Anyone else really not confident in trusting their judgement with kids

[Sallywallywoowoo]

So I don't know if this is unusual or not but whenever my kids are ill I just don't know what to do. I can't seem to judge how much to worry. I've had occasions where I know the doctor thinks I'm a "neurotic mother" and does a bit of an eye roll but also at least one occasion where I was asked by 4 different people in the hospital why I hadn't brought DC in earlier, implying I was slightly neglectful I think (I was following advice from 111 on that occasion btw). So how do others know? It really stresses me out that I'm not better at it. I really don't want to be a massive panicky time waster but obviously I don't want to ignore something that could be serious. I do think I maybe do have a tendency to over-react now after the hospital experience...

TBH I don't think it's very helpful when doctors react like that. I think we've all had or heard of an experience where hospital staff say "Why didn't you come earlier?!" whether for self or children.

So I have sometimes had the doctor say you don't need to come in just for this - I say OK, could you please tell me what signs to look out for/when to come in? Because I never really know. (However last time he then examined DC a bit more and said "No, you were right to come in, he has bronchiolitis")

It's like medical staff forget that parents aren't medically trained and we don't necessarily know what the markers are or the line.

There is a useful app which I use now called Baby Check. https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/baby-check-app/

Thank you. That's very kind. My kids are actually primary age now but I still have the same sort of worries. I'm sure this wil be super helpful for someone else though.

I know they say "trust your gut" and "a mother knows" but it doesn't seem to apply to me 😕

It still works I think. It's just stuff like temperature, appetite etc.

In our children's emergency department every doctor has always told me that when in doubt it's better go and see them. They would rather you err on the side of caution. It's the job of the triage nurse to assess if your child's case is a medical emergency or not.

For me, experience and reading has helped me make these decisions more confidently. I kind of know now what is normal for my kids and what are symptoms that signal an emergency. If I don't know but the child seems seriously unwell then I go to the hospital (as they always seem to fall ill or have an accident out of hours..)

I never really know either but this is how I handle it:

1. Ask my mum (lol)
2. Ask a pharmacist. 9 times out of 10 their advice is speak to a dr, but sometimes they say ahh yes this is what you need.
3. Ring my GP or 111, but frame it like 'I think something is up but I'm not sure and I'd appreciate a sense-check on my plan of action, or some advice on what to do next' rather than demanding someone see my child asap as there is clearly something wrong
4. Go to A&E - but I have never been to A&E with my son unless 111 told me to.

I find it really hard as my son will throw a temperature or get a rash as soon as you look at him, but most of the time when I get him checked out I'm told it's just viral and there's nothing to be done. But how am I supposed to know that unless we get him checked? And sometimes, it's not viral and he needs antibiotics, but the symptoms have been the same. Cool cool cool.

My mantra is: Never feel bad about asking a medically trained person for advice, but don't be an arse demanding treatment.

Yeah see I can't do (1) because I lost my mum at a young age. Actually I think not having her lead to follow is partly where my lack of of confidence comes from.
And 111 I just don't trust. The 1 time I got judged for not taking DC to A and E was because I was going on the advice of a Dr who'd called me back from 111.
You can't get a GP appointment at my surgery. The pharmacist is a good call though. I hadn't really thought about asking them for advice.
Ugh. I hate having to the responsibility without the knowledge

I don't normally ask my mum. I get on with her but it's not something I'd really thought to do!

Maybe doing a children's first aid course would be helpful? The red cross often offer them for a low cost or look at a local college.

I think GPs can be really unhelpful sometimes with this. I am not an anxious Mum generally, but when DS1 was little he got a rash all over, out of nowhere. I took him to the GP, we had just moved house the day before so needed to register etc. making it extra stressful. It turned out to be a simple viral rash, but the GP was lovely and told me although it was nothing, to always bring him in if I was concerned. I know they are busy, but it really should be better safe than sorry.