I can’t make this not sound like a threat…can I?

[Theomummy2]

I’m in a pickle.

Im due to go back to work in a few months and put in a statutory flexible work request a few months into my maternity leave. Comments made by my immediate line manager have indicated they will try and negotiate, not just say yes.

My issue is, he doesn’t seem to understand how important the request is, they need me back (before people start with the typical ‘maybe they don’t want you to come back’ line) it took 11 months to recruit me, they haven’t managed to fill my role properly during my maternity cover as I’m in a specialised position and recruitment is hard. I can walk into another well paid job tomorrow, they can’t find another me tomorrow IYSWIM.

He has made comments around letting me know the answer just before I’m due back, which I pushed back on as they have 3 months to answer, and I need time to adjust childcare if they refuse.

I have a good relationship with him, and I half want to just speak to him and say something like ‘this working pattern is really important for me, if it’s a no I’ll come back but I won’t be the Theosmummy2 that left, I’ll do my job but won’t be going above and beyond, and in a years time when I’ve paid back my enhanced maternity I will leave’

As I honestly think if he knew it would impact how I felt at work he would be more inclined to approve it. As financially it’s not worth it for the business to go through the recruitment process again, plus they will be losing money whilst the role is vacant (like they did in the 11 months before I was hired)

But I don’t think I can say it without it sounding like a threat.

Any ideas on how I could tackle this tactfully? The lack of sleep atm is muddling my brain.

I love my job but I know if they refuse the request or try to negotiate I will get jaded pretty damn fast.

this working pattern is really important for me, if it’s a no I’ll come back but I won’t be the Theosmummy2 that left, I’ll do my job but won’t be going above and beyond, and in a years time when I’ve paid back my enhanced maternity I will leave’

Yeah you can't actually say this.
You could definitely do it though if they refuse.
No option really but to wait and see what they say. Surely if they need you they will make the effort.

I'd be straight about the walking out or else with a boss I get along with, and my bosses would be 1st to say "You should take the best opportunity don't worry about us", but you have to know they could call your bluff.

You know that old advice, the best way to talk someone into something is to make them think it's their own idea. Or at least it's to their advantage! For instance.

Him: About your flexible working request ,what exactly does that mean ...
You: it means I can work to a better standard than ever, especially because I have flexibility and know my employer values my role so much.
Him: Can you still get everything done in time to keep customers happy?
You: Yup. And I'll be happy, too. Then you'll avoid any headache of replacing me, too.
Him: Good point. Are you saying you won't work so hard if hours aren't flexible?
You: I'm saying that you want me happy so I can do as great a job as ever. So you want me to have flexible hours so I can be sure to get the work done to the best standard. This work pattern really works out to everyone's advantage.
Him: Ah well that could be. What about ...xxxx
You: Ah well, you know that the way to deal with that is... yyyy
Him: and what about... zzzz
You: Do you remember how we dealt with that before for X? You agreed the solution was ...aaaa
Him: I;m afraid HR might say... bbbb
You: Remind them that ....cccc. So you can easily reassure them you're managing your team in an agile manner.

Maybe “this working pattern is really important for me - I’m looking to establish myself long term in a role where I am able to balance my work and home life. I will be better placed to focus on delivery at work if I am not worrying about childcare commitments, and I hope that we can make that work here, as I would like to be able to stay with this organisation”

Yeah I know, was just hoping desperately someone with more brain energy than I have atm could suggest wording that might get the point across but without sounding like an out and out threat

It’s hard as my manager is very bad at the more emotional side of being a manager, so I know he won’t have any idea that refusing this request would piss me off and therefore mean I’m unhappy at work. The way he has spoken about it up till now is almost like it’s akin to a holiday request, a ‘I’d like this if it’s ok’ type of thing.

He is relatively new to the UK so hasn’t gone through this process before and HR don’t seem to be supporting much either which has surprised me as they were really hot on it during my pregnancy.

Im on a retention program at work, so it would be stupid for them to reject it, as they literally have me on a list of people who they can’t afford to lose, but I don’t think he quite understands that saying no will make me want to leave (if that makes sense)

Could you not just ask, and look for another job if he says no?

If you’re leaving, why would you care about the firm losing money etc?

Look after yourself, in the same way you expect the company will.

Oh I’m not worried about them losing money, am merely saying it would be extra stupid for them to refuse.

I couldn’t look for a new job for a while so would have to stick it out until my enhanced maternity leave was paid back, but after that I’d go.

Issue is I like my job, I don’t want to start hating it, I love the team, I love the projects I work on etc. but I will start hating all of it if they say no. Or try to negotiate since I’m really not asking for the world.

Thank you so much!

this is really helpful, knew posting here would help!

Genius!

Thank you, my sleep deprived brain is just not up for thinking logically anymore it seems

I'd phrase it as working your current hours with a baby is unsustainable and your productivity will suffer. If something has to give, it can't exactly be the baby so it will be the quality of your work that takes the hit.

And yes! Make it sound like their idea. I often fo this to my boss. He never really listens and so if I want to do something to the store that he likely won't let me, I just start off with 'you were right.'

Works every time. 'You know, you were actually right. That range doesn't look right there. X range is better selling, I'm going to move that to the front and put this one with the other value stuff at the back'

'You were right Y doesn't sell much, let's scrap it and have Z range instead."

You can see his brain furiously scrolling back through conversations trying to recall having said it, all the while nodding in vacant agreement. 😆

Definitely something along the lines of this working pattern is important to me. I'm concerned that this role here won't be a long term option if I don't get it. And I won't have the same capacity for overtime under your proposal.