Talk

Flip

Join the discussion and meet other Mumsnetters on our free online chat forum.

Chat

Overcome shyness when speaking to men

6 replies

mamawheredidyougo · 03/07/2023 20:16

How do I overcome this- as I'm nearing 30 and it's becoming ridiculous. I get shy/coy or defensive every single time when I interact with a male- particularly a good looking one. There's a (good looking man) who I always see on my commute to work and every time he looks my way, I just shy away or divert my eyes. I know he notices this but I just keep my head down. Today, something happened on the commute to work and I noticed he was in front of me, and I just asked him "Oh what happened?". Then when he turned to talk to me. I just coyed away, put my eyes down and quickly made a swift exit. FFS this is just getting ridiculous.

I think this all stemmed from was due to the fact that I went to an all girls secondary school, so most of my interactions were with females. The only time I closely interacted with males were during primary and college- and during those times, I found boys/young men horrible and suffered horrendous bullying from them. I then met my ex partner and he became abusive- so my early past experiences of men clouded my judgement when it came to them.

I booked my first every personal trainer-with a man- and when I first initially met him. I became shy (again!).

I then see a driving instructor and when I always see him, I just become shy and on edge.

What could I do as I really need help with this. I want to appear confident. I need a backbone in the bum. But I need some help!

OP posts:

Thanks

Report

Globules · 03/07/2023 20:22

It's a case of faking it until you make it.

I went to an all girls secondary too, and can identify. Married first boyfriend, now XH, aged 22. Took me until I was about 35 to shake off the shyness and become confident in my own skin around men.

Keep on exposing yourself to these different interactions with men. Keep faking being ok with it. The more you do, the more it will feel natural.

Good luck.

Thanks

Report

Lilly0909 · 03/07/2023 21:05

Sounds like you have had, on average, bad interactions with men your whole life - understandable why you feel this way! Do you have men in your family, how are you with them?
It would be good for you to delve into WHY you feel this way first. Then read some psychology books on the differences between men and women. One is 'men are from mars women are from Venus.' Men are very simple creatures once you understand them, which makes them a lot less threatening. I love trying out different psychological hacks on men it's hilarious. One of them is the 'hero instinct,' works every time. Generally, men just want sex, and you could honestly be as shy and weird as you want and they'd still chat to you as long as you're nice so I wouldn't worry too much in that sense.
If a man is talking to you in a professional environment (such as your PT) then it's normal to be shy with any new people.

Thanks

Report

Lilly0909 · 03/07/2023 21:11

If you want to feel confident, dress confident. Be sexy, get your boobs out, do your hair, wear a nice dress. I know it's crazy and it might not work for all but this is so empowering. The way you dress reflects how you feel that day! As ladies we often have the power when a man approaches us, so there's no reason to be nervous. With the guy on the tube, smile at him. Maybe slip him your number on a bit of paper just before you get off the train. If you're with your PT, he'll understand you're shy and won't judge you. Honestly, nobody actually cares what anybody else is doing they're just worried about themselves. If someone embarrassed themselves really badly in public and you witnessed it as a passerby, would you remember it in 2 weeks? No. Once you apply this to life you'll care a lot less xxx
'Men are just morsels' - Jennifer's Body

Thanks

Report

mamawheredidyougo · 03/07/2023 21:26

With the guy on the tube, smile at him. Maybe slip him your number on a bit of paper just before you get off the train. !!!! I can't do that! I just want to be able to be confident and say hello to him in the mornings. I always appear to be standoffish when I see him ( but that's because I'm shy and can't hide my feelings very well).

OP posts:

Thanks

Report

OceanicBoundlessness · 03/07/2023 21:27

Do you like outdoorsy things? Join a hiking group or something where there is a good mixed name to female group to just hang out. Then you can see how everyone acts in a very neutral environment where the focus is on getting through a challenge and teamwork and not on looks or hooking up.

Thanks

Report

JodyMitchell · 03/07/2023 21:42

Generally, men just want sex, and you could honestly be as shy and weird as you want and they'd still chat to you as long as you're nice so I wouldn't worry too much in that sense

@Lilly0909

I completely disagree. This is not my experience at all. I have found the opposite. It’s a cliche that all men just want sex. In almost all interactions with men they seem to want to be just friends and I feel uncomfortable because I am the one interested in sex!