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Original poster

Has anyone noticed the constant vitriol against child free people on MN?

77 replies

CatfoodOzymandias · 01/07/2023 10:55

I am not child free, by the way. But I have been using MN more than I normally have, and every other post seems to be a subtle ( or not so subtle) way to take a dig at the child free. I occasionally dip into the Child Free Board but don't post there as that is not my place, but there are parents there too, arguing away.

I have many child free friends- they don't give me parenting advice, I don't give them any advice- and I don't really understand why posters here are trying to widen the gulf between different groups of women.

OP posts:
borntobequiet · 26/07/2023 10:14

No.

MrsSkylerWhite · 26/07/2023 10:15

No.

CurlewKate · 26/07/2023 10:16

However-I do wish the distinction between child less and child free was clearer. I have occasionally commented on a thread which I thought was about being child free, only to discover that people on it had heartbreaking stories of loss and disappointment and were unable to have children, rather than not wanting to have children.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
MeinKraft · 26/07/2023 10:25

Not really, there's the odd dick who asks why non parents post on mumsnet. But there's also plenty of child free people who post about how wonderful it is to be child free and have money and holidays. Which is fine, but anyone who dares reply that their child is more important to them than a fat savings account is then called a goady fucker or patronising Confused i don't know why people engage in the conversation if they're going to get upset about people with different views.

Isthisreallyok · 26/07/2023 10:31

I haven’t seen it, and actually in real life I experience far more (overt and covert) vitriol towards single mums, mums with large families, young mums, working class mums…also vitriol from a couple of childfree people in my life towards mums, some quite personal. I’ve been lectured on impact to environment, lots and lots of passive aggressive comments on how my life must be SO difficult and rubbish now I’ve made the decision to have children, how stupid I must be etc. and all this without ever making comments towards them, or questioning or commenting on their choices at all. Each to their own.

Isthisreallyok · 26/07/2023 10:35

Sorry I should have said, I don’t experience vitriol towards those types of parents, but I meant I see vitriol towards them in terms of what I hear others say etc

ShirleyPhallus · 26/07/2023 10:37

MeinKraft · 26/07/2023 10:25

Not really, there's the odd dick who asks why non parents post on mumsnet. But there's also plenty of child free people who post about how wonderful it is to be child free and have money and holidays. Which is fine, but anyone who dares reply that their child is more important to them than a fat savings account is then called a goady fucker or patronising Confused i don't know why people engage in the conversation if they're going to get upset about people with different views.

funny isn’t it, this happens with FF / BF too. Statistically, BF is a better option than FF, but then people get very het up about being “shamed” for their choices when a fact is a fact.

Brefugee · 26/07/2023 10:39

CatfoodOzymandias · 01/07/2023 11:02

Some examples I have seen recently: Are child free women keener on late abortions?
Do child free people make worse politicians?
Do child free people have way more time and what do they do with it ( this one I have paraphrased but it was on those lines)...

We'll be needing links please.

I don't see 'vitriol' and if I did, I'd report it

TheOGCCL · 26/07/2023 10:40

I wouldn’t say there was constant vitriol. There is definitely an odd idea that child free/childless people being on Mumsnet is weird, but imo at least half the threads and probably way more are nothing to do with being a parent. I agree with everything @FufferPish said, it’s a good place to be curious and learn from others on a wide range of topics and not get tunnel vision based on your own life experiences.

peacebet · 26/07/2023 10:43

Only noticed vitriol against the childless people when they go into threads declaring their status and then offer ill thought out advice about the OP's children, or make some comment about how the OP was stupid to have, for example, two or three children. Latter happened on a very recent thread.

Brefugee · 26/07/2023 10:48

BadNomad · 01/07/2023 12:03

Oh they care when it comes to who gets time off at Christmas and in the summer holidays.

Who? Parents? Those without children?

echt · 26/07/2023 10:49

Has anyone noticed the constant vitriol against child free people on MN?

You should have said this was about the Child-free board, which is not MN. It is a bit of MN.

On the other hand, the recent thread about a group of child-free women and the the consequences of one entitled member's, ahem, requirements of the group unleashed an amazing number of posters who plainly saw child-free women as incapable of empathy/free will, etc.etc.et fucking cetera.

VeridicalVagabond · 26/07/2023 10:49

I see a lot of people making posts that seem hellbent on pitting mothers and the childfree against eachother.

We're all women, we have enough bollocks to deal with without trying to start fights amongst ourselves too.

echt · 26/07/2023 10:51

peacebet · 26/07/2023 10:43

Only noticed vitriol against the childless people when they go into threads declaring their status and then offer ill thought out advice about the OP's children, or make some comment about how the OP was stupid to have, for example, two or three children. Latter happened on a very recent thread.

I have never seen thread where a poster has said I am child-free but here goes on your situation. And by the way being child-free does not mean you can't have a valid comment.

Spidey66 · 26/07/2023 10:55

I'm child free and not noticed it. Vitriol about other things yes (I'm still shocked at the vitriol I received for the ultimate sin of sitting in a priority seat on a bus because I'd broken my arm, was in severe pain and couldn't negotiate a bus with one arm.) But, no not for being child free.

MrsAvocet · 26/07/2023 11:05

There's some negativity yes, but I wouldn't call it "constant vitriol". I think you'd find more posts criticising working mothers, or SAHMs, or Mums who breastfeed or Mums who formula feed, and so on and so forth. It's the way online forums are generally, and as this is predominantly if not exclusively a parenting forum that's where the focus lies. I suspect in the real world most people aren't really that bothered about other people's lives but you're always going to get strong views expressed on a forum.

peacebet · 26/07/2023 11:11

have never seen thread where a poster has said I am child-free but here goes on your situation. And by the way being child-free does not mean you can't have a valid comment.

It definitely happens, not often but it does.

On recent thread (I will try to find) where OP wanted advice on managing a budget with three children, a child free poster did just that, and called her stupid for having three children.

HalloumiLuvver · 26/07/2023 11:29

It's a safe space for people who might otherwise be triggered by the incessant postings of a community whose predominant characteristic is their role as parents

Lol at "predominant characteristic" - funnily enough when parents post on a parenting forum it might sometimes be about ... parenting! I'm sure they have other things in their lives that they don't post about!

There's the whole rest of the Internet out there if you don't like it here on, oh what's it called again, yes MUMSnet.

Catspyjamas17 · 26/07/2023 11:30

No, not at all.

renamedbutsame · 26/07/2023 11:31

No. Very few people on mumsnet do not have kids and brag about it in a negative way, so then someone to feel enraged and abuse them verbally. Never ever seen this on a thread

renamedbutsame · 26/07/2023 11:32

I have seen the opposite: women who are pro life being abused.

CurlewKate · 26/07/2023 12:17

@renamedbutsame "I have seen the opposite: women who are pro life being abused."

I think that's a different issue. But for the record, although I hope I would never abuse anyone, I am extremely robust with anyone who tries to impose their own personal beliefs on other people.

ParticlesDisbanded · 26/07/2023 12:22

Yes. I’ve noticed it a lot. There is often the “you don’t know real love until you’re a parent” line trotted out; the assumption that our free time outside of work is somehow worth less (every time talk about leave and parents comes up there’s someone saying it’s selfish for non parents to take leave in school holidays); and the idea that child free people with pets they love are just sad and lonely. It can be very, very unpleasant.

ShirleyPhallus · 26/07/2023 12:23

ParticlesDisbanded · 26/07/2023 12:22

Yes. I’ve noticed it a lot. There is often the “you don’t know real love until you’re a parent” line trotted out; the assumption that our free time outside of work is somehow worth less (every time talk about leave and parents comes up there’s someone saying it’s selfish for non parents to take leave in school holidays); and the idea that child free people with pets they love are just sad and lonely. It can be very, very unpleasant.

I’ve honestly never ever seen or heard anyone say that non-parents are selfish for taking leave during school holidays

LoobyDop · 26/07/2023 12:33

Definitely. There was a particularly charming one on the “And Just Like That” thread that suggested that childfree woman are more likely to lust after underage boys. So actually calling us paedophiles.