Feeling a bit upset that our neighbours (who we've been friends with for years) don't seem interested in us any more.

[Townlife]

For context, dh & I are a fairly quiet couple - we're sociable, have friends and enjoy going out, but we'd never be the loudest people in the room! I'm in my early 50's, dh has just turned 60.

We've been friends with our neighbours for years, enjoyed nights out as a 4, or with other couples too. Over the last few years two other couples have moved to our road, and our friends are making it obvious they're more interested in them now, than us!

One example upset me the other day, I was at our neighbour's house for coffee, together with a mutual friend. My neighbour mentioned a show she & myself are seeing together (booked ages ago). She said, in front of me, her dh asked who she's going with. When she said me, he did an eye roll. 🤔 She said if she was going with Sarah (new, younger neighbour who she thinks he fancies), he'd have reacted differently. She then changed the subject, not seeming to realise she'd upset me at all. 🤔

She's also mentioned her dh switching cycling groups (he doesn't ride with dh & 2 other friends now), apparently he's only interested in riding with the 'fast' group now. Dh doesn't think of himself as a slow rider, but is upset that our 'friend' obviously does, despite having ridden together for years.

Another example recently, dh & I had come back from a special weekend away (wedding anniversary). We happened to pull up, just as our friends were on their drive. They started to ask about our weekend, spotted the other couple walking past and instantly, mid-conversation started talking to them, not seeming at all interested in what we were saying. We used to all be close, but they're totally making us feel like we're boring, we don't think of ourselves like that, and are missing their friendship.
They're being so dismissive and hurtful, it's hard when we all live so close. 🤔

This sort of thing is the problem with friendships with neighbours. Friendships do sometimes naturally fade away and it sounds like this is the case for them, unfortunately with them being on your doorstep you still have to see them. I would take the hint now and pull back from the friendship too.

Is there an age difference between you and the old neighbours? You say you and your DH are 50s/60s. Are the neighbours in the same bracket?

Also, are there younger people (particularly women) in the "fast" cycling group? If so, maybe the male neighbour is having a bit of a mid life crisis and wanting to associate with younger people.

Theres nothing wrong with them associating with new neighbours, but rude of them to shut you down mid sentence when the new neighbours show up.

Dh in the same same age as our longterm 'friend's, 60. I'm 52 and his wife is actually a bit older than all of us, she's 64!

The newest couple are (male, 45, his wife, 41), who my friend's dh supposedly fancies! The other couple, (both partners aged 55).

So she thinks he fancies the new neighbour? Messy.

They seem flaky. I'd focus on other friendships. Stay civil.

It's hard when they are, literally, on your doorstep but you're right they do seem to have drifted away from you, friendship wise. It is what it is and I can only advise that you do the same, and find yourselves a wider friendship group. Remain 'friendly', as they are neighbours, but distance yourselves a bit.

Sounds more like they met the younger couple who may be a bit more lively and don't want to seem like they are old fogies, so they are ingratiating themselves with the younger couple to try and keep up with and be like them.

Perhaps they felt they were in a bit of a rut.

They are rejecting you and your husband because you don't represent the youthfulness that they are attracted to like they are with the younger couple.

They don’t sound very nice. Leave the losers to it.

It sounds as if she's worried about the crush her DH has on a younger woman. Maybe her comments were clumsily trying to explain the situation to you, rather than to make you feel less than. It's all a bit sad. I remember when I was younger, old married men used to creep on me obviously in front of their wives. They have no self awareness.

Thing is, I feel I'm a fairly 'young' 52 year old, and people who don't know us well are often amazed that dh is 60, they normally guess early 50's at most. We like festivals, are both involved in various groups, and love local music events that this couple used to come to with us.

He & dh have been on cycling weekends away together, so dh is understandably miffed that he's lost his 'sports buddy'. Dh does cycle with a bigger group too, but that's just a few hours a week. I was particularly upset hearing my friend's dh 'does an eyeroll' when I'm mentioned, it makes me feel.all.our years of friendship are being mocked. His wife has in the past said her dh often comments on my 'fresh-faced youthful look'! He & I would never fancy each other, but I always felt he liked me as a friend, and now I'm 'eye-roll territory'. Not nice, and I'm hurt she repeated his reaction, too. 🙁

Yes, not ideal if he does fancy younger neighbour. Also v hard for his wife, as she's older than him! Hmm, we'll just have to do likewise and keep.our distance I suppose. Not a nice feeling though, we've been friends with them for about a decade. Actually I seem to remember THEY initated the friendship!

Rejection is hard however it happens and I do absolutely understand how you feel. I would say that you need to be civil because falling out with neighbours is a PITA. Cultivate new interests / friends and let the others get on with it. Friendships often wane but it's always hard when you feel you are being replaced with a shiny new set.

I definitely get that you're hurt. It is hurtful, and there was no reason for the wife to relay her husband eyeroll reaction. Of course that's upsetting.

I think you are reading a lot into a second hand report of an eye roll. I can see my best friend's husband doing that because he knows she'd much rather be out with me than him!
But novelty is interesting and maybe the newer couples have just diverted their attention for a bit.

Your neighbour said her husband did an eye roll when she said she was going somewhere with you instead of the younger neighbour? How unbelievably rude of her to tell you this. She wanted you to know that he has no time for you? I'd be done with them both if that was the case.

She said, in front of me, her dh asked who she's going with. When she said me, he did an eye roll. 🤔

That’s bizarre and potentially incredibly rude, depending on what she actually was trying to say. I would have asked, ‘sorry, you’ve lost me-why did he roll his eyes?’

You're being oversensitive but also these neighbourhoods aren't all that.

The comments about her husband fancying the other neighbors is a dig at her husband not at you, that's you taking offenses where there's none. She's going to the theatre withyou, she hasn't cancelled leaving you in the lurch or asked if you'd give up your ticket for the neighbor, both of which would be rude. Her comments is maybe letting the neighbor know she'd be up for hanging out with her too.

The bit about the cycling group, people do improve over time and move up to more challenging groups. Some people prefer to stay in their comfort zone forever others prefer to be challenged. There's no right or wrong. It's not a dig at your husband she's not calling him "slow", it's a comment about her husband moving to the next level with his hobby. I used to ride horses, had my own and got this nonsense all the time from people who owned a horse so they could hang out and socialise at the stables. The horse and the riding (some of them didn't ever ride at all) were secondary to them, whereas to me spending time with my horse and riding was the sole reason I was there. I didn't want to hang out and chat and be there all day, I had a life outside the stables too.

Starting a conversation with someone else when you're in the middle of a conversation with them is plain rude though. Very disrespectful. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who did that. So I can't see you've lost much really. Go find some nicer people to spend time with.

I think they're swingers, they've been sounding you out for a foursome all these years and you've not picked up on it, so they're trying their luck with the newbies!

Or, take a hint, and back away and leave them to it. Not all friendships last forever, a gracious exit is best especially when you're literally on each other's doorsteps

His wife has in the past said her dh often comments on my 'fresh-faced youthful look'! He & I would never fancy each other, but I always felt he liked me as a friend, and now I'm 'eye-roll territory'.

Her husband is a big old perve. He's disrespectful to his wife saying stuff like that to her all the time, basically telling her he fancies another woman. Now you know he'd like her to hang out with the other neighbors because he fancies this new one more. His wife is aware of this, poor woman! He's an arse. She's probably so used to his dickish ways that some of it has rubbed off on her and she also says dickish things now and then, because accepting that behaviour is her normal. They're dysfunctional people OP, steer clear.

GoldDuster🤣!

As many have said, we've got no option but to accept they're not interested any more, and have chosen other company. I get the feeling now we were 'convenient'.

I still feel myself & his wife will be meeting up for coffee sometimes, with our mutual friend, but she never texts me 'one-to-one', as she used to. I'm not as keen now on going to the show, much as I love the musical we're seeing. I may just say I'm no longer free, and go another night with my sister. If her dh is 'eye-rolling' me when she mentions my name, that takes the shine off spending time with her, for me.

It's an uncomfortable feeling, knowing he (and probably she too, mocks me). They were getting in their car when I passed them yesterday, I just said hello and walked on. They've relegated us to just 'acquaintances', hurtful as it is we need to do the same.

He didn't even tell dh he was changing cycling groups, he just stopped going. Dh mentioned he hadn't seen him on the rides about a month later in passing, then he said he'd moved groups. Dh was a bit miffed, of COURSE he can ride with who he wants, but a text to dh saying he's moving groups wouldn't have hurt, surely. They've been riding in the same group for about 8 years!