I can't stop checking my work emails/messages

[Remotecontrolatmyside]

It's getting unhealthy but outside of work hours I'm checking my work emails and Teams messages about 20-30 times a day. This can't continue. It's definitely not expected. It's like an personal compulsion to not miss anything/having to respond swiftly. How do I deal with this?

Have you got them linked to your phone or are you leaving your laptop on?
For the first one, the obvious answer is to delete the work accounts from your personal phone and for the second one, switch your laptop off, unplug it and put it in a cupboard or somewhere out of sight.
Are you new in your role?

Delete all work related apps from your phone and don’t reinstall!

But really it depends on the reasons why you’re checking so often?

Not new in my roll. I have Teams app on my phone but I can't bring myself to miss messages so can't bring myself to delete. I don't have my email app on phone but do sign into emails on my phone.

Everyone else seems to be able to walk away but I just can't do it

I used to be like this and my husband still is. Do you have a separate work phone or do your emails come through on a separate app on your personal phone?

If it's a work phone, stop carrying it round with you after hours. If it's an app on your phone, turn off notifications and make sure the icon isn't on the home screen so it isn't the first thing you see when you look at your phone. I'd even suggest moving it to a different page on your screen to rejig the muscle memory and stop yourself auto-scrolling to it.

Longer term, you need to realise that having a work/life balance is healthy, and constantly splitting your attention between work and your family means that you're not performing truly well with either of them, one will always suffer as a consequence.

There's a famous quotation by Michelle Obama which I remind myself of frequently. "Women can have it all. But they can't have it all at once". It applies equally well to life as a whole, and to individual hours of the day.

I used to be like this, in a global organisation so I'd be getting emails all evening from the US and I just had to read them. I deleted my email app before a 2 week holiday and never installed it again, it was the only way to break the cycle.

I just tell myself it'll all be there in the morning

If you are not at work ask yourself what you can do about the information. Does it help you to know what’s going on? If it truly does, consider allocating a set checking time or two. If it doesn’t work on ways to keep a lid on things.

Some of the things I do are sensitive to current events. If I spot something I might dip in in the evening, or weekend, but otherwise I leave well alone. What does work for me is briefly scanning things in the morning before work so my mind runs through a few things if necessary.

That’s me though and we are all different. The good thing is that you can spot an issue. What would you rather be doing? Perhaps identify those things and do them instead when the urge to ‘check work’ arises.

Just to say you're not alone. I am getting fed up of it though. Read a bit of a shitty email from a colleague this afternoon and haven't stopped thinking about it all day. Furious at myself for opening it.

It depends. Do you want/need to change it? I have both my email and Teams on my phone and have notifications turned on for both including on the day I don't work. I don't find it particularly stressful and I like being able to deal with some things quickly when they come in so I don't end up with loads of admin piling up. For me, it's the flip side of the flexibility I have in my role. My boss doesn't care if I'm in front of my laptop for me working hours and is happy for me to stop working early/start late if I need to or go for medical appointments in the work. In return, I'm responsive outside of my working hours. I find it less stressful to know what's going on than to not.

Okay but what are you worried will happen if you "miss" a message when you're not at work?

I used to do this a lot and I don't really know why. I actually used to feel stressed opening the app but did it anyway.
I still have Teams on my phone because there are some things that only I know how to do, so if something is urgent I can be contacted but I don't actively go looking for emails.
Honestly, once you stop you'll feel much happier. We all need our boundaries between work and home. I still sometimes find myself thinking "ooh, wonder I've missed anything today?" and go to open the app as a automatic reaction (it's like a little brain flip) but I'm able to catch myself in time and override it.

The knowledge that this is how I'll feel if I check work out of hours is exactly what gives me the determination to stay away from my messages.

Deleted everything off your personal device. Close work devices down at a reasonable time

Deep down I know nothing will happen if I just don't check them. I like the idea of having a set two times of checking them MMBaramova

You

oops posted too soon. You won’t get any special rewards for this. Jobs don’t love you back. Yes, it’s lovely to have a job you’re passionate about and enjoy but you’re disposable. I enjoy what I do but see work as a necessity to fund the things I really want, I’ve never worked extra hours in my life and still managed to have a decent career. My employers/clients (I’m self employed) wouldn’t think twice about binning me if their budgets ran out so I don’t think twice about putting them bottom of my priorities outside the hours of 9-5. What’s the deep seated reason you feel you have to do this? It isn’t healthy if it’s causing you anxiety

I know a few people like this at work and all have obvious issues where they don't feel good enough and so believe they are going over and above to counteract their own lack of self confidence. You have to be disciplined and just stop doing it and stop imagining any judgement from others and also don't copy the behaviour of people who do this. Otherwise the whole thing is just perpetuated

Don't be a hero op. You want to feel important and a saviour in case something happens at work and you are the fountain of all knowledge blah blah.

The reality is people didn't care, you won't be rewarded for it, the business will still run and all that happens is your personal life suffers.

I’m like this too. Also have the desperate urge to reply to every email immediately, even if it’s clearly not urgent.