How did you start feeling 'yourself' again after baby?

[Lavender14]

Hi all, so DS is now 7 months and is generally now an easy baby after many months of colic and tongue tie issues apart from that he doesn't like me leaving the room he's in. Sleep is hit and miss but I think he is pretty average for his age on that front.

I'm not sure how best to explain it but I just feel like I'm not quite 'myself' yet though. I spend a lot of time feeling a bit foggy like I've got lots in my head and it makes it hard to remember things/ make decisions/ make plans in the moment etc and just general executive functioning like I would have before. I don't feel down or depressed as such although I do get really frustrated with trying to keep on top of everything and it does cause tension with dh because while he does his share i don't think he really 'gets' the intensity i have during the day. I think I just feel a bit frumpy since my boobs have grown enough to put me up at least one dress size so nothing fits well, and im exhausted and I'm struggling to find any space in the week to do things for myself on any sort of regular basis. Even finding it within myself to drink enough and take my medication as I'm supposed to is proving difficult because I struggle to remember. Ds absolutely refuses anyone else at bedtime and bedtime can take hours before he's in a deep enough sleep that I can successfully leave the room and we've tried dh giving bottles of expressed milk (ds is ebf) and he'll take the bottle and then scream for me. By the time he goes to bed I literally have time to do a bit of cleaning and then a pumping session to then crawl into bed myself, rinse and repeat. Sometimes I can't get out of the room without him waking so I don't even get to do those things.

So I'm wondering (and please don't laugh at me if you're all thinking the answer is NEVER lavender don't be so ridiculous!) When and how did you manage to carve some self care into your routine and what did that look like for you?

Dh has his outlets twice a week and I'm happy for him- he has a stressful job and they're at times ds is in bed anyway so not taking away from much, especially since he can't resettle ds if he wakes. My family do all my sisters childcare and aren't local so can't help and in laws are still working and can't babysit very often so Id thought of things i can just do in the house. But when I try to get time for an everything shower or a bath once a week or a 30 min yoga session (this would have been my self care ritual before having a baby) it doesn't usually happen and then I end up feeling worse than before because i let myself get excited about having a break. I'm hoping it's the adjustment to solids and weaning/teething that's just very time consuming, but I'm just starting to feel like I don't really recognise myself. I'm aware I'll be heading back to work in a few months and I work in a really emotionally intense field so self care is important so I'm hoping to try and establish something well in advance so I can find what is realistic and will actually work. Any tips and tricks that have worked for you would be appreciated!

I can completely relate to your post. Mine is 6 months and you're not alone in feeling like you're still in the fog; I think it's pretty normal.

I can't give much advice but for me, I need just a tiny bit of time in the day to either read, go to the local shop for a walk (!) or do a quick gym class. The difference after is just huge. That's the only time I feel I'm me again. I ask my husband to grant me this when he has the time and make sure he keeps to it, regardless of how baby is being. He can pick up the slack for that much needed break. I hope you can find a way too. X

Quick comment only as about to go to sleep! I have a 7 months dc. I can relate 200% to how you’re feeling. Your first few paragraphs are me word for word.

I find even a ten minute walk round the block once Dc is in bed can work wonders for me. I know you may not feel like it. But it’s summer and light. Pop your flip flops on and just do it.

Brain fog could be hormonal but since you say you often don't even remember to do basic things like drink water or take medication, this makes me wonder if you are lacking some micronutrients or could be anemic. Breastfeeding takes your nutrients so getting sufficient nourishment is essential. Also, extended sleep deprivation is not good for your brain (or body). Even if your baby won't settle for your dh, I think you need to "let" him take over the baby on a schedule so you can start getting some rest. If bedtime takes hours anyway, even when you do it, then there's no reason the baby can't spend the first hour with your husband. Also, possibly a doctor visit and some bloodwork. I think your husband needs to step up more. He may be doing "plenty" but if you are not able to do essential things like drinking enough water, whatever the reason, then he needs to give you more help so you can figure out the problem and fix it.

About 6 weeks after DC1 was born, I ran up the stairs again and thought, yes, I am getting back to being me :)

You return to your former self incrementally, but I think it's once they hit age 3 that you really start feeling yourself again!

I have a (just turned) 4 year old and (almost) 2 year old and I'm definitely not back to 'myself' yet. But I'm still a million miles away from the person I was even last year.

So I guess that I have become more of 'myself' through time and without realising.

I have two children 18 months part oldest one now 6, i have always found time to put some makeup on each day it only takes ten minutes to do a full face of makeup. I dont always do my hair nicely but il smooth it out each morning, wear alot of sports clothes black leggings with a nice jumper or sports top. This makes me feel so much better i would never have gone our looking scruffy or not presentable. I also get up early each morning to exercise and get all my jobs done in the house, key is to be organised and find time to make yourself look presentable if it will make you feel better for the day.

Definitely a slow process but the biggest step change for me was getting back to work and being me again instead of just mummy. Working brings a whole other set of problems, but for me it's worth it to have something that's just mine.

Sleep is magic, it's come and gone over the years with our two, but when they're sleeping well I'm so much less foggy and also just a more pleasant person to be around.

I remember finding that age really full on - you're still breastfeeding just as much but trying to fit the solids into the day as well, just seemed non stop. That does ease as they eat more and drop the milk feeds.

If you don't have one I'd recommend something of a routine, this is also the age mine started willingly going into their cots upstairs for a nap which freed me up a bit too.

it's bloody tough. You'll get there.

I didn’t start feeling myself again until my youngest was 4 but it happens slowly over the years, bit by bit.

18 months the first time, then I got pregnant again. youngest is 16 months now and still waiting. Still not getting much sleep

@Lavender14 how are you getting on now?
I have an 8 month old ebf baby girl and I could have written your post word for word. I’m feeding to sleep as I type this and will be up here for ages until I can get her down . I rarely get downstairs for time with my husband anymore. Did it get easier? I’m planning to bf unti she’s 1 then wean her off before I go back to work x

Hi gingham, ds is now 2 and honestly it's so completely different now. I definitely understand more fully the saying that the days are long but the years are short. I found that period to be so so intense while I was in the thick of it but now ds is sleeping in his own room and sometimes doesn't even want a cuddle before he goes to sleep and I actually miss that clingy wee stage. It definitely gets easier and while I found returning to work hard (I felt rusty and it was hard having people expect you to just pick straight up where you left off) it was actually really good for me because while it was hard being away from him it also gave me something that was mine where i can be more than just 'mummy'. I'm actually still nursing but now ds has turned 2 we've started to wean. It actually was really easy to juggle with work as ds wouldn't take a bottle at nursery so I gave up pumping and just fed him when I got home. Moving him into his own room at about 9 months did seem to help him sleep easier as well. We gradually had to build it up where my husband at the time would have gone in initially and if ds didn't settle after 5 minutes I'd go in and he did accept that after a while and we just did it really gradually so no leaving him to cry for extended periods. My boobs have shrunk a bit (thank goodness!) But I'm still figuring out post baby fashion lol! But I do feel more myself, I think I just have a much deeper understanding and appreciation for how powerful hormones are and the impact lack of sleep has! I also invested in some really good well woman vitamins and a good probiotic and I do feel like that made a difference to me.

My advice is just go with it as best you can - have no expectations of yourself so that anything you achieve is a bonus. On the nights it was hard I tried to remind myself that ds was finding it hard too and needed me to support him which framed it a bit better in my mind. The sleep does get better with time and that really helps - your body is still in a major transition and hormones will be all over the place so cut yourself slack. When I wrote that post I was feeling like in was just surviving but since then my marriage ended and I've been doing everything solo and honestly there would have been a point when I would have felt like I'd never manage- but here I am and I'm doing really well with it! It really does just take time. You're doing amazing! A good set of blue tooth headphones are a good sanity saver so you can listen to music/ watch a box set on your phone while she's beside you.