How do you deal with difficult children on play dates?

[Gymmum82]

I know the ideal answer is never to have them round again. However dd is 6 and these are her 2 best friends and despite encouraging her to have other friends over she always asks for these children.

The problem is I just find them rude and difficult, not like the other children I’ve had over, which over the number of years I’ve been a parent is a lot.
They moan and complain about everything. Food/snacks/toys you name it.

Im always pretty relaxed about meals. Usually do kid friendly food, not bothered if they eat it. But last time they came dd wanted nuggets and chips their response was ‘but we had that last time’ so I said ok what do you want then? They didn’t know and finally agreed nuggets was ok. But when it was ready they didn’t even have a bite. Then asked for biscuits which I gave them and they promptly threw it straight in the bin.
I know I shouldn’t but I really dislike these kids and I don’t want them over. But dd begs almost daily for them to come.

What would you do in this scenario?

When the moaning starts just say "oh well, if you're not having fun, I'll just phone your DM to collect you early/drop you off now."
And do it.
Tell DD that her friends don't seem to be happy at her house, let's leave the play dates for a while.

I would have them one at a time, not both together, if possible.

Nonsense. At six my kids knew that food was not to be wasted so when asked if you want something you don't like you say "No thank you". And when given something you specifically ask for, you eat until you're full and then say thank you. Six year olds are often rude. I am a "takes a village" kind of parent and would have no qualms letting children in my home know when they are being rude and helping them find a better way to handle something.

I would also suggest not to ever do playdates in threes. It is a recipe for disaster. Depending on the friendship dynamics the two visiting children can take great delight in belittling EVERYTHING about the hosting child. Bet if they came one at a time they'd be a hell of a lot nicer.

Totally this!

Playdates that you don’t host. Park, playground, clubs.

@honeylulu Why are you in bed during a play date?

I am in exactly this position OP and the pp who said that 6 year olds aren't being rude is just dead wrong. My DD's friend is just awful. My take is - this is DD's friend so she is welcome but I don't invite her to stay for tea and I do set time limits on the play (chaos). I try and be polite and fair but I am not warm to this child (whereas other of DD's friends I truly love). I am relieved when she goes home.

Only do one child at a time. Makes the balance much better

I’d be quite blunt about any rude comments. “You might not realise this Sophie, but it’s a bit rude to say your house is better”. Someone needs to teach them!!

Also agree about avoiding 3s. There is often some sort of manoeuvring for position going on, it won’t bring out the best in any of them.

Last child we had here also age 6 - never again. Insulted DDs older sister and she called me a name because I objected to something she wanted to do. Also the concept of sitting on her backside at the table to eat was totally alien and would not do as she was asked. She's a kid from a respectable or 'good' family but clearly has no boundaries at home !

Just toughen up, your DD shouldn't be 'demanding' who comes round. Suggest other things to do after school - library, park, swimming, Brownies whatever.

I wonder if they are telling her they want to come and she's too influenced by them to say no. The fact is that if you limit their visits then the friendship won't be as strong and the kids will find someone else to hang out with.

My DC were given 1 playnight a week, and that way didn't get the "can X come home to play" night after night.

I offered a simple snack and made sure they never stayed past 5pm.

I certainly wouldn't have stood for backchat from "sassy" aka PITA kids.

I do remember hearing, Well in my house we do ... I used to answer, Well this isn't your house.
I have also told kids not to be rude on occasion. They either never came back, or liked my house and came back each time they were invited.
My kids were invited often to friends and I did get told a few times, they liked taking them out with them or having them sleep over because they behaved and didn't ask for stupid stuff and complain.

Why are you inviting them? Their poor behaviour is very likely to influence your child in time. I would stop inviting them altogether and tell your dd why - they are rude and insufferable.
Continue to invite the others.
At best I would host picnics outside at the park, woods but at six you have far more power than you think.

Why are you in bed during a play date? Oops sorry should have explained that related to a sleepover. Daughter's friend gets up very early and kept barging in from 5.30am onwards telling us to get up because she was bored and daughter was still asleep! It was made very clear she wouldn't be invited back if she did that again!