Could this youth worker have got in trouble?

[JustWonderingYearsAgo]

Another thread got me thinking about something that happened to me many years ago. I was 17 and on a cross-cultural youth trip to another country - twelve young people aged between 16 and 18, with two youth workers (one male and one female - the woman was in her mid-twenties, the man was probably early thirties).

I was quite vulnerable at the time - a bit of an angsty teenager, and we'd just had a death in our family. I remember that one night we'd all been drinking lots of red wine (legal drinking age in the country we were staying was 16) and I think I got maudlin and upset. The male youth worker brought me outside and we lay on a lounger together. I was cuddled in to him and he had his arms around me. It wasn't sexual at all (for me, anyway) and I did not feel threatened or uncomfortable, or that there was anything sinister going on. In fact, I was grateful - I craved affection and physical contact. I think I felt cared-for.

Anyway, I was thinking that, in today's world, that youth worker could have got himself into a lot of trouble. I remember the female youth worker coming out for a minute or two, and got a disapproving vibe.

Are youth workers 'allowed' to cuddle and have physical contact with the young people they're working with? I'm thinking not, but I'm grateful for the physical comfort I had that evening.

No this is not appropriate and wouldn’t be accepted by any sensible person who managed a youth worker. Drunk, laying down and cuddling…just obviously inappropriate. A quick one armed cuddle of a sober teen crying because of a bereavement, would be quite different but what you describe is easily crossing a line.

Now it would not be okay. In the past it would have been seen as suspect.
I worked as a youth worker many years ago and many teenagers having a difficult time are like you were and craving physical touch. I did use to hug teenagers, although I doubt it would be allowed now.
But your situation was obviously one that could have easily become sexual. The female youth worker was obviously keeping a close eye out on the situation.

No, the only time I touched a young person was whilst doing first aid or after we were witness and first on scene to a RTC where several people died (not our party) in which case anyone who wanted a hug got one and then I was hugged in return by their parents when we returned.

It sounds very iffy, and current safeguarding expectations have been around at least 18 years now because I remember receiving training when I was a participant in a youth group and turned 18.

I agree with @Weal , there's a fine line you do not cross

I thought as much; that it would have been questionable even back then (about 25 years ago) but definitely not acceptable now.

I have to say, if the youth worker had taken it further and became sexual, I probably wouldn't have had the confidence to say no. I think I would have felt like I owed him, because of the attention he'd given me. So it's a good thing the safeguarding rules are in place now, even if it does mean that genuine/well-meaning physical contact is prevented.

@Singleandproud I understand why that is the cae now and has been for a while. But kids do lose out as well. Touch is important

@JustWonderingYearsAgo the fact the female youth worker was keeping an eye shows that she knew it wasn't okay.

I think he was at it. As you said, you craved affection and were grateful. That’s how these guys operate - they find kids who are vulnerable and exploit them. There’s a very big difference between giving someone a brief hug and lying down cuddling them for a longer time.

Thank goodness it went no further and that female worker had her eye on the situation. I wonder if he had form.

No it wouldn't have been OK, even back then.

The age difference is a red herring as it is in many safeguarding cases, as the point is that the youth worker was in a position of responsibility. (I'm about to give safeguarding training to a group of uni students who will be working with us on a UK residential summer school- it's something we very much have to underline, some of our students are also 18+. That's irrelevant because of the responsibility aspect)

Often people think "safeguarding" is the adult and the child. More often tbh, issues arise when the lines aren't that clear. We had to dismiss one employee who was actually exactly the same age as the girl he kissed. That she was happy with it (she came to us to try and help him out) was immaterial.

Hope you are ok.

I agree. Some kids are aching for it who don't get to give or receive hugs at home.

I can remember as a teenager being desperate for touch. No one touched me for a few years. It led to me having sex earlier just for physical touch.

@RedHelenB this was definitely me - I had a very difficult relationship with my parents (they were going through a hard time and us kids very much stayed in the background, we were a bit scared of my dad who was quite moody and volatile). I craved hugs and care and attention. Somebody wrapping their arms around me was balm to my troubled teenage soul

But yes, that absolutely could have been taken advantage of, so I was lucky - possibly due to the vigilance of the female youth worker. Maybe he did have form.