just for you and allows you to escape even briefly from the enormous amount you must be carrying around. Is there anything you enjoyed doing in the past that you could try agsin? I had terrible depression a while back and in the end I made myself swim for 15-20 minutes every morning. It wasn’t much and it wasn’t a total cure, but it took the edge off enough to enable me to survive and gradually things began to improve.

I hope you’re ok. Be kind to yourself. Don’t underestimate how hard you work. Take time out alone whenever you can. Come back on here when you feel it’s all too much ❤️❤️

Thelnebriati · 05/07/2023 16:53

You have two dysfunctional parents and did not pass that trauma on to your son - give yourself credit for that, its a huge achievement.

You're dealing with a lot of negative changes all at once. Is there anything you still love doing? Is there anything you would like to try? And have you seen your GP?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Menopause Women's health
SadKendall · 05/07/2023 17:10

You are not responsible for caring for a parent who gave you an unhappy childhood.

Why doesn't DH work?

Summer2424 · 05/07/2023 17:14

Hi @DraculasDaughter i'm so sorry you're going through this xx
I have had some really crappy situations going on around me. I look at my DD and i think no i have show her i can get through this. Sending you lots of strength to get through this time xx

Backstreets · 05/07/2023 17:18

I wonder if your mother is exhausting you - can’t your sister take some of the load? Please take care of yourself and talk to a professional if necessary

Original poster
DraculasDaughter · 05/07/2023 17:50

SadKendall · 05/07/2023 17:10

You are not responsible for caring for a parent who gave you an unhappy childhood.

Why doesn't DH work?

He's a lot older than me. He's retired now.

I do love my mum enormously. I can't not care for her.

OP posts:
Original poster
DraculasDaughter · 05/07/2023 17:51

Firecrest17 · 05/07/2023 16:51

Oh op, that sounds really tough. Please hang in there - 18 year olds are tricky with the fairly new need for independence but he needs you far more than you can imagine and he will continue to need you for many years yet. I know things are very bleak at the moment, and I know it’s a cliche to say that this will change, there will be better days ahead, but it’s a cliche because it’s true!

however, I appreciate you need to get through the short term and it sounds like everything is so hard. I think you’ve done the right thing reaching out here. Can you talk to a GP? Or Samaritans? I know therapy is a bit of a long haul, but it is always worth a try on the off chance you find someone who really can help.

it sounds like you need to find something you can do every week or every day if time allows that is just for you and allows you to escape even briefly from the enormous amount you must be carrying around. Is there anything you enjoyed doing in the past that you could try agsin? I had terrible depression a while back and in the end I made myself swim for 15-20 minutes every morning. It wasn’t much and it wasn’t a total cure, but it took the edge off enough to enable me to survive and gradually things began to improve.

I hope you’re ok. Be kind to yourself. Don’t underestimate how hard you work. Take time out alone whenever you can. Come back on here when you feel it’s all too much ❤️❤️

Thank you for your kind words. I like gardening but even that can be a struggle.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 05/07/2023 17:54

What about the future when you are babysitting your son's children? And the future when you have a new dog who thinks you are the bees knees? Or the future when you are retire and planning to move to your dream location or planning to travel? Or the future when your libido has returned and you and your husband spend the weekend in bed?

GardeningIdiot · 05/07/2023 17:59

Eyesopenwideawake · 05/07/2023 17:54

What about the future when you are babysitting your son's children? And the future when you have a new dog who thinks you are the bees knees? Or the future when you are retire and planning to move to your dream location or planning to travel? Or the future when your libido has returned and you and your husband spend the weekend in bed?

Goodness. There may be some possibilities in some of that, but you're veering into toxic positivity there. Sensitivity needed.

Firecrest17 · 06/07/2023 20:33

Eyesopenwideawake · 05/07/2023 17:54

What about the future when you are babysitting your son's children? And the future when you have a new dog who thinks you are the bees knees? Or the future when you are retire and planning to move to your dream location or planning to travel? Or the future when your libido has returned and you and your husband spend the weekend in bed?

Exactly this!! This kind of future is absolutely attainable

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