To there's a lot of problems in my work. I was signed up to do a 12 day shift, and to be live in and work split shifts - morning and night. It's intense and gruelling. As soon as there's a quite spell in the physical work, there's more shit to do like - kitchen duties and utility duties and to be honest I am at a place where I want to kill myself because it feels like it will be the only break I will ever be allowed to have. If I don't kill myself, I want to hit the bottle in a big way and find myself a drug dealer and go back on the cigarettes and just eat them by the packet. I am off them for over 5 years. There is an intense longing for them now.
I am migrained out and the only thing keeping me going is a cocktail of meds.
My only trigger as I see it is my work and exhaustion.