How to deal with a very gloomy friend

[catscatscurrantscurrants]

An old friend is very 'glass half empty' all the time. He has a good job that he loves and is good at, a contented life with no money concerns, work colleagues who think the world of him. After a rough patch in his life with depression some years ago, he has leaned on me for moral support, which I have willingly given. But his constant gloom is wearing me down. Every conversation, despite what I do or say, turns into a one sided complaining session from him, leaving me with nothing to contribute and feeling drained from trying to bolster him up. I don't really know what I want from this post, probably just a bit of a rant! Has anyone else been in a similar situation and how did you cope or deal with it? I don't feel I can abandon him, he's basically a good person but so bloody negative.

I tell them how they are being and they either change or don't, I don't have any negative people in my life.. It's so draining and I'm a positive person.

I used to work with someone like this. Never mind glass half empty, she couldn't even find the glass! She was in a very fortunate position in life & didn't seem to realise how lucky she was. Like most people did have some issues to deal with but normal "life" stuff.

If she started moaning I would let her go on for a few minutes then I would point out some positives & quickly change the subject, usually to something she liked or knew a lot about. So she would then go onto what she knew. When she had then finished I would politely end the conversation (right must get on/have to make a phone call etc) & off she would go.

She wasn't one to ask how you were, or anything concerning you. It was always all about her.

We were at work though so interaction time was limited. If I really couldn't deal with her I would make my excuses & get on with the task in hand.

You need to tell him. Just be nice about it, he probably doesn’t realise how it impacts you and hopefully he will change his attitude. If he doesn’t then you’ll probably have to cool the friendship.

What do you get from the friendship? You’re allowing yourself to be an emotional dumping ground for this man, you can choose to stop that. Interrupt him when he starts up his whining, tell him you’d rather talk about something else, thanks, change the subject.
Why do you think wanting an actual friendship with the man, rather than being used by him, is ‘abandoning’ him? Do you choose to feel responsible for him?

I had a friend like that. She had a very fortunate, easy life, but my god the moaning. That's all she did. I tried to divert her by changing the subject, but she would either talk over you or revert back once you drew breath. She has completely taken over a hobby group with her constant complaining. I no longer go ( which I'm very sad about) and I have gradually distanced myself from her. Life is far too short to feel depressed and drained by a friendship.

Thank you for your replies. I have spoken to him about this in the past - he brushes it off by saying he 'can't help it' and that it's just who he is now. He never used to be so miserable. I guess I do need to be tougher about it from now on.

I’m afraid I’d just say something like, ‘Sorry, but all this gloom really depresses me. Can you please try counting your blessings for a change?’

Walk away, I had to. They drain you, you begin to feel negative and gloomy yourself.

It is tough!
I used to have a friend who would just complain, complain, complain…
She lived a very charmed life : pretty, had a husband, kids, lovely home.
But everything seem to be always wrong.
I once asked if she could maybe keep in mind that she was talking to someone (me) who has none of those thing and would kill to have what she has.
And asked does she really think she can afford to complain so much.

It did not go well.
We’re no longer friends. And I’m much better for it.

I've recently let a friend go who is like this. I just thought to myself I cannot stand to hear another second of her complaining about her job - the same job she has been doing in all the 15 years I've been friends with her (and before that).

She has 3 adult children and there's always something wrong with at least 1 of them too. It's too much and too miserable! We avoid each other now but I don't miss her really.

Have to agree, let go of the friendship. Happened to me and it’s so draining. I’m a fairly positive, optimistic kind of person and found I was becoming gloomy myself! Life is too short to be constantly dragged down by other people’s negativity.