2yo wakes at 4am

[Fouramclub]

And it’s killing me. How do i break this habit?

for context she used to wake at 5:30am which was manageable but since we came back from holiday in 2 months ago, she has been waking up at 4 am.

She goes to bed at any time between 7 to 8 pm however, sometimes it is later like last night it was 8:30 pm. She won’t sleep any earlier. Someone told me to put her to bed later, but it has made no difference over the course of the past few weeks. She just wakes up at 4 am. Usually it is 4:22 on the dot.

She naps for 1.5-2hrs during the day. She manages to stay awake until about 1 pm most days.

her room is dark. There isn’t a noise waking her up. It’s almost like it’s a bad habit she can’t break. The added complication is that in the past two weeks she was getting out of her cot so we have put her in a toddler bed for her own safety. This means that when she wakes up, she comes to the gate by her door and screams her head off.

I have a gro clock have been using it for the past two weeks. I have set it to wake at 5 am to encourage her to be quiet at least until then but it doesn’t seem to be making a difference.

When she cries, either me or DH will take it in turns to go in and sit by her door, trying to encourage her to go to sleep. I am still breastfeeding her, so I will give her a feed to keep her quiet so she doesn’t wake the older DS.

Please help me I don’t know what to do. I’m at breaking point. I am tempted to set the grow clock for 6 am and just let her cry by the gates until then but I don’t know if this is the right thing to do. The lack of sleep is affecting my physical and mental health. I do go to bed earlier but by the time she is asleep, I only have about an hour to sort out the house, let alone finish off any work or do anything I want to do.

[shivawn]

Oh I'm sorry OP, 4am is so early, it's middle of the night territory rather than early morning in my book so I can just imagine how exhausted you are.

Could you try putting her down for her nap earlier in the day so she has more awake time before bed? It looks like she has a very long wake window in the morning if she's up early and awake until 1 but only 4-5 hours of awake time before bed? I'd try and do 6-6.5 hours awake before bed to build up that sleep pressure for the night. Maybe nap at 11:30-13:30 and then bed at 20:00?

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

My advice is cut the nap, the transition will be really hard, you will need calm at home, low activity days at first but it will shift the sleep pattern.

[Dinoswearunderpants]

Consider reducing the nap to a maximum of 1 hour.

My DS is also 2 and goes to be 1900 and usually wakes around 0630. He did wake up earlier (0500) a few times and we simply went into the room and put his music machine back on and said sleep time. He refuse to go in and get him up. He isn't crying and would go back to sleep for a bit longer.

[RandomMess]

She's ready to drop her nap.

Sorry but that day had to come.

[onthefence23]

I agree nap is too long and too late!!

We have to our Dd down at 11 ish and cal at an hour or so she's 22 months

[FlounderingFruitcake]

Cut the nap to 45 minutes. We do this with our 2YO or else he’s up at 5. Practically we can’t drop it altogether because if he doesn’t nap at the normal time he’ll fall asleep on the school run and that messes up bedtime.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Basically if you add up all that sleep in a day your child has maxed out. Remove the nap.

[jojo2202]

i just could not cope with this. My kids no matter what age have always gone up at 9 and didn't wake up until 9 until they started school. sometimes later than that.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

@jojo2202

i just could not cope with this. My kids no matter what age have always gone up at 9 and didn't wake up until 9 until they started school. sometimes later than that.

I could not cope with my 2 year old being up at 9pm, I need an evening and they need rest!

[Doveyouknow]

@jojo2202

i just could not cope with this. My kids no matter what age have always gone up at 9 and didn't wake up until 9 until they started school. sometimes later than that.

But if you're kids are early risers you have to cope! OP, I would shorten the nap and see if that works. One of mine was (and is) an early riser and nothing we did made much difference until he was a bit older when he could entertain himself a bit in the morning. We drank a lot of coffee and shared the early mornings.

[Doveyouknow]

@jojo2202

i just could not cope with this. My kids no matter what age have always gone up at 9 and didn't wake up until 9 until they started school. sometimes later than that.

But if you're kids are early risers you have to cope! OP, I would shorten the nap and see if that works. One of mine was (and is) an early riser and nothing we did made much difference until he was a bit older when he could entertain himself a bit in the morning. We drank a lot of coffee and shared the early mornings.

[Hopelessacademic]

I think it's the nap too!
My DD is 28 months now and only naps a couple of times a week. We limit to an hour max and not after 2pm.

[jojo2202]

i've always had about 3 hours to myself after they are asleep. rather that than be up at 4 am

[Fouramclub]

Thank you all for your replies.

I am going to try and gradually cut the nap to see where it gets us. I don't mind cutting it out altogether as it would be easier not to have a nap but the problem is if we are driving somewhere or she's in the pram around 1pm she just nods off.

she has literally only just turned two. I was hoping I could keep her in the cot for longer so she could at least be contained but it wasn't working.

[RandomMess]

You don't need to gradually cut it down. Just give her 40 mins then wake her up. You may find she doesn't even need that every day.

[Fouramclub]

@jojo2202

i just could not cope with this. My kids no matter what age have always gone up at 9 and didn't wake up until 9 until they started school. sometimes later than that.

Believe me I can't cope with this any longer and have been having some sad thoughts today. I've been crying all morning (it's my day off with both kids) and continuously shouting at them telling them off and I feel terrible about it. We have not gone out and I've plonked them in front of the tv. I'm sick at least once a month, have put on weight, feel dizzy with tiredness and just don't get much joy out of life.

I feel like a bad mum, especially when I broke down in tears in front of both of them and the 2yo and 4yo came and gave me kisses and cuddles. I'm just a shit person when I don't get much sleep and I don't know how it got to this or how to fix it.

DH is wfh and has put the 2yo down for a nap while the 4yo watches TV and I'm trying to go for a nap now too.

i am considering working full time just so I don't have to look after them during the week anymore as work is so much easier but I feel bad about this too.

[RandomMess]

Once you start getting a more decent amount of sleep it will really help.

Ask DH to get her up after 45 minutes.

[comfyshoes2022]

I agree about temporarily starting nap earlier if wake up is so early and also waking her up from the nap after more like 1 hour. I also wonder if she could be waking up because she’s hungry and wants something to eat/drink (since you bf her when she wakes up). Can you increase her food intake before bedtime?

[Blondeshavemorefun]

Hour nap tops and maybe put down 1230/130

So if she up /awake from 4am ? Not suprised needs a sleep by 1

You also Mention bf her - is the night feed the only one

Some sleep trainers suggest wake to rouse - so attempt to semi wake an hour before usual time so that then resettles

Yes you could
Leave her to scream /cry but might be for 2hrs if awake 4am till 6am. Can you handle that. ?

Will she look at books in her bed quiet it and maybe drift off back to sleep

[Fouramclub]

just to update, she napped for only 20 mins on Friday as she woke up fairly soon after we put her down. She was asleep by 6pm as she was exhausted and up on Saturday at 4:14am.

she had 1hr nap on Saturday from 11:15-12:15 as we were driving somewhere. We put her down at around 6:30pm as she was knackered. She woke up at 10pm (had to resettle) and then 1:45am and was up for 2 hours until about 3:45am. At this point I went and slept in her room to stop her from screaming and slept on the floor as it's my night with her. She popped up awake for the day at 4:55 😅 we stayed in her room until the clock woke up at 5:45. We had a brioche roll in her room for wake up but she didn't touch it. She did eat a big bowl of plan pasta right before bed though.

im going to persevere with the shorter naps and see where that gets us. I've been a very shouty mum these past few days so something needs to change.

[RandomMess]

She must be over tired after that night as well as you.

I think it's going to take a while to get the golden 7.30 to 6am sleep with a short or no nap. Seems like her sleep cycle is all over the place still.

I hope you get a nap today.

[Fouramclub]

Thanks @RandomMess she is definitely overtired. I think she's got fomo and/or has forgotten how to stay asleep. She used to be so good as a baby!

[RandomMess]

Can you engineer a nap today 12.30 for an hour to stop the early bedtime?

[MayMi]

My 1yr 8m old DD has been doing the exact same thing for about a month, also taking hours to fall asleep at night and naps have been very hit and miss as well. She previously slept through the night 8pm-6:00am but she got a fever for a couple of nights and that messed everything up.

We're just starting to come out the other side of it and it seems as though she might be done with having naps now. On days when she doesn't nap, she falls asleep at a reasonable time (8-9pm) and sleeps through the night.

I would you suggest you drop the nap and if you want also move bedtime to an hour later.

[Lifecanbebeautiful12]

My daughter is also almost 2 and used to be an amazing sleeper, she slept through the night since she was 6 weeks old! But since February this year she’s been waking up multiple times a night, it’s killing me! I’ve realised that most times she’s waking up it’s because she’s cold, could that be the case with you? In the past when she’s been through a bad sleep patch using the Huckleberry nap schedules has worked immediately to improve her sleep. The main point is keeping the ‘wake windows’ sufficiently long. My daughter needs a 2 hour nap every day still or her sleep is disturbed at night and I’ve read that early wakings are actually usually because the child isn’t getting enough sleep during the day, not too much. so might be worth checking that your daughter is awake for long enough before and after her nap according to the huckleberry schedule for her age, rather than shortening her nap? Good luck, I sympathise with how exhausting it is!