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Original poster

When do the tantrums get better?

33 replies

Stringervest · 02/07/2023 18:34

DS is 3.5. He is gorgeous and so much fun but he experiences all emotions very strongly. He swings from the highest highs to the lowest lows in the space of minutes and some tantrums are truly spectacular.

Friends and family who know him would all, I think, say that he is to the more extreme end of toddler behaviour. We have a 6 year old DD who is and always has been a dream by comparison.

He is loving and can be very funny; a born entertainer. He is a dream for the childminder and so mostly only tantrums with us and very close family, presumably because it's his safe space. No indicators for autism and I don't suspect any other SEN.

I think this is normal toddler behaviour, but it is exhausting. Our day out today has been ruined by repeated high energy strops over the most benign things.

I'm wondering if this is just his personality or whether it's just because he's 3. Did your child have mega tantrums and become much easier to live with? And if so when did it happen?

OP posts:
StillMedusa · 02/07/2023 22:31

I had four children (still have but adults now Grin)
No 2 was my mega tantrummer... boy could he kick off. And he was super active, on the go constantly, very creative (as sadly his bedroom walls testified.. a compulsive doodler). He didn't really settle down until he was in school.. so rising 5.
He was then a very easy child until the hormones hit and at about 12... he reverted to the tantrumming toddler, only a lot bigger! I won't lie.. age 12-16 was NOT fun! Then gradually he improved again and became a lovely , chilled, creative funny man!
Still bloody doodles on everything mind....!

KylieKangaroo · 02/07/2023 22:34

My eldest was about 5 when she grew out of them. They were bad, very bad. I have the memories etched in my brain. There were lots of tears from her and me a lot of the time!

YukoandHiro · 02/07/2023 22:35

My almost 6 year old still has the odd quite severe tantrum. But she was at her worst at 3.5, to be sure.

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Original poster
Stringervest · 03/07/2023 06:27

@StillMedusa oh wow! So there is more of this to come!! I'm glad he grew out of it eventually. I was hoping this would be the last of it for DS (people say that tantrumming toddlers make easy teenagers).

To those who still have young children who grew or are growing out of it.... what are the rut temperaments like now?

OP posts:
PhotoExplosion · 03/07/2023 07:47

DD was about 4 when she had her last major tantrum in public. She's starting puberty now and we get the odd storming off, shouting and door slam but always a sheepish apology about 10 minutes later.

Original poster
Stringervest · 03/07/2023 08:49

Ok @PhotoExplosion that is a bit reassuring and hopefully it doesn't get any worse for you.

DS has been vile to us this morning so far. I am gritting my teeth as it seems we are going through a particularly bad patch.

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Glitterstars · 03/07/2023 08:51

Everyone talks about the terrible 2’s but in experience age 3 is the most challenging. They know what they want which is why the tantrums are worse and they are finding their way in the world. My little girl is nearly 4 and I feel we are nearing the end of this testing period so it will get better I’m sure x

Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 03/07/2023 08:53

Our oldest, a boy, was like this. Up and down like a yoyo. Awful, awful tantrums.

They did lessen in frequency by the time he turned 4, but didn't stop completely until 6.

He is really sensible and empathetic now (8) and cringes whenever we've mentioned his tantrums!

Original poster
Stringervest · 03/07/2023 13:25

Thank you, this is extremely reassuring. DS is the spitting image of his dad who is one of the most relaxed, kind and even tempered people I have ever met so I'm hopeful that DS takes after him in time!

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SeaToSki · 03/07/2023 13:29

How is his sleep, my dc always tantrummed more when over tired or hungry. I found that making bed time earlier and putting out carrot sticks and cheese cubes as I made dinner or lunch helped a lot

Original poster
Stringervest · 03/07/2023 15:32

Thanks - his sleep is pretty fine I think. He sleeps around 11.5 hours at night without wake ups and has a short nap on weekdays too. But I know what you mean, his mood is definitely worse after a bad night.

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BertieBotts · 03/07/2023 15:42

My eldest was terrible from about 3-5 years. It did get better at 6 and MUCH better at 7. We are abroad and him starting school at nearly 7 was like a switch had been flipped. I don't know if that would have come earlier in England with the younger school age.

He is 14 now and really chilled! Nothing phases him at all.

My middle one is going through the same difficult stage now. Nearly 5 and unfortunately no signs of letting up :(

Original poster
Stringervest · 03/07/2023 18:14

@BertieBotts this is the kind of advice I'm hoping also applies to me! DS starts the nursery at his school in September and will do a full school day in uniform (although mainly learning through play). I am hopeful but not optimistic.

I hope your five year old's tantrums improve soon!

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skgnome · 03/07/2023 18:23

for my DD it was about 3.5 when she started to get better
She started throwing epic tantrums at 1.5 and it was 2 very hard years!
as yours she was the model girl at nursery, but with us as close family it all went down
she didn’t talked until after her 3rd birthday - so not sure how much being able to properly communicate helped in or case
she’s 12, and so far pretty chill, I mean she’s a teen, so does challenge and had her dramatic moments, but pretty good as far as pre teen kids go

MeinKraft · 03/07/2023 18:29

I have a theory that it depends what age they start. Mine both started tantrumming before they turned one and the peak was probably 2.5, my first waned after that and I hope my second does too. But I know some people who had really easy going 2 year olds who got a shock when they turned 3-5 and started the tantrums.

WhoHidTheCoffee · 03/07/2023 18:47

Are you me?! Could have written this about my 3.5 year old! He is always a pain in the neck on Fridays when I’ve been at work for a few days and haven’t seen him much. Super defiant, lots of “no” and eyeballing for a reaction, etc.

I think - hope - pray - it is a stage….

ForTheSakeOfThePenguin · 03/07/2023 18:57

I have a very spirited child who has ADHD. He has only had two tantrums. He got nothing out of them apart of loss of privileges and some time in the naughty step. No tantrums, screaming or anything like in almost 20 years.

I’m not lucky, the poor guy was blessed with a mother that ran the house with military precision (thanks to the ADHD I must add), and honestly, it was already stressful enough without having to put up with any tantrums.

At 3, I assume he is already speaking, ask him to use his nice voice when he wants something, acknowledge, explain why you are saying no, and that’s the end of the conversation. No negotiation.

Belltentdreamer · 03/07/2023 19:07

ForTheSakeOfThePenguin · 03/07/2023 18:57

I have a very spirited child who has ADHD. He has only had two tantrums. He got nothing out of them apart of loss of privileges and some time in the naughty step. No tantrums, screaming or anything like in almost 20 years.

I’m not lucky, the poor guy was blessed with a mother that ran the house with military precision (thanks to the ADHD I must add), and honestly, it was already stressful enough without having to put up with any tantrums.

At 3, I assume he is already speaking, ask him to use his nice voice when he wants something, acknowledge, explain why you are saying no, and that’s the end of the conversation. No negotiation.

Your child did not only have two tantrums ever because of how brilliantly you handled them compared to everyone else 🙄 it’s a lot to do with temperament

Original poster
Stringervest · 03/07/2023 20:19

Thanks for the advice @ForTheSakeOfThePenguin Wink

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Original poster
Stringervest · 03/07/2023 20:22

@MeinKraft DS started at around 2, I would say, so perhaps we are nearly out of it. I hope hope hope this is true.

There is a boy who walks so nicely on the school run with his grandma on the days I go to pick up DD. I can't even imagine trying to take DS on this trip. It would take hours and probably end with one of us getting run over.

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VivaVivaa · 03/07/2023 20:43

I think my DS would get on very well with your DS @Stringervest 😂 he was a highly strung baby, chilled out a bit between 1 and the end of 2 and I thought we had served our time…then 3 hit 😬 bigggggg emotions. Doesn’t have screaming tantrums per se but will drop to the floor and howl humongous tears over the most minor of things. If he wakes up whining you can guarantee he’ll still be whining at bedtime. If he wakes up laughing he’s the funniest, brightest company you could ask for. My MIL adores him but regularly says we need to enrol him in drama classes ASAP as he clearly has a talent. Not much help but solidarity!

Original poster
Stringervest · 03/07/2023 20:46

@VivaVivaa this has made DH and me laugh because it describes DS so accurately! I'm glad it's not us. And there is not one thing I would change about him... apart from the tantrums!

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reallyworriedjobhunter · 03/07/2023 20:55

Well DH is 49 and still gets in a right frump about certain things not going his way.

KylieKangaroo · 03/07/2023 21:31

If I tried to put my eldest on the naughty step she used to run away..no amount of tries would have worked. Definitely down to temperament I think.

My youngest just throws things and then she's over it in a few minutes, I can deal with that!

Melrose86 · 03/07/2023 21:36

I reply worried about my ds as his tantrums were so extreme. I saw a huge difference once he started nursery age 3 and 3 months. Now he is 4 and is usually always really well behaved when we are out. He still has some meltdowns at home but nowhere near as bad. I am however going through the tantrum stage again with my 20 month old who amazingly can scream even louder and for even longer than his brother which I never thought would be possible x