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Original poster

If someone says "I'm not being rude but..."

20 replies

user5001withabun · 30/06/2023 06:36

I was in the office in work were there was a group of people talking about a situation that had been ongoing. Another staff member walked in mid conversation, heard what was being said and then added an additional comment to which someone said " im not being rude Jenny, but im talking to x y an z about this. I know it's difficult to say because obviously nobody on Mumsnet was there but I cant decide if it's rude or if that means they genuinely don't mean to be rude. Lol

I did feel a bit sorry for the girl that added her tuppence worth as she was trying to help but in any instance woukd you be offended by this or take it with a pinch of salt ?

Btw it wasn't me that said it or had it said to !

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 30/06/2023 06:41

Another staff member walked in mid conversation, heard what was being said and then added an additional comment to which someone said " im not being rude Jenny, but im talking to x y an z about this.

probably shorthand for "I don't intend to be rude" but also "keep your beaky nose out of my conversation that has nothing to do with you".

In fairness, it was pretty rude of the interfering colleague giving an unsolicited opinion on something they weren't being asked to comment on!

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 30/06/2023 06:42

Hard to say, also depends on the subject being discussed. Jenny could have been inappropriate by adding her two pence worth or the person was trying to politely say 'butt out Jenny, I don't want your input'.

Boating123 · 30/06/2023 06:44

The phrase 'I'm not being rude but...' is like 'no offence but...' whenever it is used the person is always being rude/offensive.

frozendaisy · 30/06/2023 06:56

Was this something related to work?
Did Jenny contradict the speaker?
Is this all opinions or fact?

The "I'm not being rude but...." Seems to have sprung up with the explosion of people talking opinions as facts and if someone tries to point out a fact they don't like say "I'm not being rude but"

So depends, but if you want a private conversation in tre middle of an office isn't the place.

Original poster
user5001withabun · 30/06/2023 07:04

So it was a situation that Jenny knew a bit about and was giving her opinion. From where I was sitting ( minding my own business) it didn't seem like Jenny was saying anything wrong, just adding an additional comment but she wasn't in the intital huddle. I did feel sorry for her but I am quite new so I don't know if Jenny is a nuisance or whether the person commenting was just abrupt. It has certainly made me think about ever interjecting in future because I would simple die if that was said to me lol

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 30/06/2023 07:22

@daisychain01 isn't that how it works? You join a group and add something to the conversation?
Frankly these people are (gossiping?) and if they are doing it in a place of work where people can walk in and hear, they either shut up or change the subject if they don't want the new person to comment. I think it is rude to have a bit of a bitch fest (or whatever, say they were talking about the new sale at M&S) and then cut someone off if they add to it.
When someone says they're are 'not being rude', they generally are.

JerseyRoyalMe · 30/06/2023 07:26

It’s a passive aggressive tone. Jenny will learn to share her thoughts when and where they will be valued.

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 30/06/2023 07:27

I always think that when someone prefixes anything with 'I don't mean to be rude' that they ARE going to be rude. But if it was something she was already dealing with, her input at the time was warranted.

redskytwonight · 30/06/2023 07:28

Were the original people clearly having a private conversation?

If they were just talking generally in an open plan office where anyone could hear, I think it's pretty normal for other people to chip in with their opinions. Whether solicited or not.

Original poster
user5001withabun · 30/06/2023 07:36

@redskytwonight yes it was in the staff room- not an open discussion as such but a conversation between 4 people but said at a volume that could be heard.

OP posts:
Comety · 30/06/2023 07:36

If I was Jenny I'd be kicking myself for barging in on a conversation.

I think usually when people say "I'm not being rude", "no disrespect" etc they mean exactly the opposite, but in this instant I think they were pointing out that Jenny had been rude (in their opinion). It may or may not have been rude of them to do so, depending on the context.

TakeMyStrongHand · 30/06/2023 08:55

That's rude. 100%. She is saying Jenny isn't welcome in this conversation.

Poor Jenny.

Mingomang · 30/06/2023 08:57

If it’s a private conversation don’t have it in a public work space. Is what I would have said if I were Jenny.

bumblebee2235 · 30/06/2023 09:31

I generally say it is rude, rephrase it please.

TheNameIsDickDarlington · 30/06/2023 10:08

I think Jenny was rude to butt into a conversation she wasn't involved in but from reading the replies maybe I just don't understand the rules around conversations.

I actually couldn't even imagine jumping in with my opinions on someone else's conversation. If you were invited to give an opinion that's fair but you can't just decide other people want to hear your thoughts on things.

daisychain01 · 30/06/2023 17:28

mondaytosunday · 30/06/2023 07:22

@daisychain01 isn't that how it works? You join a group and add something to the conversation?
Frankly these people are (gossiping?) and if they are doing it in a place of work where people can walk in and hear, they either shut up or change the subject if they don't want the new person to comment. I think it is rude to have a bit of a bitch fest (or whatever, say they were talking about the new sale at M&S) and then cut someone off if they add to it.
When someone says they're are 'not being rude', they generally are.

Not in my world, no that's not how it works.

it's ignorant to just insert yourself into other people's conversation "mid-conversation" to quote the OP, and give your unsolicited opinion, unless you've been asked to join in. The OP didn't indicate that, only that Jenny just invited herself in.

It's probably due to the modern day disease called social media where people think their opinion is important and don't feel the need for any preamble.

Had Jenny shown a bit of courtesy and self-awareness she might have said "do you mind if I join you? I've got some experience of this that might help" in which case my response would have been different. Sounds like the "I'm not being rude but...." colleague was irritated by her intrusion.

daisychain01 · 30/06/2023 17:32

Neither do I @TheNameIsDickDarlington I cringed with embarrassment at that scenario.

that a big assumption @mondaytosunday we have no way of knowing it was a "bitchfest".

speluncean · 30/06/2023 18:00

I read on here. Everything before the but is bullshit.

I'd say it's rude.

CountingMareep · 30/06/2023 18:43

speluncean · 30/06/2023 18:00

I read on here. Everything before the but is bullshit.

I'd say it's rude.

Yeah. I don’t like the ‘shit sandwich’ technique for difficult management conversations either. How much shit do you want in your sandwich?

I just tell them to get straight to the unpleasant bit and cut the cotton candy.

FayCarew · 30/06/2023 18:48

I mean this kindly...
To be honest with you..
I don't mean to be rude...
I'm not racist/homophobic but ...
To tell you the truth...

they can al FOTTOSOF

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