Overwhelmed and exhausted

[Overwhelmedandexhausted]

Name changed but regular poster.

As above! Looking for hand hold and advice please. I'm exhausted and overwhelmed. This may be long sorry!

Im a full time carer to school age severely disabled DC (I won't state disability as not relevant but has full time 1-1 and currently applying for EHCP to give an idea) I also have other children (large family) and a wonderful DH.

So yeah I'm exhausted. Feel like my brain is broken and I'm running on empty. I feel like I need building up but I don't know how.

It's anxiety aswell, the sheer panic over everything. It's like the cogs in my brain aren't turning round properly

Even simple things like deciding what to wear each day and what to make for dinner are taking all of my energy.

DH is wonderful but has an incredibly stressful albeit well paid job, working approx 70 hours a week.

GP wants me to try anti depressants but I really don't want to, I want to get better without meds. Also it would all be on the phone so j can't even see the GP the system is so broken. Also, I'm not depressed. Also the pills would be 4-6 weeks they said of side effects eg nausea upset stomach, can't drive for a few days, shouldn't drink on them. Tbh the side effects sounds worse than how I feel now
.

I've tried things like going away for a night but it's worse as I have to come back to real life with a bump. Plus it's a massive ask for DH.

I'm trying to eat better, sleep better etc but I can barely eat as feel so sick, last ate 6pm last night. I'm waking up in the night panicking about how much there is to do.

The irony is I'd quite like a job, I'd like the confidence it would give me, the people to meet. But I absolutely cannot even think of it as there's just so much other stuff to deal with. Plus we would lose benefits so id probably be better off staying as I am.

I'm actually still in bed DH has ordered me to rest but I can't, I'm laying here panicking about how much there is to do today to get ready for the week and the clocks ticking. I'm trying to plan the week's meals on the shopping app but my brain literally wont work. I cook 3 different meals usually a night to account for dietary requirements and it's bloody exhausting. Debating throwing money at the problem and getting hello fresh id still have to cook seperate for the DC but at least DH and I could have hello fresh and that's one thing I don't need to think of.
I had to throw out a £5 pack of chicken last night as I got muddled and put the wrong pack in the freezer and left the wrong one in the fridge and it went out of date. Another failure.

God this sounds such a whinge reading this back but I'm so so lost.

All advice appreciated.

Also, I'm waking up crying wtf is that all about. So sick of crying!

I'm truly sorry for your situation, it sounds awful for you at the moment, the good thing is your husband sounds very supportive. I understand your reluctance about taking ADs but maybe you should reconsider? Your GP who knows you, thinks they may help you and whilst the first few weeks taking them sound a bit traumatic surely it won't be any worse than your present situation which isn't improving and getting worse.

Thanks, also I think what the problem is is that this is permanent. Its not a short term stress. The GP said if it was my job making me feel like these she would sign me off, but it's my life so obvs I can't be signed off.

Still In bed, trying to get up but so exhausted 😔

Oh I know exactly what you mean about a scrambled brain & running on empty.
I did it for 10 years before my DW died, primary carer etc and working in a very stressful job I would struggle to get to sleep trying to juggle work problems along with my wife's needs. Often got woken by calls in the middle of the night from work then awake for hours.
I actually fell asleep while cooking one evening and it was only the smoke alarm that saved us!
I understand your reluctance to take AD's as I was offered some but the side effects outweighed the benefits IMO.

In the end it was work that actually helped as we had a EAP line you could ring and after breaking down on the line they organised outside help so I could take a couple of evenings off and enjoy getting out on my bike, just me time.

Try and find out if your DH's company have anything like it. Good luck

I absolutely get the reluctance to use antidepressants.

there are other things you can try, that I'm going to suggest, but do consider if a low dose of ADs for a short period of time to make sense of what is going on for you may not be the absolute worse thing.

so, my first suggestion is have you had a carers assessment from the local authority? Your children with disabilities team should have asked if you wanted one but if you haven't ring them and ask for one. If you had one a while ago ask for it to be reviewed. You need to tell them that this is how you feel.

secondly most areas offer a service that will be called something like well-being coaches - the GP surgery or social care should be able to give you the info. They are individuals who will work with you to identify issues in your life that you want to resolve and support you to achieve that.

you should also be able to access some kind of telephone counselling via the GP.

if money isn't an issue consider complimentary therapies like acupuncture and reflexology. Some people swear by things like CBD oil as something to try before ADs.

Outsource anything that can be outsourced, get a cleaner, send the ironing out, buy pre made meals at least a few times a week, anything that reduces your mental load.

You mention not wanting to take the ADs for a number of reasons including not being able to drink. Alcohol can often make the kind of anxiety /overwhelmed feeling you are describing a lot worse - even if it seems to help at the time. Is this something that could be a factor for how you are feeling too?

Finally, it's good to hear that your DH recognises you need a rest but would it actually be that bad if he did the shopping online this week and made those decisions on this occasion? It sounds like that is the break you need?

Everything you have described sounds like classic depression though, and no amount of hello fresh meals is going to fix that if it is, you need proper help.

Thanks for your long reply @hatgirl and for taking the time. I'm actually feeling a bit better this evening, this is part of the problem I'm up an down like a bloody yo-yo!

Re. Carers assesment. I've been offered in the past but turned it down. They offered us a free gym membership but we already have one paid for by ourselves.

Re alcohol I barely drink tbh but occasionally like once a fortnight enjya couple of glasses of wine and knowing I can't would be hard.

I did the online shop in sections today with all easy meals. Just did half a week and will do other half another day. Also tumble dried all washing to save mental load.

I keep saying I'm going to go for reiki but somehow can never allow myself the time to go as it's a morning or afternoon that I'm not at home doing admin for DC or tidying the state ofour house! And I can't let myself relax.

I'm already under a wellbeing coach and they say to relax more 🤔 and do things like go swimming more (I go once a week) but it's so hard when there's so much that needs to be done in the house and for DC. I know In theory I can't pour from an empty cup but putting it Into practice is hard.

I'm also worried that the GP said if I was to go on ADs and I don't like then I can't just stop I need to be weaned off with her support and she would have to action a lower dose etc but getting an appointment is like a miracle so I don't eant to be stuck on them with no way of getting a GP appyto lower the dose iyswim

Bump, feeling a bit better this week.
Have been being more strict with myself and trying to take better care of myself eg have been eating a proper albeit small breakfast eg Weetabix and fruit rather than my usual crisps at 1030 am.

I've also been super brave and gone swimming once this week and met a friend for a coffee. Hard to "allow" myself the time off but I did it yay!

Also trying to get more strict with sleep and have been trying to sleep by 1130 and using the headspace app rather than flicking about on the iPad until 1am.

All tiny baby steps but steps in the right direction, I think, I hope!

Oh well done OP! Even if it’s just once a week that you do something for yourself like going out for coffee. Any chance you could join a Pilates or yoga class? Both of those are good for the mind as well as the body.

my BIL has ADs and they are amazing, he didn’t have side effects getting on them apart from a dip in mood for a week. But the difference now is brilliant. Anxiety all gone, functions normally.
they are not for everyone but maybe worth a try.
also, how old are you? If you’re menopausal a lot of your symptoms could be due to that. HRT may help?